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Jennifer N's Experience

Experience description:   

I had the experience as a dream on the night leading to 18 March 2013. In the experience I was in the body of the man I was discerning for a potential love relationship. I was able to access his feelings for me during the experience. I was able to be in him and see the world as he sees it and feel what he feels. He felt nothing for me, he had an agenda.

Background:

I got in touch with a man who pursued me while at University (16 years back from date of experience). I didn't date him at University because I didn't think he was convincing in his pursuit for me, the connection was weak and I thought he wasn't serious. He behaved more as a friend than a potential lover. Also, at the time, he came off as not being real and fake in his social reactions. He lives in an African country but in early 2013, he came to visit me in Britain to convince me of his love in a way he never did those years ago. I was puzzled by many things about him when he visited. For a start, he seemed to forget what he had come for; he talked about all sorts of things but not about 'us'. I decided I would put through with it for a week until he left. On the last night, he suddenly seemed to remember and asked for a bit of closeness to me which I gave him - nothing sexual.

I took him to the airport but still, there was something that wasn't right. He talked as a friend and not as potential lover. After he left, my phone never stopped ringing, he was 'deeply in love with me'. I was confused because I believed his words but his actions didn't tally. I made arrangements to visit him in his country to sort out the confusion. I bought a lot of items for him and his daughter. In the meantime, I started a Novena to seek God's guidance.

The Experience:

I was in his body and the experience took me back at various points since we had got in touch, as if to clarify what he was feeling at that particular time.

'I am back in touch with Jennifer, I feel nothing for her but I have to pursue her so that my daughter can have a relationship with her.'

At one point, I found myself in something like a glass dome, with a bright light outside and everything was black and white and I remember that there were no people about. In my heart, I felt numb, unable to feel pain or pleasure. I remember that I would call the feeling in my heart as 'flat'. While in the 'experience', I was clearly able to compare my normal emotions to the emotionless heart of this man. Life didn't have much meaning with an emotionless heart.

'Today Jennifer asked me if I was happy for her to start seeing another man because she isn't convinced of my intentions; sure, it really doesn't bother me because I feel nothing for her. I don't hate her but neither do I love her.'

While in the experience, my heart generally felt nothing, there was no love or hatred. There were no emotions, my heart felt nothing.

When I woke up out of the experience, I was very angry that this man would try to lie to me about his love while he felt nothing for me. My anger was real and I felt pain in my heart. I gave everything I had bought for his daughter to my 9 year old. I travelled to the African country because I had already booked a flight but chose to forget all about him. I had an inclination to tell him about the experience and I did. Initially he said that it wasn't possible for anyone to be in another person's body but later admitted that maybe there was something wrong because although he had 'loved' and broken up with many girlfriends, he had never experienced a heart break in his life (he is 40 years old) and he didn't understand what pain people talk of...

I started a google search of 'numb emotions', 'lack of emotions' 'unable to feel anything' and discovered schizoid personality disorder and contacted him about it and he ticked every box. To cut the long story short, he has schizoid personality disorder but he didn't know.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?   No   

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?   Yes    Although the experience was clear to me I found it difficult to express in words to anyone because no one would believe me or worse, they would question my mental stability.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?   No   

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?   The experience happened while I was asleep but while in the actual experience I was fully conscious, alert and everything was clear

Was the experience dream like in any way?   No, the experience was real with a high emotional content.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   Yes   I was in another person's body. I didn't see my own body or know where it was.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?    An emotionless heart, extreme numbness, feeling nothing and all the time I was able to compare these to my own feelings of love, anger, pain...

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?    No, there were no sounds or noise. I noted that it was very quiet and there was only one other person; this man's daughter. Nobody talked, it's like the rest of the world had gone away.

Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    No   

Did you see a light?    Yes    There was a bright light that shone on an empty world with me in the glass dome looking out.        The only person in the experience was this man's daughter.       No, I didn't experiment as the experience was real for me and I couldn't have possibly attempted to make myself do things.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?   Yes    Yes, the numbness of heart, unable to feel pain or pleasure, lack of emotions was confirmed by this man.

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?    Yes    I used my sight and it was normal. The experience was soundless, everything was seen or felt in heart.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?    No            

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?    Uncertain   

Did you become aware of future events?    No            No, I don't know where my body was. I was still in his body when I woke up, very angry.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?    Yes    I wouldn't like to call these powers but I seem to bring clarity to people's present situations revealing to them issues or facts that they didn't know. I do this while carrying on with my own life and not in some sort of session. My intuition is very high.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Uncertain    I am more convinced that science doesn't explain everything. My faith in God is stronger than it was before.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?    For seven years I had been looking to be in a loving relationship with a heavy longing for love. I always felt like something was lacking in my heart. Following my experience with this man, I feel complete. I don't lack anything and I am not looking for love. When a man approaches me, I still go through the emotions and I get hurt when its all over but soon, I return to a feeling of completeness. I think the longing I am talking about is beyond human love because I had the longing even when I was married.  I no-longer have it. There has been no effect on career choice.

I have brought clarity.revelation to six people's situations. They don't seek me out, it's all through going on with my daily life. I have recently 'revealed' to a close friend that she contracted HIV five years ago. She has started medication. I didn't seek to find out because she is not ill in any way and we would never have known.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?   No   

Have you shared this experience with others?    Yes    I have shared it with the man involved but apart from him, I haven't shared it with anyone else for fear of being called a lunatic. I work in an environment with highly logical individuals and there is no place for such unproven wishy washy experiences. I don't intend to talk to anyone about this or other experiences but happy to reveal to an anonymous website like this one.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?   There was no best part but the worst was where I was shown his actual feelings when I asked him if I could start seeing another man.

In real life he had responded to this question by saying that " Jennifer, I love you with all my heart but I would be selfish not to let you look for happiness. My daughter and I are going to pray for you..." This response completely confused me at the time.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?    I find that if I have a pressing question or puzzled by something, I kind of get an answer in a dream. For example, I was thinking that it was really unfair that we are not able to read other people's thoughts and wondering how it would feel like to know what someone thought. A few days later, in a dream, I experienced that I was able to read people's minds, it was extremely exhausting and I wanted it to end straight away. I am happy and contented that I don't have to know what's on anyone's mind, its a peaceful state.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No           

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?    Yes