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Jacqueline M's Experience

Experience description:   

Prior to the event (around one week) I had been contemplating suicide. Although I wanted to take my life I was also very scared. I had no idea whether there would be life after death or just an end to all of my existence. My mind was racing with questions. What happens when we die being the main one. How would I take my life was the other. The night I had the NDE I went to bed at around 10.20pm. The next thing I remember is waking up and feeling completely conscious, but I found myself floating near the ceiling of my bedroom. I felt very confused for I knew I wasn't dreaming, I was consciously awake and very alert. I could see myself lying asleep in bed and my partner beside me. I remember trying to analyze what was happening, yet unable to comprehend what was happening. As I questioned how could I be awake and floating near the ceiling when I could clearly see my body lying in bed I began to travel at a very rapid speed through a dark tunnel. I wasn't in the dark tunnel very long at all, it felt like a few seconds.

All of a sudden I found myself in a place that was completely white. The only way I can explain this 'white' is if you can imagine looking at a light so bright that it would hurt your eyes. Only my eyes did not hurt, but the brightness of this white was like nothing I had ever seen before - it was truly amazing. As I looked around there was nothing around me, just white. I remember thinking to myself with an unbelievable feeling of excitement 'I am home'. I felt light, and it was as though I was connected to everything around me. There was no sense of separation. All of a sudden a deep white tunnel opened up in front of me. It was huge, and as I looked into it I knew it's depth was enormous. I describe this tunnel as massive clouds coming together in the form of a tunnel. As I stood in front of this tunnel I began to hear the most amazing tune coming from within its depths.

To me it seemed as though there was an immense choir within the tunnel humming this incredible tune, like nothing I've ever heard before - it was truly beautiful. I felt drawn into the tunnel and did not hesitate. I recall trying to step into the tunnel three times, and each time it was as though I was being sprung back by an invincible spring. I could not step into the tunnel. Then a white being appeared to my left. I knew he was male although I could not see his face clearly. He began communicating with me, not with words but through thoughts, and I was doing the same. He told me I could not enter the tunnel. I remember arguing with him, saying: "I must, this is my home, this is where I belong, I do not want to go back". He told me I had work to do that I had not completed and had to return. As I begun to fight for my right to be there I suddenly found myself travelling back through the black tunnel at rapid speed. I then woke up in bed, sat up started at the wonder of what had just happened to me. All of this took place within half an hour of my going to sleep that night. The next day I began researching this phenomena.

One thing I was sure of is that it was not a dream. I was fully conscious and aware of everything that had taken place. I proceeded to go and see a psychic who said to me: "You are so blessed to have been shown where we go after our physical body dies". "You must have a very important journey in this life time as they did not want you to take your life". "They were answering all of your questions". They did indeed answer all of my questions: There is life after death; there is no need to fear death for we never die; and suicide is not right. I realized not long after that I had answers and knowledge to questions but no idea where I had found it - I just knew. One of the most important things I remember when I came back is that all of the insurmountable problems I thought I had were no longer troubling me. I was able to deal with each situation without becoming emotionally attached. I also had a strong desire to help others. I knew deep down this was my purpose in life.

I later bought books on out of body experiences, something I had never heard of before, and was surprised and glad to hear that I wasn't the only one that had had these experiences. Strange things started to happen after the night of my NDE. I would hear the voices of people and children in distress. I recall one night hearing the voice of a young child, crying and distressed. I woke my partner up and asked him if he could hear that. He said "no". I was the only one hearing the voices. I became very uncomfortable and scared of these voices and so decided to go back to the psychic and seek help. She told me that due to my NDE I had opened up to other levels of dimension, specifically to what is known as 'lost souls' or 'ghosts'. She showed me how I could block these voices out, and so I did. I also began having out of body experiences and remembering every single detail of where I had been. I spent many years researching out of body experiences, and found myself able to project myself out of my physical body at will. There were specific times of the day when it would be easier for me to do this, specifically late morning and and late afternoon.

I've had many out of body experiences since. I have seen what the soul looks like, the many shapes and forms it takes. I did this by lying in bed with a large mirror opposite to me. Although I was physically unable to move during an OBE, my soul would sit up and I could see its shape and form reflected in the mirror. My soul was outlined by an electric blue thin line, with what appeared like white fog surrounding it. In this particular experiment I lifted my soul's right hand (which was the same shape as my physical hand but smaller). I studied it in amazement, then lifted the left hand and as I brought them closer together I could see electric blue threads running from one hand to the other. I then took my right hand and placed it above my physical leg, it felt like a magnetic pull and my soul's hand was immediately drawn back into my physical body. I've had many experiences like this, each one as amazing as the other. I have watched myself travel through furniture and objects (which I find quite uncomfortable). I have experimented by focusing on a particular person before I undergo an OBE and have travelled overseas to visit this person, seen what the other person was doing and have had proof that it was so.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   No  Although there was no associated life-threatening event I was undergoing what I thought at the time were very stressful situations which were out of my control. I was living with my then partner, has fallen pregnant accidentally (I was on the pill at the time). My partner wanted to keep the baby, I was not ready. My parents were undergoing a divorce, and relying on me for support and help whilst they themselves were struggling through the break-up.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No     The only part I find difficult to express is the humming that came out of the white tunnel. I have never heard anything like it before.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    From the moment I found myself floating near the ceiling of my bedroom.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      Normal consciousness and alertness   The only difference i felt was that of lightness.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
   I remember the brightness of the colour white like nothing I had ever seen before. Also my ability to perceive everything around me, like 360 degree vision.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
   I'm not sure how to answer this, as there were no words spoken. I recall it being like telepathy. I would capture the thoughts of the white being standing beside me, and also able to send my thoughts to him.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   At first i felt confused as I could not understand how I could be floating near the ceiling, yet see my physical body asleep in bed. I knew I was completely awake. I felt such immense happiness and an overwhelming feeling of being at home when I arrived at the 'white' place. I also recall feeling upset when told I could not stay.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No   I stood in front of the tunnel but could not enter. I tried stepping into it three times, and each time I would bounce back as if being pulled by an invincible spring.

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   It was a pure white light. It was everywhere. It was so bright that I know if I were to see it through my physical eyes I would have to look away because of its intense brightness.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
A white being appeared to my left. I knew he was male although I cannot explain how I knew this, for I could not clearly define his features. He communicated with me via his thoughts and I did the same. I heard voices humming from within the white tunnel - the tune was without a word out of this world.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
I was shown a realm that was simply white in color - everything was white. The tunnel that opened up in front of me was white. There was nothing else around me aside from the spiritual being that appeared to my left - he was also white.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Yes
I was not allowed to go any further, although I did not want to return to my physical body. I was not given a choice.

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was "sent back" against my will

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   This is difficult to explain as I do not recall being given the information during the time of my NDE, yet I came back with the knowledge and assurance that there is life after death. I also was very clear about the fact that suicide was not a good thing (at least for me) as this would disrupt certain events not only in my life but the lives of those around me.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   During the experience I was completely connected to everything around me - there was no sense of separation.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Yes  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Uncertain   Although there was no specific information, I felt unconditional love surrounding me, and through me, like never before.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   I knew I was 'home'. I knew I had a purpose to fulfill - to help others and to teach.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience  

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   The imprint of the experience has never left me, I remember everything in detail. I have tried to bring back that feeling of complete peace and love, but have found it near impossible to feel at a physical level.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   After my experience I came back with a purpose, a reason to live. The need to share my experience with others and help them understand their own lives. Somehow life is easier to bear now.

My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?  
Yes   Since my experience I have a strong dislike for those who instill fear in others - especially the church and much of what bible prophets. I have a strong belief that we are all connected and that by helping one another we help ourselves.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes   Since my experience I have OBEs.

I have become strongly clairsentient - I sense spirits.

My dreams are more vivid and I often receive information and knowledge of a spiritual and psychic nature through my dreams.    

Have you ever shared this experience with others?  
Yes  It took me a while to speak to others about my experience. I thought they would find it difficult to believe and perhaps think I had lost the plot. When I did speak about it, some people thought it was amazing, others looked puzzled. Others were influenced by the fact that I was able to describe this place I call 'home', giving those dying hope of a better place. For others it has given them purpose.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No  

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   The experience itself felt very real. I was completely conscious and aware of everything happening to me at the time - there was never any doubt in my mind.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real  

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I have a better understanding of others and although I have always been compassionate, I am now more so because of my experience. I have an incredible ability to forgive, unable to hate or hold a grudge - no matter what. This does not mean that I will put up with certain people that try and cause me pain, I just remove myself and let go of the emotional attachment.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   Although I was brought up to believe in God, I wasn't sure if God existed. I feared doing the wrong thing because of the consequences attached (according to the church and the bible) that I may not go to heaven. Nowadays I have complete belief in God, although I see God as a state of being - the peace and unconditional love that I felt during my experience. I believe there is no right or wrong religion - although I strongly reject any religion that instills fear.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No     

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes