Experience description:

I had been in a state of deep depression for some time.  One day I decided that I wanted to go to the Other Side and not come back.  I laid down on my bed and left my body.  I found myself in my little car in a forest glade.  When I looked around me, I saw a path through this forest that wound upward and that at the end of the path was an opening.  And it opened into a really bright white light.  I started driving up the path.  I was absolutely determined to get there.  It was slow going and then it got slower because the path became muddy.  Finally, my car got stuck in the mud and I couldn't go any further.  Still, I decided to walk the rest of the way.  I was going to get into that light no matter what it took.

I got all the way to the top when the voice of my oldest daughter distracted me.  She was standing at the end of the path and she looked at me and said, "Not yet, Mom."  But I looked at her and said, "You can't fool me.  You're not my daughter.  My daughter is alive and well.  You're an angel pretending to be my daughter so I won't go into the Light."  And then I started to step into the Light and....there I was in my car again.  Only this time I was in the back seat and there were two light being fellows in the front and they were backing the car back down the path.  I started hollering that I wanted to go back up, but they totally ignored me.  Finally the car was back in the forest glade again, I was in the driver's seat once again, and the two beings had disappeared.  At that point, I conceded defeat.  I looked around and said to myself, "Well, maybe it's not so bad being here."  Then I was back in my body and I opened my eyes and cried for hours.  I couldn't believe that I had come that close and didn't make it.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      I wanted to leave this Earth.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    I felt totally alert during the whole experience.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            I don't know how to put it into words.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     My vision was much better than my normal vision.  The colors were beautiful and intense.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            No      

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            I felt determined.  I felt like nothing was going to stop me from getting where I wanted to go.  Then I felt angry and then disappointed and sad.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Yes     The path through the woods.

Did you see a light?           Yes     There was a very bright light at the end of the path.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     The looked like ordinary men except they were light and sparkly.  I didn't know them. They didn't communicate anything to me.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes     I think I experienced first hand what I had only believed before:  If God decides it's not your time, they're not going to let you in.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     The boundary was the end of that path.  I knew if I stepped across it, I would be in the Light.  I wasn't allowed to do so.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Only with my husband.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes            The source of my knowledge was from reading and from experiences in meditation.  I don't think it affected the experience.  But I don't think I would have attempted what I did if I didn't have the knowledge that it was possible in the first place.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    For weeks after I felt it was real.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            See that the Light was really there was significant to me.  Not being allowed to go into the Light was both meaningful and heartbreaking.  Realizing that it wasn't up to me when it was time to leave was a learning experience.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real   

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     I would say my relationship with myself and with God has changed.  I realized that what I tried to do was wrong.  I will never try it again.  Even though it broke my heart that I was kicked out, it made me realize that spiritual suicide is just as wrong as physical suicide and if it's not your time, you're not going to go.  I was ashamed that I had even attempted it.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   No           

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes