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Jan R's Experience

Experience description:   

1997 was an unbelievably stressful time for me in my personal and professional life.  The manufacturing facility where I worked had burned down, my husband and I had to move to Virginia which I hated, and I had since moved twice more ending up back north.  We were separated, he in Baltimore and me in New York and I was living in a run down apartment where I hadn't even unpacked as I felt so lonely and disconnected.  In the late Fall of 1996, I felt my usually minimal clairvoyant nature start to rev up.  I was getting "news flashes" as I call them more clearly and more often.  Interesting in and of themselves, but nothing prepared me for what was to happen later that winter. 

It might have been January of 1997...one day was particularly and acutely painful for me personally.  Work was a bear, my old friend there was now to be my boss...I don't know.  I can't remember everything that happened that day, but I do know it was a Friday and I came home totally distraught.  I haven't ever felt that way before and haven't since either.  I was shaking my head physically trying to shake it off.  I think the closest I can describe it is grief...like when you lose a loved one.  Recently, I lost my companion of many years and it felt like that, when you don't know where to stick yourself you're so grief-stricken.   

I remember feeling the only place to go was to lay on the daybed I was using as a sofa.  I immediately went to sleep.  When I awoke several hours later, it was like I was emerging from something really really deep.  It took me maybe an hour to come out of it.  I remember thinking that this was crazy...what kind of pit was I in anyway.  I had never experienced waking up quite like that and it was a little scary as I literally STRUGGLED to regain consciousness. 

But when I did, wow.  I was in a totally different place.  AND I DON'T MEAN MAYBE!  I felt totally, completely, profoundly at peace.  It felt as though I were in a light-filled tube sort of.  I could see my problems all around me on the other side of this "tube", but they didn't affect me AT ALL.  I had no emotions connected to them, no pain, no reaction to them AT ALL.  I was filled completely with peace, no ifs ands or buts.  It had a physical and mental resonance to it too that words cannot ever describe appropriately.  A sort of vibration I had never ever experienced before or since.  My thinking was super super clear. 

Now, I have been a writer all my life.  Words have always been easy to put on paper.  But this....no way.  I can't adequately describe where I was, why or how I got there.  But it was definitely a "there".  A light-filled, vibrational, peaceful, profound "there".  This state lasted all weekend, gradually tapering off into Monday.  It was during that weekend that I decided to buy the house I have lived in ever since.  And from that point on, my life seemed to be more "in order" if you will. 

Okay...so where the heck was I?  I have puzzled over that for years, banty-ing it back and forth in my mind, trying to find an answer.  As I mentioned, my companion passed a few weeks ago and right after his death, it occurred to me that perhaps I had had a near death "like" experience.  A peek at something on the other side...not the whole picture, just a peek.  I still don't really know for sure.  I do know one thing for sure, it happened and if I could recreate it I would in a heartbeat. 

As I reread the words I have written here, I realize how little it really expresses how much I felt...the depth and breadth of it astounds me to this day.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     How do you describe an intense, profound, consciousness-altering state of mind to someone who hasn't experienced it themselves?  I have tried to explain it through the years, to myself and others, and have never been satisfied with my descriptions.  Add that to the disbelieving looks of those listening to me and it's an impossible scenario.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          No      

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    Definitely, directly after I finally got fully awake.  And I sat there on the daybed for hours in wonder.  I have no idea if I even went to bed that night, I can't remember.  I just remember sitting there in total awe trying to figure out where I "was".

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            Definitely, directly after I finally got fully awake.  And I sat there on the daybed for hours in wonder.  I have no idea if I even went to bed that night, I can't remember.  I just remember sitting there in total awe trying to figure out where I "was".

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     Clarify of thought and the feeling of light all around me were DEFINITELY different.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Uncertain

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Wonder.  Purity of purpose.  I wish I could remember all I felt.  Bewilderment.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Yes     I was in a light-filled tube of sorts.  And that's where I stayed for maybe three days.

Did you see a light?           Yes     Light surrounded me.  The "tube" WAS light.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           No      

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     I felt as though I was IN a distinct dimension, totally different from the earthly dimension I was used to.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Uncertain      This is a tough question to answer, given my experience.  I seemed to lose track of time that weekend as well as lose my sense of my body.  Like I was living outside of my usual "self".  My focus was entirely different.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Uncertain            Just in the sense that THIS WAS SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL and I was to pay attention!

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     The "tube" was a sort of ethereal boundary and I knew not to leave it...I guess you could say.  I never felt like I wanted to leave it actually or could for that matter.

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     I can "read" people with greater clarity.  My "revved up" clairvoyance is still with me, although still erratic.  I've had several occasions where I've run into people I can so totally tap into that it scares them.  It's sort of a situation where I look into their eyes and this kind of "flow" state starts happening.  Hard to describe really.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I first shared it with my husband.  He was really interested as he has first hand witnessed something one night involving me that totally freaked him out, so he knows I'm "different".  I guess it was only a few months after the experience when I shared it with him.  I don't think he was influenced one way or the other.  My husband is a very pragmatic and practical thinker...an engineer by trade.  He doesn't really know how to handle things he's seen with me, so he tends to just leave them alone and move on.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    Simply put, I was puzzled.  Where had I been??  What sort of place was this??  Why me??  And who the heck was behind it??  I had no idea where to put it in my mind, no one that I knew who I could relate to or who had ever had this happen to them.  And it's puzzled me since and I think of it almost every day.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            That feeling of being completely and utterly separated from my problems and being profoundly at peace.  Wow.  How can I describe that??  It wasn't just a oh I'll forget about them for a while thing.  Do that and they're still there, nagging at you anyway.  It was PROFOUND AND COMPLETE.  Trust me, I know how to disassociate.  I was sexually abused for years as a child...I KNOW how to disassociate so the pain isn't so bad.  This was TOTALLY DIFFERENT.  And the sort of resonance or vibration of where I was at was so awesome feeling...can't describe it.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    It's as real to me today as it was then.  I have absolutely, positively, completely no doubt in my mind that it happened and that it is as profound to me today as it was then.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     My husband and I got back together because I pushed for it after my experience.  I was certain that we should stay together and in 1999, he moved back up north with me.  And we are still together, albeit in a different sort of marriage than most would accept.  I am a complex sort of person and seemingly more so in the last 10 years.  I have had a long term "companionship" sort of relationship with a man who just passed.  So, I'm definitely not your normal sort of married woman.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?           
Yes     I have always been a seeker of truth, but this experience accelerated my quest for spiritual knowledge.  Any why not?  Who wouldn't want to know more after getting a "peek" at something so amazing?!

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes     No medications or substances...in fact I quit drinking and all that since.  But I do have on occasion these instances where I "lock" up with someone for some reason and reach a sort of very distinct flow state with them that is very hard to describe.  One person that happened with told me that "I was trouble".  Well I don't know about trouble, but it's for sure out of the ordinary!

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        No I think I've about described as much as I can.  I can't emphasize enough how profound this was.  I know I've said it often here!  It's like someone flipped a switch from dark to light.  That's how poignantly different the experience felt from where I had been before I slept.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes     Yes...HOWEVER.  Give me a different language to use and I might better explain it!  I am being facetious here, but there is some truth to that.

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?   You've done a pretty thorough job here, so no.