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Gillian's Experience

Experience description:   

A few days following my release from hospital from a partial hysterectomy I woke up to major blood loss.  I went straight to Emergency where I was admitted.  I was monitored then eventually catheterized and packed internally to try to stop the flow.  Drugs had not been administered to this point.   

I gradually became aware that my surroundings were becoming much brighter.  Like a beautiful sunny day, but with much more intensity and brilliance.  At the same time I felt an amazing sense of peace and love and acceptance.  I felt euphoric!  I also felt like I was not "alone".  That there were beings in that brilliance. 

The Hospital Nursing Supervisor came to see me.  I understand, now, that there was great concern that they would lose me and they had called her in.  My mother was a former ICU nurse who had transferred to Labour and Delivery.  She just happened to be on duty so the Hospital Nursing Supervisor called her to come over and assigned her to sit with me for the remainder of her shift. 

Because I was so euphoric I was happy and chatty with everyone.  I was just so happy to be ALIVE and full of love!  They administered meds.  I believe it was Demerol.  When this did nothing they told me to lie still and stop fighting the drugs as they needed me to conserve my energy. 

About an hour or two following the meds I became despondent and very weary.  It felt like my body was an anchor which was dragging me down.  It felt like my head had no control over the body so I knew it was shutting down.  The medical attention was non-stop as they monitored my vitals.  I could tell by the graphs on my chart, which they were filling in, that things were not good, along with the increased concern the medical staff were showing. 

Finally, I said to my Mum "I'm going now."  Meaning, I'm leaving this life.  It did not feel like "dying" as those of us who have lost loved ones know it.  It just felt like leaving this life to move on to the next.  It did not occur to me to think of what others felt about that.  I just knew it was time to leave this body. 

Mum got very animated and told me I couldn't leave.  She said "Think of your children!"  (I had two small children at that time.)  At that point I realized I couldn't leave because they needed me.  (Their father had already passed.) 

The OB/GYN who had performed my hysterectomy was out of town so they had called in another.  I believe she was trying to avoid another surgery in case it complicated things, hence the alternatives attempted and hours of delay. 

Around midnight they told me they were taking me to surgery.  They were just waiting for the on-call Operating Room nurse and anesthetist to arrive.  In the meantime, the vein where I was receiving blood transfusions (I think I received 3 or more units) had collapsed and I was experiencing great pain.  I was asking all and sundry to please please please remove it or relocate it because it hurt so much, but they kept ignoring me.  The Head Nurse of the ward I was in was told to go home as her shift had ended.  She refused.  She said she would wait until I had cleared surgery and she knew I was safe.  I am forever grateful for her concern and it still brings tears to my eyes. 

I was finally taken to OR and the repair performed.  While in recovery I woke as if I had had the best sleep in my life.  I was back to being euphoric and loved and with that brilliant bright light again!  It was wonderful.  Nothing mattered but love.  I started chatting with the nurse and apologized for them having to call her in.  She responded and told me that in all her years (I believe it was 20) as an OR/Recovery Room nurse she had never witnessed anything like this.... a patient coming out of the OR with such clarity and happiness and glowing.  The intravenous tube was still in my same hand and was still very painful.  I asked her to change it and.... miracle of miracles!.... she did!  I was so very thankful that the pain was finally gone and I thanked her again and again.  Eventually, she told me to rest now.  When I woke the euphoria had lifted and I haven't felt it since.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     Was bleeding out from a severed artery.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    While in the Recovery Room immediately following the surgery.  It seemed that my spirit was completely separate from the body, which was sedated.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            While in the Recovery Room immediately following the surgery.  It seemed that my spirit was completely separate from the body, which was sedated.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     Everything was brighter and more beautiful and more defined.  It felt like there was substance beyond my surroundings.  Kind of like being in a 3-D movie with another dimension beyond.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            Yes    

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Love was everywhere.  Acceptance was everywhere.  I was euphoric.  I felt cocooned and safe and carefree.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           Yes     It wasn't a specific pinpoint of light.  I felt bathed in light.  Light was everywhere and light was love.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Uncertain      It felt like there were other joyful beings around but did not see anyone specifically.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     I felt like I was hovering between this world and the next and could go either way.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     I could see there was another dimension.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            Everything seemed perfect.  Love was everything.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     I felt I had a choice between leaving this world or staying.  I wanted to cross but chose not to.  If I did cross I would be with that euphoric love.  If I did not cross I return to my life.

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No      

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     This is the most I have shared.  I have only ever shared the feeling of love and euphoria which I felt with my current husband, and that was only a few months ago and because he is an ordained minister so I felt he might understand.  I feel like it is sacred and not something to be ridiculed or scoffed at.  I do not feel the need to share it or debate it because everyone will know in time anyway.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes    

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real