Gail K's Experience

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Experience description:   

I had had a fairly stressful life with having lived with years of domestic abuse, finally leaving with my still small children and then having him commit suicide 2 years later in 1992. By 1999 my children and I had gone a long way working through the guilt, anger etc. I worked very hard at this time of my life and driving 12 hours shifts as taxi driver. But of course having someone close pass on opens up all thoughts of death and the question of afterlife. 

My main concern was for my health as I knew something was very wrong with me.

Every night I would pray to the Lord and mainly to Jesus and on one particular night I was very down and praying very fervently, screaming in my mind and drowning in tears. (I am drowning in tears again now typing this) I was asking Jesus to help me. Alternately begging Him and daring Him that my heart and soul were open and to come  into my heart. Well he did. In a moment and I felt it physically!! happen - I felt Jesus in my chest, in my heart, I couldn't see Him and didn't need too. I felt his warmth radiate through me. I knew it was Him and He knew I knew it was Him. Can you understand how this sounds very demeaning but I cannot describe the pure ecstatic emotion.  What I felt was raw love and it was physically warm and since that moment I have felt unbelievably content with absolute ABSOLUTE faith. That is all that happened but to me I feel so privileged. He does answer your prayers. In His time.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Uncertain

      Explanation:  I initially ticked no but on after thought the illness itself may have contributed to this - though I have never heard of this experience as being described as a "symptom" of an illness.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  Very hard as when expressed, it demeans the whole experience - especially as a it was only meant for me anyway.

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I had had undiagnosed pernicious anemia for up to 3 years, as soon as I mentioned depression as one of my symptoms - was given anti-depressants (which I didn't take. As I knew combined with my migraines (I had never suffered these before and not since taking B12 shots) and other unusual problems there was something wrong. I had been to by this stage about 4 doctors and was awaiting to see a specialist.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  At the time I was suffering from periodic insomnia, this was one of the reasons for praying was to sleep. Very alert and definitely not asleep unless you can soak your pillow in your sleep with wide-awake tears.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  Not at all, I rarely remember my dreams and anyway I don't know about you but I have never had a dream about God or Jesus. (Either has anyone else I have asked) This was a physical feeling.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  Pure warmth of love which completely eased my mind, tired me and slept like baby

Did you meet or see any other beings?  Uncertain

      Describe:  He knew me and I knew it was Him. That was more than enough. Though I didn't see anything I didn't even question not seeing him - I was in awe.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  No response

      Describe:  The dimension was in my bedroom - my eyes were open and a darkened bedroom was all I could see.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Uncertain

      Describe:  Not really but it lasted what felt like a minute or so, cause I didn't want to lose what Jesus had given me so I really just tried to keep the contact.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Uncertain

      Describe:  Only the special knowledge of having my complete proof that Jesus REALLY does love us all (If he loves me he must love everyone)

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Uncertain

      Describe:  Kept looking at clocks and the time would be 11.11am or pm or 1.11am or pm but mainly 11.11. This would drive my crazy with the co incidence  of it all trying to work out what it meant (this would happen a few times a week over 2years - till Sept 11 at 10.49est (Aust) - Haven't seen it much since and don't want to.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  More concerned for fellow humans with no direction in life. (not that mine is that mapped out)

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  I do not choose to go to church and do not feel any guilt about this at all. I love God and Jesus and believe I don't need to show this in a particular building. He came to my place in this instance and from what I remember in the Book, He wasn't too keen on the old priests/temples back then either. But if people are comfortable at church each to their own.

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  Close family only. No they didn't take much notice - as I stated saying Jesus came into my heart last night doesn't sound that great (unless you live it)

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Content, happy, wanting to share

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  No worst part - I had almost 10 years with a man who literally hit me "hundreds" of times over the years and had many many times very depressed with this man and at that time prayed to God. He was listening then but I didn't know it till 1999. I was not ready then to accept Jesus (if that's the right way of putting it) It wasn't till 7 years after my ex-husbands death that I had searched my soul for answers that he came to confirm my belief.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  I didn't know it at the time but after finding out the diagnosis of my illness from 1999 to 2001 I also discovered I had cancer which I have now recovered fully from but I think perhaps He knew I would need more strength to cope with this also.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  No

      Describe:  Though soon after I was diagnosed with pernicious anemia and Charcots diseases - Within a couple of months of B12 injections I was at the top again and feeling completely great. (Until the cancer diag in 2001)

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

      Describe:  Unfortunately Not - I have tried but not very hard as I know I don't need him now as much as others.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  No

      Explain:  I have tried but very hard as was all complete emotion/feeling.