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Jane H Past-Life Experience

Experience description:   

When I was around 4-5, and aunt used to take me to her Protestant church which was stone and somewhat shaped like a 'castle', although I wasn't raised with religion by my parents they let her take me, and I used to tell her 'when will we go back to my castle'? They also say I would insist I used to live there, and ask 'where are the kids with no parents'? I once told my mother that dad used to have no parents and I took care of him. I do remember arguing with adults about god around 5yrs old. I had a children's book of bible stories and would insist that they didn't talk about god right, or say 'no there isn't a hell'. I also used to tell adults I would be a nun one day, that I don't want a husband. When adults would say 'but don't you want kids', I'd say 'I can take care of the orphans'. My stepmother says I used to wrap a blanket over my head, and if asked I'd say, 'I'm a nun'. But nobody talked about nuns, and my parents were absolutely not religious. Even when my aunt stopped taking me at 5, I had an on and off fascination with catholic images and saints throughout my childhood. Today, I am today absolutely not Christian, in fact ascribe to more Zen beliefs than others. However, I've had a couple of shared past life dreams with certain individuals in my life.

My husband started as a friend of 10years. I did not think I had feelings for him even though he was a best friend. I was attracted to women and had been in a relationship of 7yrs with a woman (honestly assumed I was only lesbian as I hadn't had feelings for men). Regardless he was the kind of friend to call when college was rough or when I was stressed, and he used to call me when he had a bad breakup or trouble with family/friends. After my relationship ended, we talked more often, and grew closer. He wound up being the only man I've felt feelings for, so we went for it! When we made the transition into dating, one night we both had a very powerful vivid dream of our past lives. I dreamt that we were both young men somewhere in a time without electricity. In my dream I was working in a room with wood floors and rafters, two large lanterns, at a large wooden desk, transcribing on parchment with ink. I was copying scholarly materials. My husband was only a good family friend. He was a young, tall and thin blonde man (he is stocky man in this life)! We both had white billowy shirts, boots and brown slacks of some sort. I was also a young man, with dark hair and eyes, and in the dream I knew we were both the sons of merchants. He was leaning in the doorway, making fun of the dark room and trying to convince me to come outside with him because it was a nice day. I remember arguing with him and chastising him for putting his parents to shame. He was hedonistic, foolish, always joking, wasteful with money and had already ruined an apprenticeship opportunity. But he was unfazed, and laughed everything off, insisting that I took everything too seriously. I remember in the dream that I was acting more angry than I was, because I didn't want to be lured onto a bad path with him. In the dream I was suffering because I loved him, although I had not acted on it and didn't have a word for gay, just a feeling that I liked him too much to be normal, and was sure he knew I had unnatural feelings and enjoyed the tension. He enjoyed telling me about sexual escapades just to see me lecture him. I was very preoccupied with accomplishing something and did not want to dishonor my family's accomplishments by behaving irresponsibly, and he was always getting himself caught in immoral scandals. I was irritated at his rebelliousness at authority and family, and thought he was naive and spoiled by his parents (he wasn't spoiled or wealthy in this life, although he is lighthearted and rebellious). By the end of the dream I had decided to shut him out, because he was a distraction from what I needed to focus on. My husbands dream was of an entirely different life, and mind you... I've never told him of my childhood preoccupation with nuns and Catholicism. In it he was a soldier in medieval times. I was much younger than him (we have an 11yr gap in this life), and I was a nun overseeing orphans. It was a period of war, and we were temporarily housed in something that looked like a castle, and there where a lot of people displaced by war. He said he was obsessed with me, and using any opportunity/excuse to talk to me. But I was stern, and scared of him. He said he'd always position himself somewhere to watch me, and that I caught him following me hanging laundry and I insisted that he would make trouble for himself, but he says I knew you were trying to shut me out, and that you also didn't like that I was a soldier. He said he insisted that he would stop being a soldier if I agreed to give up being a nun and marry him. He says he did manage lure me into conversations and convinced me to meet him at night, although he says I only let him hold me, and kiss me a bit. After that, I hid from him or excused myself to take care of the children. He says that one day, word came that conflict would reach our area, so it was decided that those displaced should evacuate. I was to leave with the other nuns and orphans we oversaw to another city on foot, and we would be accompanied by soldiers. He spoke with me and insisted he would come. But I told him to stay, and that my responsibilities to the church and children came before anything. I told him to leave me alone. He said he knew in the dream that I was in danger, but I was especially close with a young boy that I insisted needed me, so I wouldn't go away with him (wonder sometimes if the boy was my dad in this life). He says he insisted to his superiors on accompanying our party, but was denied. He says he threw such a raging fit and repeated he would refuse their orders, so he was arrested. He remembers that he tried to fight back during the arrest so they chained him to a wall, and he says when he woke he knew that because he was arrested, he was never able to reunite with me, and knew that had been the end of our relationship. Both of our dreams resonated with each other and I believe some of the themes carried into this life. Why we were friends first, the age gap, the ease we have with each other, and the lessons we overcame. He served in the military in this life, and although a nurse now, had worked security and does martial arts as a hobby. We both have the feeling that this is the first life we have actually developed into a relationship.

Another individual who shared a past life dream with me was my best friend in high school. She was extroverted, flirtatious and we instantly clicked. We sometimes had premonitions or odd occurrences. Like once when sharing headphones, I didn't like the song she chose, and in my mind was thinking 'oh this is complete shit, please god change the song, it suuuucks', suddenly she snapped the headphones away and said 'fine, I'll change it! It does not suck! You don't have to be rude'. Her mom and been driving, and said 'she didn't even say anything'. My friend thought we were both pulling her leg, but I insisted that while I had been thinking it to myself, I hadn't said a word! Another time we dreamt a very similar dream, me seeing a red star, wet roads and all the houses clear as glass. While she dreamt of a red moon, wet roads and people clear as glass. Sometimes she would suddenly call, and say 'what happened to you, I have a bad feeling', and some trouble had occurred with me. I always had feelings for her but never acted on them or expressed them, really too young to know I was lesbian yet, just that she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and that I loved her (as a reeeeally good friend). She seemed to know about my feelings and would do things like teach me to make out, or insist that she always slept naked at home so it was ok to sleep naked with me (I never complained)! One night we both had a past life dream of each other, but I never gave her full details of mine (it was too weird to discuss as a teen). We both dreamt we had been lovers. She said I was a man with dark hair, around 19. She was around the same age, but white, very catholic, and was so in love with me she thought we would be married, but that I had used her and left her, and that she hated me for it. That I had tricked her. She kept saying 'you were such an asshole'. I just told her that I had been a young man with dark hair and eyes, and that I had loved her, and that she had red curly hair (she's definitely Mexican American in this life). But the truth was, in the dream, a girl named Rosalind was sleeping in an attic room next to me on a straw tick bed. I had been pursuing her because she was the most beautiful girl in town. I had jumped out of bed with a feeling of accomplishment, and knew I had triumphed over something. I had wanted to lose my virginity, and was trying up pants, getting dressed before she woke up. I knew I had to leave quickly before we were caught together, and planned on bragging to all of my friends because she was known to be very stiff. I did have feelings for her, but when I woke I knew that she had found out I told others what we had done, and that she never forgave me for it. It definitely seemed to influence her in this life. As we got older, she was a terrible flirt, and seemed to have a lot of irritation at men. Teasing crushes and initiating sexual acts, but never losing her virginity, then breaking their hearts, and after one brutal episode, I insisted she had been cruel to the guy who was a year younger. Because he was sweet, quiet, and a sensitive type, and that she was mean to lead him on just to dump him. I remember she said 'men would use you anyway, just to take from you sexually, so why can't I do it to them'? She did feel very guilty later, and it made me think of the bits of the dream I hadn't told her (she certainly had never been used in such a way by anyone in this life). She continued to flirt with me over the years, but would also push me away over minor spats, and we broke off the friendship when she insisted that I drove her crazy, because I didn't support her decisions (I was a goody two shoes and she used to go to parties). Finally in my twenties we reconnected and she then learned I had come out. She said 'it's weird because I like men, but I used to wish my dream about you could have been true in this life, because if you were a man you'd be my soul mate'. I put a boundary down and let her know that I realized as I grew older that I had been attracted to her, but that we shouldn't talk about it anymore, and I moved on. When I visited her she introduced me to her boyfriend. They had been dating for two years. Later though, she joined me downstairs to listen to a CD, and tried to climb in my lap and cuddle. I snapped at her, and she insisted that she was only joking. Later she randomly outed me to her boyfriend and when he jokingly checked her neck for hickies, I was outraged, but she was grinning. I stormed out of the house, and wrote her a long letter explaining why we should not contact each other anymore. I remember she would not admit that she was angry with me, that she was not making light of my confession, and was very upset with me. Very hurt and calling on the promise I made to always be her friend, to help her with her kids one day, and only live a house away. She insisted in her reply that I was betraying her trust, and that we were soul mates. I think now she was confused and acting out, and wondered if she had gotten revenge in this life for something she doesn't remember me doing to her in a previous one.

Another past life dream occurred in college. I had to pick a foreign language class and chose Japanese. I didn't have a huge fascination with Japan, but did know a lot of Japanese culture facts. My aunt once hosted a Japanese exchange student named Ai and when I was 5, and they said I used to follow her all around (I only remember Ai's knees and making paper cranes with her). I did fall into Zen Buddhism on accident in my twenties, when I explained my 'deep' philosophies on life to a friend who said 'you sound Buddhist, read this book'. I assumed they were the guys that didn't step on ants, and it took me a year to actually get around to reading it, but after reading it... I realized my philosophies were not terribly unique... and that someone had explained them better! I did fall into an odd genre of music just before taking Japanese classes. Enko singers, and post world war singers like Eri Chiemi and the Tokyo Cuban boys. The rest of my classmates were into anime, but I didn't have the same interest, I did like older Japanese things (randomly... goldfish). Now at 32 I have two 75gallons and a 55gallon full of show quality ranchu, lionchu, pearlscale and butterfly telescopes. During college I was picking up the language and writing well, but also very annoyed with the class. I can't explain well, but I always felt a push pull way towards Japan. Fascinated with some of its culture, bit also totally disgusted (with what I don't really know and can't even be specific, just disinterested but interested). One night during college I dreamt a very vivid dream. I was a young Japanese boy, living with my uncles family. Older than 5 but younger than 12, and shorter than my cousins. The war had ended, and I was a pitiful sorry for myself kind of kid. Miserable and negative. I didn't like my uncle, and thought he was cold and resented me. I thought my cousins resented me, and that my aunt was only taking me in because she was obligated. I was ignoring them, mostly silent, avoiding eye contact, but they also seemed to be avoiding me as well. My aunt didn't acknowledge me when she was working on the paper of a sliding door. My uncle had too many cats who were sitting in the yard, and I even hated them. Stomping around to scare them off (I love cats in this life). I snuck away to a dug out beyond the house and down the road, just to be by myself. There was dug out that looked like bomb shelters during Japanese war time, with wood beams across the dirt roof and framing the entryway. I was playing in a puddle with some sort of rainbow oil floating, making patterns with a stick. I eventually started to play with matches, lighting a rag on the end of a stick, and pushing it along the top of the water. I knew it was dangerous and bad if I was caught. I knew I was fascinated by fire and secretly kept matches all the time (did go through a magnifying glass fire making phase in this life around 9!) I suddenly heard the voices of my cousins and their friends coming, and quickly put out the fire and tried to hide what I'd been doing. I even straightened up when they came in and was terrified. I was berating myself for being a bad kid, and wondering why I always do bad things, and knew they would tell on me. Then they would be disgusted and say I was always making trouble. Except they didn't. They hadn't noticed, and they didn't say anything to me, and I felt worse because they were playing with each other like I didn't exist. I hated them for always ignoring me. Nobody would even look in my direction, and I knew I wanted to leave everyone, and that I didn't want to live with them anymore. Just as I woke up I heard a woman's voice say the word 'tetsukun!' It was very loud. I tried to research the word but couldn't find it. It took me a couple of weeks to realize that -kun is a suffix ending to young boys names. A young boy named Tetsu or Tetsuo would be called Tetsukun. It didn't click at the time because I was more familiar with adult -san, or girlish -chan. When I looked it up, Tetsu is a common boys name. Some years later after my grandmother passed, I was given a box of her things. In it was a little wooden Japanese doll, and suddenly memories hit me! It was a doll that my grandfather had given my grandmother from Japan. I remember playing with it as a young child, and she would get irritated and say 'be careful it's an antique!', and eventually put it up on a shelf. But I remember always arguing back that I knew how to play with the doll right and used to have one. The memory struck me because I really never spoke back to my grandma, and was pushing it. I was a quiet kid, and never back-talked! But I remember feeling very strongly insulted and very upset that she didn't believe I knew how to play with it, (a little possessive too). I had forgotten it all those years until pulling it out of the box. It has a large round wooden head on a cylinder wooden body, and is painted. The head wobbles loose on a wooden peg neck and I'm not sure if it's broken or built that way. As I was holding the doll as an adult, I had a very creepy feeling and remembered the dream in college. I researched Japanese dolls, until I found the exact one. A kokeshi model from the 1950s. So I do think I lived in Japan sometime in the 50's, but since I was born in '85, I don't know if I had a long life previously. I remember oddly thinking I would die by 30 in this life. Always in the back of my mind assuming that I would have some sort of accident, but I didn't!

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?      No     

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?        Yes    Recognizing someone and knowing their personality instantly.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?       No     

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?    Asleep

Was the experience dream like in any way?           Yes

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?         No     

What emotions did you feel during the experience?           All sorts of emotions

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           It's described

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?           No     

Did you see a light?         No     

Did you meet or see any other beings?         No     

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state?    No     

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?        No     

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?  Yes    The dreams were as vivid and colorful and intense as actual life. Unlike ordinary dreams.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?           Yes    I got an innate sense of age and time even though I was first person.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?           No     

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?              No     

Did you become aware of future events?      No     

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?     No      Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? No     

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?         No     

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?    I did and do believe that reincarnation is possible. Just don't know if a personal soul continues on, or if I recalled lives of someone else's previous consciousness. Not sure if souls are individual and move forward through lifetimes individually or not.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? No     

Have you shared this experience with others?           Yes    Those I shared lives with also dreamed of a shared life with me on the same night.

What emotions did you experience following your experience? Confirmation of the familiarity I shared with those I shared lives with, and the ease of clicking with them.

What was the best and worst part of your experience? Worst part of the Japanese memory, is the intense negativity and victimized sorry for myself mentality. It was not in any way similar to how I behave in this life, and there is an uncomfortableness surrounding the topic of Japan. It stirred up angst that doesn't feel familiar in this life. I avoided Japanese topics after the dream, and didn't finish courses in Japanese language. I still feel panicky if I think of the dream, and only told my husband about the incident once.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?      No.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       No     

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?             Yes    Yes for the most part. A lot of these questions are regarding a NDE or memories of an in-between which I don't have.