had been suffering mentally for months due to the death of one of my closest
friends, a woman left me who I loved more than any before her or since and I
have suffered for a long time before that thinking about my near non existent
relationship to my heroin addicted mother. A friend invited me to his house, I
hadn't seen him in over a year and wanted to try to cheer myself up. He had
ketamine and I was in a ' F*** it ' kind of mood. I had taken my fair share of
speed and MDMA before, plus my sister took it all the time so what's the big
deal? that was my perspective back then. I got given a big line with a width and
length on par with my index finger, I snorted it half down one nostril, half
down another. and felt a feeling of comfort, the first release of the internal
suffering I'd endured in silent isolation for months. As my friend left the
room, I pulled my feet up onto the bed I was sat on and sat cross legged. my
back was up against the wall and my mind emptied. Then I felt myself float
upward out of my body and In the space of about 5 seconds I floated into the
ceiling and instead of entering the next room up I was enveloped in a totally
pink... space. it was void like with no objects, people or anything. It was a
pale pink akin to cherry blossoms. To back track a sec, my dad had told me that
Tibetan monks had been reporting astral intrusions by ketamine users and this
gave me the feeling of wrongful intrusion the instant I hit the ceiling, I felt
truly sorry in myself although my feelings did feel more potent than usual as I
am usually a very conscious and empathetic person That feeling of apologetic
energy was familiar to me. I was Told by an unknown voice that 'I was not ready
to be here.' I could feel this will. like a second instinct. Another life will
was within me. slightly offset to my right. I felt so sorry. but in the second
after the unknown's statement I felt this accepting energy, like it accepted my
apology. I was sent speeding forwards and a golden lotus outline came towards
me. Like a ring it swept past me. I heard a faint vroom as it passed and in
equal spacing another followed behind it as if the distance between each was
perfect. countless of them before me swept passed and as I went forwards a Black
dot appeared at the centre of this 'Lotus Road' and as we I went forwards
towards it this blackness spread slightly. After what felt like 2 minutes I was
enveloped in total black but had a feeling of still moving forwards. The golden
lotus rings had disappeared from sight. I did not look back or try to change the
direction of my sight as I felt like I was being lead somewhere by something.
after a minute of being in that black void where I felt nothing I saw a red spec
appear just as the blackness had but this was different, it was pulsating
slightly, the diameter of this spec, as it grew showed a clear 2 steps out 1
step in pattern until it encompassed most of my sight. I could see this red
cloud or blob of energy but never entered it. I saw an image in the centre
suddenly appear. It was an Image of my mum when she must have been young. maybe
how she looked around the time of my birth. I have never had much photos of her
and most of from later in life. I could see her as if she was right in front of
me with her eyes shut. I could only see the top half of her body and she was
wearing a white jumper and her Krishna beads. her face was pointing as if she
was looking at the floor to my left although and her body was also facing that
direction and her arms were out of view. I appeared from nowhere in the same
manner. Eyes shut as if I was leaning back on her (I would date the age of me in
the image as 6 or 7) then My first sister Lizzy appeared in front of me in the
same manner I did with my mum, she was leaning on me but I could still see every
ones faces. this pattern continued until I could see my mum with me, Lizzy,
Louise and Gemma all leaning on the older one before them. Then I saw my mothers
arms rise and she placed them over my younger self's shoulders and reached to
Gemma to hug us all on the neck slightly at the same time. As I watched her
hands meet Gemma I started to feel the upper arms I could see on this younger me
on my shoulders and neck and in the bat of an eyelid I was back in my friends
room. In the first 5 seconds I felt a Huge surge of profoundly positive energy
unlike anything I had felt, Even the Euphoria of MDMA wasn't it's equal. after
that my stomach was overwhelmed and I had to vomit. I spent 2 to 3 hours
vomiting. Although the experience helped me and was indeed profoundly life
changing. I swore I wouldn't do ketamine again as the whole experience was an
Intrusion. Even an accepted Intrusion is an intrusion.
This experience has had a profound impact on my perception of the world and has
given me a level of peace of mind regarding my mum since this event.
closing I would like to advise against taking ketamine to anyone not only due to
my experiences but also due to a friends girlfriend who had a mental breakdown
after going into a place filled with apparitions of death and despair in total
darkness filed with images ripped from a necromancers dream. I only shared this
because it seemed unlike anything anyone else has shared so I felt I had to
speak up. Please Don't do ketamine It's oily crystals are highly destructive to
the human body and has (when misused) has caused damage to people as young as 18
to require a colostomy. It devastates the bladder as the crystals survive the
liver and can damage that too. I'm not that learned on the damage it can do but
I've seen that happen to my sisters friend so I will advise heavily against it.
you for reading about my experience
Any associated medications or
substances with the potential to affect the experience?
AS I said Ketamine was the main catalyst,
but I have had a cannabis habit at the time and was smoking hashish that night
in a bong (water pipe)
Was the kind of experience
difficult to express in words?
At the time of this experience, was
there an associated life threatening event?
What was your level of
consciousness and alertness during the experience?
I felt fully conscious and after the
apologetic energy passed I felt relaxed followed by empty then after the
experience was euphoric briefly before vomiting profusely for over 2 hours. I
still felt pretty good after that too actually
Was the experience dream like in any way?
No I Felt like was actually there
Did you experience a separation of
your consciousness from your body?
Uncertain I did not look at my body or see
any of my physical body at any point during the experience. and I saw no trace
of the silver cord either. But I felt myself lift out of my body. I felt
separated. I did not look back at my body for a second.
What emotions did you feel during
At the moment
of raising I felt slightly surprised, then I thought I was doing a forced
projection and felt guilty and apologetic. I felt accepted and then relaxed, as
I entered the black I felt nothing at all until I returned to my body and I felt
absolutely amazing. quickly needing to throw up. but still felt better than when
I arrived after my stomach calmed down
Did you hear any unusual sounds or
The Sound of
the lotus rings had a distinctive vroom that I remember and I think the red
cloud / blob sounded like it was making some sort of pulsating noise that
matched the expansion of the color and grew with it in volume. It was almost
like a heartbeat mixed with a refrigerator.
Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar
religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or
Uncertain What I saw could have been a level
or levels of a spiritual dimension like the astral plain or a part of the Hindu
spiritual universe because of the lotus rings. But I'm not that well informed on
the astral plain or the Hindu spiritual universe. So I couldn't say.
Did you see a light?
Did you meet or see any other
I was unable to identify the entity. It felt like
a higher form of consciousness than me. The words it spoke where 'You are not
ready to be here.' and the rest was an unspoken intuitive exchange of emotion
directly, with no words needed.
Did you experiment while out of the
body or in another, altered state?
Did you observe or hear anything
regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?
Did you notice how your 5 senses
were working, and if so, how were they different?
I didn't try to touch, smell, taste or touch
anything at all and didn't think about their functionality at all but my sight
was functioning fairly normally although I didn't change my viewpoint. I felt
like I was being lead on a sensory level.
Did you have any sense of altered
space or time?
Uncertain I don't fully understand the
Did you have a sense of knowing,
special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
I felt a force that wanted to show me
something that was meant to help me achieve peace.
Did you reach a boundary or
limiting physical structure?
Did you become aware of future
Were you involved in or aware of a
decision regarding your return to the body?
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the
experience that you did not have prior to the experience?
Did you have any changes of
attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
Yes Since then I've been feeling a lot
less concern regarding my 'relationship' with my mother. I have also become more
interested in theological ideas since then as well.
How has the experience affected
your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?
I was a lot nicer to people and
was far less quick to anger. I have been thinking a lot about humans role in the
environment and the barriers to a true peace for all. Hoping for a change in
this eternal stand off of deterrence in which there is never trust.
Has your life changed specifically
as a result of your experience?
Yes I won't be taking ketamine again
and I don't doubt my mum cares. Even if she is unable to master herself and is
lost in her own abyss of addiction. Somewhere in her consciousness is caring.
Have you shared this experience
Yes most seemed pretty pleased I
experienced that but some have expressed jealousy, disgust and rejection
What emotions did you experience
following your experience?
a massive surge
of peace and happiness which was lowered after the vomiting (2+ hrs) then I just
felt a lot more tranquil and found my emotions manifested a lot less and far
weaker than before. this has since passed. it lasted for about 3-4 months.
What was the best and worst part of
I think the
whole experience was the best part and the worst part was that I had to come
Is there anything else you would
like to add concerning the experience?
I would like to
understand more about this, this is why I am telling. I also hope that this
helps someone somehow.
Following the experience, have you
had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced
any part of the experience?
Did the questions asked and
information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your
like some of these questions are double crammed a bit. I understand you want to
minimize space but If the questions become harder to understand It'll make
answering harder and alienate less intelligent people. I also understand that
lazy people might be alienated by a long questionnaire but I'm not stupid but I
had to guess what a couple meant and this is one of them. Plus personally, if it
was my site, I'd rather be rid of the lazy people anyway to minimize half
Please offer any suggestions you
may have to improve this questionnaire.
perhaps make a
page that explains what the questions mean in case they get tripped up. you
might find people are less like to click no response for some of the questions
if you did.