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JD M's Experience

Experience description:   

I was meditating for the first time. In my meditation I was focusing my consciousness on my shadow energies to release them. At some point in this meditation I entered a dream state where I was quarreling very intensely with my mother. We were fighting about how much were had hurt each other (as a teenager I was very angry with my mother for controlling my life too much and I often had dreams where we fought like this). As the intensity of my emotions increased I noticed that the woman I was fighting with was not my mother at all, she looked like a horrible mixture of myself and my mother. At that moment I realized I was dreaming and I thought that I can control this dream. So I began to erase everything in the dream as if it was a blackboard or a wet painting. Then I saw my bedroom where I was meditating. I could see all around but I am not sure that I actually moved my head. It felt as if I was wide awake, but I knew I was still in a dream like state. I kept erasing everything in my bedroom until there was nothing but emptiness. I can't really describe this experience since it was like nothing I had/have ever experienced before. I couldn't see anything, not because it was dark, but because there was nothing at all to see. I said this must be the higher state of attention that one seeks in meditation. Then I felt an overpowering pressure pushing me out of my body. Now I used to have this feeling a lot when I was a teenager and it frightened me then. I was certain that if I allowed myself to be pushed out of my body I would die. So I would always try to resist the pressure by focusing on something in the room that was moving or would eventually like the clock.

This time, however, I the thought came to me that I shouldn't resist. I then felt like I was sinking into a liquid-like calm. That's the only way I can describe it. It was like water, but not water and it felt very calm and pleasant. I sank down and down. And I became aware that if I sent out a wish for something to happen in this place I would know immediately if it would happen in the physical world. I also was aware that if I tried to communicate with anyone or wanted to go anywhere it would happen immediately. I didn't try to go anywhere, I only tried calling out to a friend and when he replied as if he where right beside me I became afraid. Not because of the instant communication, but I feared because I felt so much love for him at that moment and I didn't know if he loved me in return. I was terrified of asking him, in case he would say he didn't. That fear made me feel like I was all of a sudden drowning in the liquid and I wanted to get back to the surface. I started swimming upward but it was very hard. The struggling made me wake up in the dream state at the point after I had erased the dream with my mother but before I had erased my bedroom. I was keenly aware at that point that there was a presence in the bedroom watching me. Although I was too afraid to look at them (it seemed like there were more than one), I don't think they were malevolent, just observing me. This fear made me wake up into waking consciousness. But the whole experience seemed more real that being awake. 

So I am not sure whether this was a near death experience, but reading all the accounts, I seems like it might have been.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          No      

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    When I was in the pool of liquid calm.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            When I was in the pool of liquid calm.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Uncertain      There was nothing to see as I said.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Uncertain      It was quiet until I called out to my friend and I heard him reply as if he were right beside me.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Once I decided not to resist the pressure pushing me out of my body, it happened too quickly to feel anything.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           Uncertain      There was nothing to see and it wasn't light or dark. There was nothing.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           No       I felt the presence of being only when I returned to my body not in the calm liquid.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Uncertain      In my dream I did seem to be reliving my past quarrels with my mother. but not in the pool.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No           

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     It seemed to be a realm of pure potentiality. I could if I wanted go anywhere, I could communicate with people who were far away. All of this would happen instantly. I could know the effect of my intentions whether they would happen or not. But I did not explore this, I just knew it was so.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Uncertain            I got the sense that if I had not been afraid I could have learned many things.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No      

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     I often have dreams that tell me things that will happen or the intentions of other people, especially if these intentions are harmful or will cause me great anxiety.

Have you shared this experience with others?         No      

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    Whether it was a dream or not, I thought it was real.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            being in the pool and feeling the presence of other beings in the room. Being in the pool makes me believe that we are all connected and that fear is what limits us from really communicating. I also feel that it revealed to me that I know that the most important I should be seeking is love, but that I haven't learned to love without fear or to be love. The presence of the beings in the room makes me believe that my fear is connected or caused by my inability to wake up from the physical reality and become a watcher of my life, the way I watch my dreams.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    I still think it was real because it resonates with what I believe reality is like.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Uncertain      My attitude toward relationships has changed, I now try to be more mindful of when I am projecting my fears unto others and I am trying to learn who to love unconditionally.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?           

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No                  

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes     The questions were very helpful in clarifying the experience.