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Jo S's Experiences

Experience description:   

I'll start with the second dream. I was at my grandparents' house, not the one dying, but the other pair who lived just up the hill from them. I had a dream that I just thought was always a dream. There was (and I now have in my own house) a picture of a guardian angel above the bed next to mine I liked to look at. In my sleep I was in a dark woods.  It was very dark. And there was a tree and it was iridescent, perhaps a willow tree of which an angle-like being came out. Then the tree transformed to more like a huge stump and the angel, I think female, rose up and I could see how immense she was. She was in white light and I think she had wings but it could have just been aura.  Then she picked me up and I felt like I melted into her energy, a brilliant bright light that did not hurt my eyes. I felt a love I had never felt in my life. I don't know how long I was there, time was not in my awareness, but I woke up and it was morning.  And I tried desperately to go back to sleep into the dream. I did fall back asleep but I did not go back to her.  I had a regular, cold dream. I was deeply moved by the experience but thought it was just a dream, though one of the 2 most intense dreams of my life, but a dream nevertheless. I was not raised in any religion.  My father was actually anti-religious (recovering Catholic). But I did know very simple things from occasionally attending church with my grandmother. But this angel being was not like any angel I imagined from Catholicism. Years later, when I read NDE accounts I was so floored by what was said, because it sounded so much like the love intensity and light I felt. This mixed with the first dream floored me... 

The other dream I had that was deeply intense was earlier, I think I was about 5. I had a lot of falling back into my body sleep jolts as a kid, so feeling like I was falling was a common feeling. In the dream I was with my brother who is 2 years older than me.  We were on a mountain, like in Pennsylvania, wooded and filled with brush.  It was fall moving into winter, and the sky was gray and the colors very faded and brown. It was windy and I had on a jacket.  I remember leaning over a cliff and just lost my balance. I remember falling frantically for a more sustained period then my short waking up falls. I don't remember ever hitting the ground. Next thing I know, I was in the most beautiful, spectacular garden with a white brick path and carefully pruned grass.  I think there was a river at the edge, but I didn't focus much on that. The colors were so brilliant, and I felt such a sense of peace and joy.  There was a small piano that was rainbow colored.  I think there was a bird bath and birds, maybe bunnies too.  I wanted to stay but I couldn't hold onto the image eventually.  That's all I remember. Again, I thought it was just an incredible dream and I often went there in my mind to feel peaceful and safe after that. I always assumed it was like a fairy tale dream.  And dreams often move from one situation to another without logic.  But years later I heard others talk about NDE and the brilliant colors or the landscapes or gardens and the intensity of love with a beautiful being and it occurred to me that my dream may have been from a memory or astral projection.  I went into the spectacular garden after I fell off the mountain and didn't hit the ground. It was definitely a dream, but it had so many elements of NDE, from being saved from the pain of the fall to the intense feelings and colors.  And then I read that children almost always see angels in NDE and small cute animals. The way the experiences are described is so much like my two experiences. Then after the following experience I wonder if I astral projected in my sleep... 

Years later I believe I had an OBE when I was in my early 30s that felt like I woke up from a dream and I was floating above my body in my room, just as my room really was.  I was reading a book about having OBE and so wanted to have one. I'd had lucid dreams but they were dreamlike. This didn't really feel that way. I felt like a little point of consciousness, like a floating eyeball. It felt like I did when I just woke up and was kind of hazy at first after being woken up. I looked toward my mirror but could not focus on any image. It was dark. Then I remember moving back over my body which I had no real attachment to looking at it, like it was a stranger, and thinking, "Holy fucking shit, I'm doing it. I'm doing it." I had what felt like an energy surge but without the physical adrenaline rush (maybe like being on the drug, Enderol - no organs to pump adrenaline) and I was kind of scared but thrilled.  So I decided I would hover myself out to the middle of the room before I came back. I remember thinking, "ok, a little more, a little more.. OK!" I was kind of scared, so I released and dipped down to the floor and was pulled back up onto the bed into my body head first. Then I went blank and back into sleep.  It was the middle of the night.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?   No   

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?   Uncertain    somewhat

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?   No    no, but like I said, my grandfather may have been dying around the time of childhood drams.  I was always a little psychic and sensitive. And my childhood was stressful to me. My OBE was soon after a big heart break.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?   Asleep in the two dreams.  The OBE came out of sleep but I felt like I woke up and was in the room.

Was the experience dream like in any way?   Yes with the dreams, though very intense.  Only thing that felt odd with the OBE is I couldn't remember which direction I was sleeping on the bed. I could have sworn that I was sleeping the other way, but it was dark and kind of hard to see at that distance from the ceiling. I did sleep both ways. I learned later from a Robert Monroe book that his astral vision sometimes turned his body around (left and right side opposite). I'm just not sure.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   Yes   In the dreams I was so transfixed by the image, I don't remember being aware of my body except that I felt small and I felt like I had a body. I definitely felt a separation in the OBE.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?    Angel dream was the most intense love I have ever experienced. The garden was just peaceful and intensely joyful. The OBE was kind of thrilling and scary.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?    I don't remember.  I don't think so. In the garden I think I heard birds.

Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    Yes    The being of light I thought was like an angel from Christianity. But the woods and garden did not seem familiar with what little I knew about religion.

Did you see a light?    Yes    with the angel

Did you meet or see any other beings?    Yes    Just with the angel.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state?   No    Only experimented with moving myself during the OBE.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?   No   

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?    Yes    Vision in garden dream was much more intense, brilliant colors not earth-like, almost cartoon-ish in brilliance.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?    Yes    I wasn't very aware of time.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No   

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?    Uncertain   

Did you become aware of future events?    No    But I have in other dreams and moments.

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?    Yes    Just with the OBE.  I wanted to go back, but I didn't expect it to feel like just a strong pull, like I was attached to a rubber band.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?    Uncertain    First two dreams were early in life, so I don't know if I had psychic experiences before. I do remember knowing my dearest duck was dying 300 miles away (I was visiting my grandparents) and my mother called and was going to tell me she was dead.  But that was after the first garden dream and not sure with the angel dream.  It was near the same time I think. My early psychic stuff was around preparing for trauma. Later it branched out other experiences.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   No    Except the OBE, I felt I believed it more. But I was looking to believe it. But I'm a real skeptic and need a lot of science and "proof," so I'm not easy to believe things. But this was too experiential. Years later with time I wonder if it was a dream, but I remember really feeling convinced right after it happened for a number of years.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?    I'm less afraid of death and I want to know more about the nature of consciousness.  I was already a therapist and musician with this bent, so it just enhanced my careers. I am interested in growing my awareness more and more.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes    My life changed more gradually as I became more aware of the implications for a profound, new "reality." It's my main interest along with music.

Have you shared this experience with others?    Yes    I shared with my husband and good friend. They are just like me, open but with mild, healthy skepticism.  They are both very spiritual people.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?   Best was my surge in faith of an afterlife. Worst was that I have never been able to have an OBE again.  It was like beginner's luck. I keep trying.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?    no

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No           

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?    Yes     I believe so. I tried to be detailed.