Gabrielle M's Experience
I was 19 at the time (1979), and my boyfriend and I had lived together a few months. I had just graduated from high school that summer and he was studying law at the city university. We had been experiencing some serious problems in our relationship for quite a while. I felt he was abusing me emotionally since he would never let me forget his super high IQ and the fact that he was a university student while I was just a stupid little high school student.
My feelings of inferiority made me extremely envious of him, so that evening we decided to go our separate ways.
We decided to go to the bar downstairs and drink a few "break up beers".
I think I had had quite a bit, when my ex-boyfriend suddenly met an old friend. He pointed at me and said, “Let me present a friend of mine!"
It’s difficult to explain how this made me feel, but it was as though our time together meant NOTHING to him.
I became very unhappy and completely enraged – a kind of uncontrollable drunken rage, so I took the beer I was holding and poured it over his head….and ran out of the bar, in through our main door and up the stairs to the 4th floor where we lived. I threw myself down and cried, and waited for him to come up and say he was sorry.
But he never came! So he just stayed down there enjoying himself. I remember thinking, “I’ll get him back!”. I went to the bathroom and took the jar with the strong epilepsy medication and started swallowing them. I swallowed one handful after the other. Before my suicide attempt the pills were just laying loosely in the jaw, so it was easy to just swallow all of them. I don’t remember how many there were, but somehow I have the number 246 in my head.
My brother is a doctor and he told me many years later that I was the only person in the world who could have survived such a poisoning. Who knows, maybe I still am.
I went to bed and waited for my boyfriend to come home and find me. He came home a while later. Maybe 15 minutes, maybe later.
I told him what I’d done and he just said “I don’t care”.
THAT’s when I panicked! I didn’t want to die. It was just a revengeful act by a drunken teenager who didn’t know what she was doing. I got up and phoned for an ambulance. My speech was slurred and I was feeling terrible.
The ambulance arrived quickly and they insisted on carrying me down the stairs. They carried me on a kind of throne and started to take me down the stairs. After that I don’t remember a thing.
What happened next is very difficult to explain, because it takes place in two different tempos.
Up until three days ago I recalled this feeling of complete happiness and love. I was able to follow everything that happened in my room. I saw my family, the doctors, and nurses and heard everything being said.
At the same time I was feeling SO amazing. I loved everyone and everyone loved me. I could see their grief and desperation, but there were no negative feelings. Everything was good.
It sounds strange, but I felt I was speaking with people. Especially my mother and a nurse I’d known from before. She was my brother’s ex-wife’s friend. We “talked” about all kinds of things, and I loved her very much.
I should mention that at the time I was in a deep coma and in a respirator.
My parents were told after a while that they should not pray that I’d wake up, but that I wouldn’t wake up. I would be a vegetable, they said. My mother, who was very interested in parapsychology had asked a spiritualist church of some type if they could hold an extra “worship service” where they would pray for me.
But I was lying there in 1979, communicating with Nurse X (I don’t remember her name now) and at the same time I was enjoying my feelings of happiness and love.
At some point the doctors decided to take away the respirator and see if I could breathe on my own. I remember “thinking”, No, I don’t want to go back – I don’t want to leave this place! I remember they tried and I remember feeling suffocated. The room became very busy and they knew beyond a doubt that it was too early, so they put me on the respirator again and I slipped back into my feelings of joy.
The next thing I remember was starting to wake up. I saw my parents’ joy growing as I was waking up, but inside I was fighting to stay. The more I awoke, the more divided I became. But my love for my parents took priority and I awoke.
The first few days were very strange. I couldn’t speak properly because of the respirator and I had trouble moving my arms and legs.
I was confused and not completely happy to be back. I couldn’t understand how so many days could have passed (I don’t know how many, since we don’t talk about it). In my awakened state it felt as though I’d slept for a night or taken a nap. When I tried to recall my coma state (it faded more and more), I wasn’t able to get hold of it.
When I was able to speak again, I told them all that I’d heard. At that time everything felt shameful and I felt very weak. They didn’t take it seriously. Sometimes in intensive care people in coma experience things, and in 1979 they thought they were just hallucinations.
One day I told them I’d had such an enjoyable time with Nurse X and it had been so wonderful to talk with her about everything under the sun. THEN it got very quiet and people turned a little pale. Things got hectic. It turned out that Nurse X had been on night duty a few days but that she’d gone on vacation while I was still in a deep coma. In other words I had NO possibility of knowing that she’d been sitting there on a chair beside me during that time and they started asking each other if anyone had told me she’d been there. And no one had.
How did people react to that kind of thing in 1979? Guess there are things we’ll just never understand. And that was that. But not for me. Because I knew I had spoken WITH her!
She came and visited me when she got home from vacation and told me that apart from keeping an eye on me and my things, she’d mostly just been sitting and reading a book or a magazine and rarely spoke to me.
After that most of my time at the hospital was spent trying to get better. Physical therapists and psychologists and the word “suicide” popped up again and again, and with it the growing feelings of shame and guilt over what I’d done to my family. The more shame and guilt, the more my experience disappeared.
The whole experience became a kind of taboo in my family and inside me, because it hurt to know how much pain I had caused my family and my family would rather forget everything because they couldn’t stand the thought of how close they came to losing me.
I have forgotten the city of Århus where I lived with my boyfriend and worked for several months. I simply can’t remember the city – it’s gone! And I don’t “remember” any of my feelings from the coma.
BUT!!! Four days ago I bought Anita Moorijani's book, "Dying to be me", and then it all started coming back to me.
It was so overwhelming that I nearly cried all through the book and many times it felt like she was telling my story. All the pieces fell into place or rather “almost” fell into place. Suddenly I know WHY I’d lived the way I’d done the last 32 years.
I know why I’m different from most of the people I know and I know why I have the values that I have. But most of all, I know what happened to me when I was in a coma and I will try to explain it as well as I can.
First, it’s important to emphasize that it is IMPOSSIBLE to explain how I “feel”, and even if it becomes irritating I would like to put those words that are FAR FROM being completely correct in quotation marks.
When I read the book I suddenly realized for the first time that I’d had an NDE and that all the time I was in a coma, I SAW things that happened in the hospital room from the outside, at the same time that I heard things from the outside and felt things from the inside. So yes, I was in a deep coma at the time, but I HAD been “outside” my body! I SAW my mother and father and I SAW the nurses AND heard what they said. When they tried to take my respirator away the first time I BOTH saw it from the outside and felt it from the inside, but didn’t care at all if my body died. I didn’t want to leave that “place” where I was AND it felt physically horrible, as though I was suffocating. At that time I was closer to waking up, since I felt it all physically. That’s probably why they wanted to take away my respirator. While I was in the deepest coma I was being operated on, and I felt nothing at that time – at least nothing physical.
My condition in the deep coma? The first thing I remember was the feeling of coming “home”. There was so much love and peace that it’s impossible to describe in words, but there was a feeling of a warm current throughout my body – as though when you see your child that you love so much, or when you see a puppy or a sunset and feel love and warmth in all cells of your body. Except it didn’t fade away – it stayed.
You feel you belong together with “everything” and that “everything” is perfect!
You don’t exactly feel good – you just “are”.
This feeling of just “being” is almost impossible to describe. Time and space don’t exist – they just don’t factor in “there”.
You don’t think, you don’t notice, you don’t make any decisions – you just ARE.
"Being is love, "being" is happiness and "being" is peace.
In being you are part of this “everything”, which I can’t quite describe, but I’ll try.
"Everything" is divine and is all connected. In everything our souls are linked by love.
When I "communicated" with Nurse X, it took place through "SPIRIT" – our souls communicated, even though she was sitting and reading a book "in mind".
I KNOW that there was a two-way communication and I can FEEL that love which connected us while we were communicating. I also know that know in the 32 years that followed still sometimes communicate in "SPIRIT" and "in MIND". For instance, when I was sleeping I was with my father who died a few months earlier. I looked at him and asked "Father, how are you doing?" and he smiled at me and said "I’m not doing – I just am!”
Since my NDE, the idea of the soul has been very important for me. I didn’t know before I felt my father’s warmth and love that of course he couldn’t “do” – because he had no body! With no body, you can’t “do” – ONLY “be”, and I found that very natural. The fact that his soul lived on seemed very natural to me and now I suddenly know why.
I should tell you that in my state of "being" I loved the hospital staff that I "saw" just as much as I loved my mother and father – there was no different. Because "in being" all is love.
I have been very lucky to have felt that sense of "being" one more time.
One day, after my father’s death, I was driving the car. I hadn’t really grieved properly while taking care of my mother during his illness, so my own grief had been pushed aside. The car radio was on and it started playing a song (I don’t remember the title) but the lyrics were something like "wait for me........ I'll be home soon." When I heard the word "HOME" that feeling of "being" suddenly emerged and tears rolled down my cheeks. I had that feeling the soul has – of happiness, peace and love which is part of "being". This is the soul’s HOME! I cried because I knew we had this HOME and I knew I would someday be returning.
I cried because I knew my father was feeling fantastic and I cried because I missed my father, selfishly – I missed him here on earth.
In the years that have passed I have been very different from my friends and family. Sometimes I get the sense that I can do something, and then I can do it. Charge batteries with my hands, open bank boxes, contact people in comas or with the dead – “speak” with spirit guides.
The strange thing is that even though I’ve got my memory back about the "everything" I still believe in spirit guides and guardian angels, but I believe that when our bodies are "truly" "dead" we travel MUCH further in to the "everything" and in the "being", and even though we’re all connected, our souls retain their individuality. I believe we “think and feel” with our individual souls at the same time we’re a part of everyone and all souls – the "everything".
I believe that individual souls have different levels of development and that we sometimes need help and guidance when we’re here. I also believe in God, but not as a being that is outside us, but more of a kind of overarching source of love and light. I believe that we all come from this and are made of this but some souls are more vulnerable than others and some lives are harder than others, and we may need to "call out” for some of the love that lies in the “home” of our souls.
This undoubtedly a lot of gibberish, but I can’t explain it any better.
My view of the meaning of life hasn’t changed. Unconditional love and forgiveness!! It sounds simple, but it sure isn’t easy to practice this as a human being.
My message about how we should live our lives is this: if we listen to our inner voices, our souls will guide us through life.
We should try to feel, give and receive as much love as possible.
First to ourselves and then to others.
We must try to see the love in nature, in animals, in people we don’t know and in events that play out in front of us.
And then we should try to give love – it is SO wonderful because you can feel some of that connection when you smile to a complete stranger and they smile back.
Finally, I must tell you that we CAN communicate in “SPIRIT” also when we’re here on earth.
We CAN transgress time and space also while we’re here on earth, but we overestimate our brains and underestimate our souls.
Our brain, which some call our EGO, is a crafty thing. It tries to get us to deny our soul and what it can do.
I think we’re becoming smarter and smarter – we can heal more and more, but
we’ve probably been able to do that all along!
At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes I was living with my boyfriend in Århus. That evening we agreed to break up and went down to a bar under the apartment to drink a few beers. We had been drinking a bit when my ex-boyfriend suddenly met an old friend. He pointed at me and said, “Let me present a friend of mine!"
It’s difficult to explain how this made me feel, but it was as though our time together meant nothing to him.
I became very unhappy and completely enraged – a kind of uncontrollable drunken rage, so I took the beer I was holding and poured it over his head….and ran out of the bar, in through our main door and up the stairs to the 4th floor where we lived. I threw myself down and cried, and waited for him to come up and say he was sorry.
But he never came! So he just stayed down there enjoying himself. I remember thinking, “I’ll get him back!”. I went to the bathroom and took the jar with the strong epilepsy medication and started swallowing them. I swallowed one handful after the other. Before my suicide attempt the pills were just laying loosely in the jaw, so it was easy to just swallow all of them. I don’t remember how many there were, but somehow I have the number 246 in my head. My brother is a doctor and he told me many years later that I was the only person in the world who could have survived such a poisoning. Who knows, maybe I still am
I went to bed and waited for my boyfriend to come home and find me. I told him about the pills but he said he didn’t care and I panicked. I didn’t want to die. It was just a revengeful act by a drunken teenager who didn’t know what she was doing. I got up and phoned for an ambulance. We lived on the 4th floor and medics insisted on carrying me down the stairs. They carried me on a kind of throne and started to take me down the stairs. After that I don’t remember a thing.
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There is no doubt that we are extremely limited by our bodies, language and earthly senses.
The feeling of being "whole", being "home", being "perfect" and being "a part" of everything DOESN’T describe it completely. In reality, you feel as though you "ARE EVERYTHING" and "ARE ETERNAL"!
I don’t think our brains can comprehend the words "EVERYTHING" and "ETERNAL".
Another thing that’s hard to explain is that it’s not unusual – but rather "NATURAL". This is something we already know and that our souls have longed for. THERE were everything is perfect.
It’s very difficult to explain in words what happens with our spirits!
For instance, the question below: "did your thoughts move faster?" Thoughts belong in the mind and "exist" in the brain. In spirit one cannot call them thoughts and time does not exist! So I’ll have to say no to that one!
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I can only explain by thinking backwards. When they tried to take my respirator away for the first time I "saw" it both from the "outside", but felt the discomfort as though I was being suffocated from "within" my body, but while in a deep coma I was operated without anesthesia and still noticed nothing, so I must have been close to being in my body when they took the respirator away the first time.
Along with the feeling that I belong to my family and not to "everything", when I got closer to my body, I would have to conclude that the deeper the coma, the higher the consciousness.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I have always been very close to my family, but during my NDE they were not as important to me as they were before. I was suddenly part of everything and everything was connected. I was especially close to doctors and nurses – as if they were my family. When I got closer to my body (waking up) my family became especially emotionally important to me again.
I feel that I comprehended things simultaneously and that I communicated with at least one of my nurses in SPIRIT. I also communicate with a few others through spirit, but I’m not sure who it was.
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Instead of vision it should probably be feeling – because that word covers more – but I’ll try to answer with the word «see».
I "saw" all the doctors, my family and the hospital staff. I don’t know if I saw them from a particular place, because during my experience there was nothing unnatural about it.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don’t remember hearing anything in particular.
Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body? Yes I saw and heard everything going on in the room, at the same time that I enjoyed my feelings of "happiness, peace and being."
One of the first things I said (a couple of days passed before I could speak because of the respirator) was that it was so nice with all the evenings I spent talking with X (the nurse who was a friend of my brother’s ex-wife).Everyone went pale, because X had spent several evenings in my room, but had left on vacation while I was still in a deep coma, so I had no possibility of knowing she’d been there. Everyone was very surprised, but they had all heard that people in intensive care sometimes hear what people are saying even though they’re “unconscious”, so no one talked about it after that. But I KNOW that it was not one-way communication, so I’m SURE that I had communicated "IN SPIRIT”. X came and visited me after her vacation and I felt that I loved her very much. I hadn’t felt that way before. I could also repeat some of the things my mother said and did while in my room, which she later confirmed.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? The word that describes this best is "HAPPINESS" – the feeling you get when you see a beautiful sunset or give you child a hug and feel the warmth in your whole body. Here the feeling was constant.
I also felt that I’d come "home", that I was a part of "everything" and that
"everything" was "perfect". I didn’t feel this was something new or exciting –
just natural. It was something familiar that I had "always" known and would
"always" know. I don’t think time and space were a part of it – just "BEING".
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain My brain has obviously repressed this experience because it was a suicide attempt (which it really wasn’t). Anta Moorjani's book, "Dying to be me", helped to bring my memory back. I have always been able to remember what I saw during my coma, but the awareness of what I DID NOT see with my earthly senses (while I was in a deep coma), only returned to me now. I cried a lot when I read her book because so many things she described were like my own experience, and it all started coming back to me. Things return in glimpses every day and one of the things that have returned is the image of a kind of glowing tunnel or tube which rotates, like one of those oblong kites or wind socks twirling in the wind. I had no opportunity to enter the tunnel, but I remember it now and then and "think" "wow!"
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain. I’ve only just started to remember details, but so far no light.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm.
It was clearly unearthly, but NOT mystical. On the contrary – it felt safe, home-like and familiar – feeling of "being happy" filled with a familiar "love" and "warmth".
Our souls recognize that "place" and it feels as though the soul has "always" been there, so maybe it all happened simultaneously.
I have been there once at night and met my father after his "death", and another time while I was awake, where I got a glimpse or "was allowed" to have that feeling. I was driving a car and cried like a small child, since for me this is "home" and my soul gets homesick now and then.
It’s strange because it doesn’t mean that I want to "die" to get there – it’s just I know we belong there.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time is not a factor!
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe.
This question isn’t applicable. One cannot be separated from the universe. We are all part of the universe and there is nothing to understand. Now I’m lacking words again! I want to write that all is perfect, but that’s not enough either. One might say that we are a part of "EVERYTHING" and that "EVERYTHING IS". I think that all the time I was in a coma I communicated in spirit and possibly still do – that’s why it is difficult to describe this "being" in mind, but it feels as though it is a sense of an "all-encompassing and happy being". That’s all I can manage to say.
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was "sent back" against my will.
I don’t know if the tunnel or tube was a boundary but it wasn’t relevant in my case.
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)? Yes. Since my body in that state no longer felt important and I felt as though I’d come home, the conclusion must be "there is no death".
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist? Uncertain. I felt a clear awareness of "the divine", but it is NOT a being outside ourselves – we are all a part of it. We are composed of it!
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime? Uncertain. Again I have to say that in this "condition" time is not a factor. Before, after and during did not exist. Otherwise it felt as though “I” was an important factor. Or just the state of "being".
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist? Yes. It felt as though we are all part of "everything". "Everything" is important and "nothing" important. "Everything" is "happy" and "natural". I loved the nurses and doctors so much. Just as much as my family and felt that all of them were a part of me.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose? Uncertain
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships? No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love? Yes "Everything" is composed of love, which means that love is the sole and all-encompassing factor.
During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives? Uncertain. I think that I was aware of communicating with a "CONSCIOUS" person (Nurse X) in spirit, meaning we can ALL communicate both in "mind"/with our brains and in "SPIRIT"/with our souls.
I also believe that if we all could reach this state of consciousness we would all feel this same sense of belongingness and love and solve all the world’s problems.
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose? Uncertain. In this "condition" it did not feel "special" – just natural!
What occurred during your experience included: Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience.
When I was very small (about 3 or 4 years old) I asked min mother, "who will take care of me when I’m dead?", so I’ve always known deep inside that I couldn’t die. Later during my childhood, since Christianity is the religion in Denmark, I just figured it was God. I prayed to God in the evening before bedtime even though no one else in my family were religious. But when I was tired I just said "Dear Lord, the same as yesterday!" My family thought that was pretty funny, but for me, God was "EVERYTHING" and knew "everything".
Ever since childhood I have had several paranormal experiences, but I’ve just accepted them – that it was the way I was. After my NDE I have NOT been part of any religion, but have always been a strong believer. It has been very important for me not to judge others, and I have always listened to my inner voice, being aware of any dangers. After my children moved away from home, things are quiet here, so I’ve begun to communicate more through spirit. I still pray to "God", but not as a being outside us, but as a kind of "power" or "source of love", I can call when I need it to make me feel safe. I can see, while writing this, that there is no logic in it, because I believe in angels and guides, but I believe that while we’re on earth, there is a way we can summon more of "the good", while at the same time I know we are composed of good. It sounds like gibberish, but it’s because my brain limits my thoughts. But I know that "everything" also exists within me, though I’m in a different condition now.
I am also sure that the less brain function we have, the more we’re in contact with our souls. It’s common for children with Downs Syndrome to be loving and good through and through. I know many people with intellectual disabilities and all of them are kind, loving and in greater harmony with animals and nature.
Animals and nature are both important factors in my life today and I believe we
can "visit" our true "being" in nature (especially by the sea or in the
mountains), and we can be reminded of "the important things", when we’re with
animals. Especially dogs give us more than we can give them!
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events at time. I remember other events in my life with my brain, and even though I’m in a "conscious" state I "must" remember things I experienced in "spirit" with my brain, so it’s impossible to compare the two.
Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience: I believe that I communicated through through "spirit" and not in "mind" for several days during my coma. This has made it easier and harder to be me.
I have thought that everyone knew all the things I knew, but experienced that
most people are not able to abstract from their brain. Therefore I have often
felt a little lost. I believe I have continued to communicate through "spirit",
and often feel I can’t express myself properly with words that I have at my
disposal. I was so happy when I read Anita Moorjani's book, "dying to be me.",
because she was able to describe many of the experiences I also had, and until I
read it, I had only been able to experience in "spirit", but now it was also in
"mind", so I can start to process those experiences.
My experience directly resulted in: Large changes in my life
Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience? Yes I have always (in my adult life and after my NDE) been very focused on true values – enjoying life and doing things that are TRULY important, so I have always had different priorities than my friends.
Things and money have never been important for me. When my children were small I spent all my time with them, and when they slept I did other things. If I wanted to sleep or needed to rest, I did. Which meant that our home was not always as perfect as their friends’ homes. I also let the children come along everywhere, and if I was invited to play with them, I did. I did not work when they were small, so we had little money - but it wasn’t important for me.
I believe love and togetherness are the greatest values we have. Not just love that we feel for a partner, children or family, but also love of nature, animals, art and also for the people we don’t know. I has been important for me to let the children know this love – to feel it inside, when out in nature, or being with animals and people. It was also important to let me learn about the "values" and to know why money, for example could be a means, but never the goal.
The most important thing is to listen to your inner voice. If you do that, you will know what it’s all about.
It’s not really that complicated – it’s all inside us!
Our souls can guide us throughout life if we listen to them and don’t allow our brains (some call it ego) to instill doubt as to what our inner voices are telling us. If we do that, life can be fantastic and very simple.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes . Absolutely, where should I start.
When I am VERY angry or VERY sad, electrical items seem to break or turn on. This could be called an ability, but it’s more of a symptom.
Many times in my life I have had the feeling, "I can do that!" and I could. Once at an expensive hotel I had the feeling I could open the hotel safe in the room, no matter what code they put in. They said it wasn’t possible, because they were very secure safes, but each time they changed the code I was able to pull the handle and open it as though there was no code. These were electric safes, I should add.
Another time when my car wouldn’t start and I’d tried everything, I got this feeling that I could just put my hand on top of the hood, which I did, and it started perfectly.
I have been in contact with a person in a coma – in spirit. We were about 100 kilometers apart and my friend’s boyfriend was in a coma after an accident. She asked me to find out why he wouldn’t wake up because the doctors couldn’t see any physiological reason for it. I was in contact with him and he said that he didn’t want to return, and that everyone should just leave him alone. The next morning I told my friend that it didn’t work because I felt sorry for her – since he didn’t want to return to her. He died sometime during the morning. He had been a drug addict during his last year.
Once when my father was very sick, I was in Portugal. I spoke with my mother who told me she was very afraid he would die because he wouldn’t eat or didn’t want to eat. This had gone on for several days and the doctors believed it was important that he started eating and got the proper nutrition.
I lay on the beach, closed my eyes and concentrated on my father who was in a bed in the hospital. Suddenly it was silent and I felt a kind of "umbilical cord" or a tunnel that connected me with my father. I lay and said (in spirit) things like , "you are hungry", "you would like an omelet." etc. I sent him feelings of hunger and the smell and the taste of an omelet. I lay like this for about 20 minutes and then went down to a beach restaurant and ate an omelet. A couple of hours later my mother called and was so happy. My father had woken up after a nap and talked of nothing else but how hungry he was and how he wanted an omelet. I wasn’t surprised because when I feel I can do something, I can. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone about this.
I could give tons of examples like these, but it would fill a whole book.
Once I spend an evening where these two psychics performed – just for fun. My friend had talked me into going and I was very skeptical about these so-called psychics. I just sat in the back of the room and listened. People could ask about anything they wanted within certain categories and every time they asked about something, I had the answer in my head before either of the psychics answered. During the break one of them came over to me. She looked at me and said “I’ve been told that you shouldn’t be challenged in mind but in spirit!” I smiled and went inside, but when they started, the other one came over to me and said "You should use what you have to help other people!”
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Of course it’s fantastic to be a part of "everything" filled with love and happiness. This fantastic feeling of peace and joy. The feeling of belonging and the love is extraordinary.
My "conversations" with Nurse X and our mutual love "in spirit" was one of the
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Uncertain. Because of what I said about Nurse X and my memories of when they tried to remove my respirator, people know that I’ve experienced more than they thought.
My feelings of being out of my body and "being" – I have never really told anyone about this. I have always felt shame since it was a suicide attempt.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was definitely real. My experience of this shortly after was characterized by shame and a large part of the experience was therefore suppressed by my brain. It was suppressed since I caused my family a lot of grief.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time: Experience was definitely real. When I read that book "Dying to be me", my feelings and the experience itself (which was suppressed) came back to me very clearly. I know now that it was an NDE and I also know why I am so different than most people. I have never doubted this experience. I believed it, but now I know why. Many of the things that only could have happened "in spirit", I knew, because during my NDE I experienced what we are and what we can do. Time and space don’t exist "in spirit", and I learned this during my NDE.
I also know that I don’t need to feel shame any longer, since everything that
happens has to happen. Otherwise I wouldn’t be who I am today.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain. It’s hard to say, since this was so many years ago. I have always preferred just a few very good friends. In my line of work, I am always around a lot of people, so when I am off, I prefer quiet and relaxation.
Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain. I believe actually that I have believed in the indestructibility of the soul since I was very small. We have only a few years as children, where we are influenced by school and a few years as a teenager where we don’t care about much. One could say that while before I "believed", today I "know"!
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes. My father died 8 or 9 years ago after a long illness in hospital. I was with my mother the whole time and my mission was undoubtedly to protect her. I didn’t allow myself to grieve when he died and the grief came later.
One morning I was driving my car with the car radio on. They played an English song. I can’t remember the title right now, but the lyrics went something like "wait for me . . . . I'll be home soon!» Tears rolled down my cheeks and I got that feeling again. "HOME" and I knew exactly how it felt. I also knew that "soon" didn’t exist there. I cried with grief that my father was not here, but also with joy because I knew how he was "now". I also cried with joy because I knew I would go "home" one day. That sense of joy you have in your "being" cannot be described in words but I was allowed to feel it again for a moment.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I would like to add that number 2 was written last.
I would also like to add that I didn’t write this alone, because I feel I was "in spirit" during some of this. I believe there were some guides with me. Depending on how much activity there was in the room when I wrote it, it is more or less "deep". This was written over a period of 3 days.
Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and
comprehensively describe your experience?
Uncertain. I don’t feel I could express any more in words.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I think the question about how it felt to come home is lacking.
I also think there should be more detail about how we interpret the word God.