A few days following my release from hospital from a partial hysterectomy I woke up to major blood loss. I went straight to Emergency where I was admitted. I was monitored then eventually catheterized and packed internally to try to stop the flow. Drugs had not been administered to this point.
I gradually became aware that my surroundings were becoming much brighter. Like a beautiful sunny day, but with much more intensity and brilliance. At the same time I felt an amazing sense of peace and love and acceptance. I felt euphoric! I also felt like I was not "alone". That there were beings in that brilliance.
The Hospital Nursing Supervisor came to see me. I understand, now, that there was great concern that they would lose me and they had called her in. My mother was a former ICU nurse who had transferred to Labour and Delivery. She just happened to be on duty so the Hospital Nursing Supervisor called her to come over and assigned her to sit with me for the remainder of her shift.
Because I was so euphoric I was happy and chatty with everyone. I was just so happy to be ALIVE and full of love! They administered meds. I believe it was Demerol. When this did nothing they told me to lie still and stop fighting the drugs as they needed me to conserve my energy.
About an hour or two following the meds I became despondent and very weary. It felt like my body was an anchor which was dragging me down. It felt like my head had no control over the body so I knew it was shutting down. The medical attention was non-stop as they monitored my vitals. I could tell by the graphs on my chart, which they were filling in, that things were not good, along with the increased concern the medical staff were showing.
Finally, I said to my Mum "I'm going now." Meaning, I'm leaving this life. It did not feel like "dying" as those of us who have lost loved ones know it. It just felt like leaving this life to move on to the next. It did not occur to me to think of what others felt about that. I just knew it was time to leave this body.
Mum got very animated and told me I couldn't leave. She said "Think of your children!" (I had two small children at that time.) At that point I realized I couldn't leave because they needed me. (Their father had already passed.)
The OB/GYN who had performed my hysterectomy was out of town so they had called in another. I believe she was trying to avoid another surgery in case it complicated things, hence the alternatives attempted and hours of delay.
Around midnight they told me they were taking me to surgery. They were just waiting for the on-call Operating Room nurse and anesthetist to arrive. In the meantime, the vein where I was receiving blood transfusions (I think I received 3 or more units) had collapsed and I was experiencing great pain. I was asking all and sundry to please please please remove it or relocate it because it hurt so much, but they kept ignoring me. The Head Nurse of the ward I was in was told to go home as her shift had ended. She refused. She said she would wait until I had cleared surgery and she knew I was safe. I am forever grateful for her concern and it still brings tears to my eyes.I was finally taken to OR and the repair performed. While in recovery I woke as if I had had the best sleep in my life. I was back to being euphoric and loved and with that brilliant bright light again! It was wonderful. Nothing mattered but love. I started chatting with the nurse and apologized for them having to call her in. She responded and told me that in all her years (I believe it was 20) as an OR/Recovery Room nurse she had never witnessed anything like this.... a patient coming out of the OR with such clarity and happiness and glowing. The intravenous tube was still in my same hand and was still very painful. I asked her to change it and.... miracle of miracles!.... she did! I was so very thankful that the pain was finally gone and I thanked her again and again. Eventually, she told me to rest now. When I woke the euphoria had lifted and I haven't felt it since.