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Helen T's Experience

Experience description:   

(Note: Please be patient.  Before I would relate my 'enlightenment' experience, I will try to put it in context, therefore I will start my story when I was 5 or 6 years old, when I had experienced some minor spiritual experiences.  The big 'enlightenment' experience occurred when I was about 16.  And some years after that, I found that I could spontaneously go out of my body at will to acquire knowledge or simply to visit.  But I will omit those experiences, since they are too numerous. I also found that I have other talents gradually emerged in me, such as healing, and the ability to play impromptu music, and to create lively visual arts.  I think these are all results of my 'enlightenment' experience. 

Below I will try to relate my spiritual experiences without interpretation. The process turned out to be less of a memory recollection than a reliving of the actual experiences. You will find that I would switch to present tense when I am reliving those moments. However, the period before my major spiritual experience (my awakening or enlightenment experience), I relive those moments more as a bystander, perhaps due to my enlightenment experience being such a life-changer that I am no longer the girl that I was before the experience. Here's my story:) 

A 5 or 6 year old girl that I was finds herself being troubled and saddened by all the news about war and suffering she sees on TV. She does not want her sadness to affect her family, so she would cry quietly by herself when she takes baths. While she sits in the warm bath, she would sometimes look at her small arms and hands from somewhere behind her eyes, from somewhere calm inside her and finds it fascinating that she has such small arms, that she can move them about, manipulate them at that particular moment in time, in that bath tub. There are also vague remembrances of other times of such clarity in her mind, such as this particular moment that I am typing these words - now. 

The 5 or 6 year old little girl is outdoors on school ground being lined up for class photo. A question crosses her mind: 'What is a class photo that gets this moment etched in time that I can look back at later in life?' Immediately a realization comes upon the girl, and her consciousness rises above and expands further and further out. A love and kindness toward all beings envelope her. 

As the girl grows up, she is still saddened by all the bad news she sees on TV, and frustrated that she cannot do anything about them, or understands why they happen. She gets depressed. The depression gets so bad that she wants to kill herself. Ending it all seems such an easy way out. But she can't. She cannot bear doing that to her family. She also remembers the Christian teaching at school about killing oneself, and the Buddhist teaching about people having to come back lifetime after lifetime to resolve matters. What if these teachings are right? Seeing no other way out, she feels more trapped and depressed. So she sits. Everyday she does her duties - go to school, come home and study. And then she sits, pondering. From pondering to reading books about philosophy, she finds no resolution. But she finds that she feels less depressed just by sitting here watching her own breathing. And so she starts checking out books from the library about meditation as well, and begins her amateurish way of meditation. 

The girl is now a teenager. She has experienced a few more epiphanies, such as the realization that all people are equal inside, from the most admired to the most despised in society. So she tries to treat everyone equally with respect. 

Then one calm night while I was a teenager I have my awakening or enlightenment experience. I have been studying physics for an exam, and find myself absorbing the material better than normal. Time seems to be under my command, and so passes by slowly or rapidly at will, allowing myself to absorb the material fully. My hearing is also very acute, and I can literally hear the sounds of silence all around, which is a slight buzzing sound. And this buzzing sound seems to penetrate afar. When I hear this sound I feel that I am connected to far away beyond the stars in the sky. 

After studying, I go to bed as usual. And being used to meditation by now, I automatically focus my attention on my third eye in order to relax. The third eye is the area between my eyebrows. Light appears to my third eye as usual. But this time it is different. The light intensifies and I am pulled into it. I allow myself to follow it, and immediately the buzzing sound I have been hearing all night magnifies many folds and becomes the sound of a million roaring bees. At the same time I find myself traveling at tremendous speed toward the light. It feels like traveling through a tunnel, since many visions and places pass by my two sides in a blur. I know I have but one goal - I want answers to all the big questions in life. And that lies forward, in the light. 

At the time of this experience, I have been skeptical of all religions, yet remain open-minded to all of them. And so I am not expecting any religious experience in any shape or forms, or any religious experience at all. But somehow I know that I can get some answers by going toward that light. 

The light intensifies to billions of times brighter than any light I have ever seen or could ever imagine. I have awakened or arrived at this place of no limit. The Light is everywhere. The Light is bright, clear, without limit, blissful, loving, and full of clear intelligence. The love and bliss are also billions of times more intense and richer than any I have ever experienced. There is also a presence about the Light. A presence without form, but of pure clear light and love and bliss and intelligence. And I realize that I am also this Light. For the first time in my life, I have an awakened feeling that makes all my previous waking hours feel like a big sluggish slumber. I am this Light. I am without limit and am everywhere and everything at the same time. Everything is one and all. I am this Love, and I love all. I am this deep Bliss. I am this immense Intelligence, and know everything without explanation or any need of explanation. Everything is perfect as they are. 

Note that all these happen at the same time, or that time is not an element here. At some point, I am back in my bed. I can still feel the intense bliss and love, and carry with me the knowledge without words that I have touched. I beam and beam in bed for a while and then let myself fall asleep. Although I feel very much awake from my awakening, it is not the regular kind of awake that prevents me from falling asleep. It is more like an intensified awareness. And so I have no problem falling asleep afterward. 

That awakening enlightenment experience was very much a life-changing experience for me. My depression was gone in a flash. The effect was lasting. I also found myself having talents gradually emerged that I previously did not have, such as arts and music, healing and spirit travel, etc. I think this is all due to my change in awareness and perception after my enlightenment experience. For instance, after the experience, I can see natural landscapes as beautiful dancing specks of light which are alive and communicating with each other. And so I put this on canvas. And in music too. Looking at some of Monet's paintings having little specks of paint covering the whole canvas makes me think that maybe he saw some of what I see too, that everything is made of light.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No      

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     the intensity and quality of the Light and Love experienced have no parallel in normal life experience, i.e., no words I can use can relate the experience to somebody who has no similar experience

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          No      

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           extremely awake, as if for the first time in my life, I was woken from a deep sleep

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   no, more awake then 'normal' experience

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes     I had no body; it was as if I was just consciousness, but UNLIMITED consciousness; I was also the Light

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            EXTREME Bliss and Love and Freedom and Clarity

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           yes, very loud buzzing sound initially; but I don't recall hearing such sound when I was with the Light

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    No           

Did you see a light?           Yes     EXTREMELY bright Light, which is not glaring as normal light; the Light is also EXTREMELY intelligent, unlimited, full of indescribable Love and Joy.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     The being is more a presence than one with form.  I seem to know the presence, but I have no earthly context to put the being in.  I know the being is not my relative or any human I know.  I don't think the being is so-called God.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? Yes    

I have numerous out of body experiences after my initial 'enlightenment' experience while I was 16.  And I have visited family members, etc, during some of those out of body experiences.  However, I did not visit any family member or friend during my initial 'enlightenment' experience.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?          Yes     I perceived and communicated without any of the 5 senses.  I could also go anywhere in an instant, or actually I was everywhere, since I was Light itself.  I had a tremendous sense of limitlessness in terms of space and time.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     I was unlimited by space and time.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes     All the questions I had in my mind before my experience had fallen away, since they are no longer important.  And yet all my questions have been answered, in a higher and clearer form, indescribable by words.  I was able to acquire knowledge without words.  Knowledge can be without words. 

I will attempt to put a little of that knowledge into words:  Everything is as they are, perfect as they are, one as they are.  I am One.  I am Light.  So are you, so is the cat, and the tree, and the stone, and the stars.  Past and future and all space-time is here.  Smile, and the universe will smile with you.  Why not?  As all universe is cumulating to this one smile from you :)

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?             No      

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes     I have realized that the future is not fixed.  My awareness of the future event is more accurate when my awareness of the event is closer to the time the event will happen.  And sometimes, I can see how myself and others have changed a possible event, by prayer, for instance.

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Yes     In all my out of body experiences subsequent to my 'enlightenment' experience, I return to my body on my command.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Yes     I can see the energy of people and things, as light.  I can also feel the energy of a place or nature, and use that, for instance, to energize myself when I get tired while hiking.  I found that I can heal others by patching some pieces of molten (mercury-like) light to their bodies, in places that need it.  I can sense people's feelings and intentions.  I can hear the music of things, and play that out impromptu.  There are also colors that come with that music.  And so I found that I could also paint.  I can go out of my body at will, and acquire knowledge, etc.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     What all the religions say are true, the esoteric or mystical side of the religions at least.  At the same time, all the religions are so misunderstood.  They are essentially saying the same thing, i.e., show you a path to get back to who you really are.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       I love everybody, from the least to the most worthy that society labels.  I give as much respect to a baby as the president of the United States.  I do not care about material things or the self-satisfaction that most people are slave to everyday.  I see beauty in everything, and find joy in living everyday.  I still share the human idiosyncrasies, of course, but I don't get affected by it, or take myself that seriously.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes     Total change.  Read answers above.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Just the closest of relatives, but not in detail as I have described here.  And a few months ago, I have written down my experience for the first time, and posted it on the spiritual-experiences website.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Love and Joy

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      All good.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        just read my entire experience

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes     I have minor enlightenment experiences, etc.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               No       Experience indescribable.