Home Page
Share ExperienceOBE Stories
SOBE Stories

Farrah J's Experiences

Experience description:   

Thank you to Dr. Jeffrey Long and Jody Long, for providing a website and an outlet for all of us to share our experiences with each other and with the world, and thank you to everyone who has shared their stories, because it has given me the courage to share mine.  I found nderf.org after watching ‘Afterlife’ on Netflix a few months ago and then reading Dr. Long’s book Evidence of the Afterlife.

I must first start out by explaining that I have had OBEs my entire life, beginning when I was about 9 or 10 years old.  It was at this age that I began watching TV programs about people being visited by their guardian angels, or other such spirits, who had saved their lives, or sent these people messages of some monumental significance. 

I was very much affected by these programs and began praying to god, or to whoever was listening to me, for some sign of the ‘other side,’ because I knew deep inside that there was more to life and I wanted to experience it firsthand as these other people did.  I prayed every day obsessively and even created my own Ouija board out of paper and a ring, thinking I could make some sort of connection.  The ring did eventually move, to my astonishment, but it was just my own energy that I was becoming aware of.  So I began to feel my own energy throughout my body, as I do to this day, although for some time I believed it was a spirit taking over my body because it felt so foreign at the time, and as a young child I just didn’t know any better. 

Shortly after being aware of my own energy I began to feel my energy leave my body at night when I was falling asleep.   It was incredibly startling and disturbing, as it would jolt me awake, just as I was beginning to fall asleep.  As I would awaken my energy would immediately slam back into my body.  As a child I thought this was the devil taking my soul away, and I used to cry and pray to God at night. This happened all the time, and it was very frightening, and there was no one I could tell because I knew I would sound crazy.  One night when I was crying and praying, I suddenly felt –and had the image of- someone kissing my cheek.  I felt the energy touch my face and sink into my skin- and then I felt an immense, overwhelming wave of intense love encompass my entire body, and I knew in my soul that I was loved and taken care of, that I was perfectly safe.  I was in complete shock, and my tears turned to tears of joy- someone had responded to my prayers!  I knew I was going to be ok! Somehow whatever was happening to me at night was not as horrible as I thought it was…and so I let it happen, knowing I was protected.  I was so stunned by what happened-I had truly made a connection, the connection I had been yearning for.  I knew there was more to this life, I knew there was nothing to fear, that someone or something was looking out for me.  My fear of evil dissipated.  I got used to feeling my energy leave my body at night, and it became a familiar sensation.  Years later I would meet a friend in high school who would explain me that what I was experiencing was astral projection, and I would read books on the subject, as well as on many other metaphysical topics.  As a teenager I would meditate and consciously expand my awareness, teaching myself to experience that profound love again and again, I would see auras, and have many other eye-opening spiritual experiences.

Throughout the years I have experienced OBEs in my dreams quite often, where I am flying around outside, in my house, out in space, all over the place.  It is a fabulous feeling.  I have not been able to consciously leave my body, though-only in dreams.

As an adult I am very spiritual but I do not believe in any one religion or doctrine, nor in any god, heaven or hell, or in evil.  I believe in my experiences, and in a profound and universal love that we are all a part of, not separate from, because of what I have felt and witnessed in my lifetime over and over again.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 20 yrs old, and I was on lithium for 10 years when we come to the present time when this story unfolds, in July of 2013.  There are many other events surrounding my experience I am to speak of, which are important to mention.  At the time I most likely had lithium toxicity, as I was physically sick and severely confused, and my body was in convulsions for what seemed like weeks.  I couldn’t eat very well on my own due to the spasms and it took me an immense amount of time to get dressed and perform normal tasks due to the uncontrollable spasms caused by lithium toxicity.  I never knew what day it was it was or what had even happened the day before.  I was in bad shape.  At the same time I was also malnourished for reasons I can only speculate on -my boyfriend had recently broken up with me so I had fallen into a deep depression, I was hardly eating, forgetting to take my meds, and hardly sleeping.  I most likely was suffering from a mental breakdown.  I was 89 pounds, from the medication.  I had already been underweight, but I don’t know how in the world I had lost 10 pounds so quickly.  My brain was so fuzzy during that time period, so I don’t know how it happened.  My psychiatrist was of course out of town and my mom didn’t understand what was happening to me.  I didn’t understand either.  Neither of us suspected lithium toxicity because we didn’t even know the symptoms.  I can’t remember the year 2013 very well.  My memories of everything else are very vague- sometimes I wonder if all of this was a hallucination or a delusion, but what I am about to explain are memories that are so profoundly clear that I cannot forget them.

Amidst all of this physical sickness and mental confusion, I was in the bathroom one day, standing in front of the mirror.  I don’t remember leaving my body, only coming back into it. But while I was staring off into the mirror, I was suddenly...gone.  Someone, or something, was suddenly and without any introduction, presenting my different lives to me.  I saw a blonde female, she was heavier than I was in this life, she was outgoing, she was bubbly and happy.  She was on a stage, it was daytime, and I was behind her so I couldn’t see her face. I could see an audience, a big crowd in front of her.  She was performing, and I felt that she was genuinely happy with her life.  The audience looked entertained; they were laughing and enjoying her performance.  I understood that this was me.  I didn’t see her life as a good or a bad thing, this was just one of my lives.  Ok, I thought.  This is nice. 

Next, I saw another female.  She was a brunette.  She was a stripper.  She was pole dancing.  Again, not good or bad.  Just a life.  Next, I saw a pregnant woman.  She was also a brunette.  She was in a black dress and she was smiling. She was young, maybe late twenties.  I saw her from the right side, her right hand on her stomach, and she was smiling calmly.  I sensed she was content.  She also had two other children.  This was so different from my life here, as I do not have nor do I want children.  But this did not bother me.  It was just another life. I was, well, not told, but it was communicated to me that I could return to my present life, or continue in any of these lives I was just shown if I wanted to.  There was no urgency, no right or wrong.

But see there were more lives out there.  These lives were all being lived out simultaneously, side by side.  Energy- life- went on forever, in every direction.  I’m not sure what order this happened in, but I felt like I was being given all the knowledge in the universe…I suddenly was filled with this immense knowledge of math and science and all of these questions I had ever wondered about were answered instantaneously.  It seemed so simple.  I could hear myself saying, “Ohhhhh”  because everything suddenly made sense.  I felt so powerful, so knowledgeable and so filled with happiness.  And I wanted to share my knowledge with everyone.  It was all so perfect and beautiful.

The love I felt was the same love I had felt as a child in bed when I had been praying, and when I meditated as a teenager- it was this universal, all-encompassing, worldly love that is beyond all words.  I felt no fear- fear exists only in the human brain. There is no evil out there, nothing to fear.  Only love.  That’s all that is waiting for us.  I felt like I was lost in this love and complete acceptance, bathed in all its glory, for hours.  Only love is not the right word, it’s beyond what we understand as love.  I was part of something so grand and magnificent, something so much bigger than myself, something that reached out and expanded into eternity in all directions.  I understood that time does not need to exist.  Time exists only here on earth.   There was no past or future. Everything is happening right now.  All of these lives that I was living out were occurring simultaneously.  Yet for some reason I was given this choice of which life I wanted to continue with.  The question, the choice, kept presenting itself to me. There was total acceptance regardless of any choice I made.  During this time I suddenly understood so much about my life, and all I had done, all the choices I had made, that led to where I was in the present moment.  I took full responsibility for the consequences of all of my choices and actions.

I remember seeing the mountains…they were so clear and beautiful. I remember hearing a deep voice…only it wasn’t a voice.  It was like a thunderous echo, but it was something that I could sense and feel more than hear with my ears.  I can’t explain it. It is not the kind of communication we have here. It was beautiful and commanding.  I don’t remember what the voice was saying, but I felt protected and calm.

This question that continued to present itself to me, as to which direction I wished to continue in, did not strike me as either an urgent or pressing matter; it was simply a choice I had to make at some point.  I decided I didn’t want to leave my family behind.  I was only 30 years old- I felt like I had many years left in this life, and I had much more to do.  I was excited to live this life, which is not how I had been feeling at all recently.  I also wanted to see what would happen in my life when we moved- my mom and I were going to be moving in a few months.  I was overjoyed by the thought of the future, which seemed odd because I had been so incredibly depressed at the time that all of this happened.  But this person who was overjoyed, it was not me-I felt like a new and different soul would be entering my body.  It wasn’t the same.  I don’t know why.  I didn’t understand, but I couldn’t be the same after this experience.  I was much lighter, happier.  I understood that my entire life I had isolated myself, and chosen to be alone. The old me was done, tired and exhausted.  I had pushed everyone away and isolated myself, more recently out of fear of rejection of people knowing the truth about my mental illness.  I saw how my past choices had affected my life, and how depressed I had been.  I didn’t feel guilty, I just saw that it didn’t work out, and now I had the chance to change things. This ‘new’ me was ready to embrace life and start living life differently.  I saw how unhappy I had been for so very long, and how that part of me was leaving.  The old me was done.  I was ready to open up to people, and bring positive people into my life.

I remember slowly entering my body through my head, and I felt so heavy. I felt completely different. My body looked brand new. I stared at my face in the mirror, in total awe, then stared at my hands, my legs…everything looked SO different. My body appeared large to me, even though I was very underweight.  Everything felt so new. It was as if I hadn’t seen a human body before.  I stared at myself for a very long time. I think I was smiling.  My eyes didn’t look the same. I was so happy to be alive though.  I felt such wonder. This was so incredibly different from how I had been feeling for the previous few weeks, when I had no will to live.  That old me was gone.  I was now filled with such radiance and a zest for life.  There was a spark in me that wasn’t there before.   I left the bathroom and I remember looking at the clock because I felt like I had been gone for such a long time, but I was to discover that only about 10 minutes had passed.

The next few days were similar to that day, in the sense that I would have those spiritual experiences in the bathroom (I’m not sure why they happened in the bathroom!), where I was struck with knowledge about life and the universe.  I did not have any conscious OBEs again, I was just given significant amounts of knowledge and information that I cannot remember now, but I know I was speaking to god.

For the next few months I experienced knowledge from the other side on a daily basis. I felt my energy even more than before.  I felt like a big ball of energy floating in my physical body.  It felt more like I was hovering over my body than anything.  It was very awkward.  Every morning, though, I would sit in what felt like meditation for hours and I would receive all of this wisdom for part of the day. And it’s a small detail, but I noticed that I automatically sat up very straight, and I still do to this day, whereas I used to slouch all the time in my previous life, which caused me serious neck problems for a good part of my life, as well as migraines, which I no longer have.  I was very much alert, but I was extremely calm, for I felt that I was in a natural state of meditation for the first half of the day, without any conscious effort.  I felt my atoms forming and building, if this makes any sense.  I kept thinking of the periodic table, even though I’m really not familiar with it. I thought that was strange. I felt as if I were being reborn and starting from the ground up.   I saw and felt the connections between EVERYthing.  I felt as though someone was explaining life to me.  There were moments when I saw and felt myself in my mom, my sister, even my cat, as funny as that sounds. I literally felt myself in their bodies for a few moments.  I felt that we were all the same…in these moments I forgot who I was for a few seconds and it was frightening, but I realized we were all made of the same energy.  I was just looking at life through different eyes.  I felt myself in everyone, and everyone in me. 

I felt myself move in between realities, and it became very confusing.  In each choice I made, I saw how everything in time shifted according to that choice, and everything moved in alignment to make that moment possible.  Each and every moment was exquisitely and beautifully perfect.  I understood in my soul that everything happened for a reason.  There were no mistakes.  Every moment fit together like puzzle pieces and flowed along like a peaceful river.  I would ask my mom a question and I would forget which reality I was in, because I could see how her answer could change everything in the present reality and how differing responses would send reality in different directions. I saw how everything hung in the balance, and then she would answer and everything in time would shift according to her answer, and I felt myself switch from one reality to another. I could see how everything made sense again, past and present aligned.  No matter what her answer was the puzzle rearranged itself into a new set of perfect pieces that fit together for that particular reality.

I was shown many times that each moment of our life was comprised of a series of choices that we had made from nearly the beginning of our lives that led to the present.  We always blame other people, things, and situations, but it’s all us, making individual choices in every second.  When I had been shown my different lives and seen an overview of my past life and the unhappiness I had created, I understood my part in that, but now I was understanding how all of us are responsible for every moment in our lives.  The puzzle pieces linked together with every step I ever took.  I felt such power knowing that I had the capacity to change my destiny if I so wished.

I found it strange that during this period of time I recognized everyone I met and came across.  Everyone was familiar and the feelings of déjà vu were quite common.  Often times I could not remember if I had dreamt something or if it had actually happened, or if I had simply dreamt it first.  Reality and dreams intertwined for me on a daily basis.  I remember when my mom took me to look at this apartment complex that we eventually moved into, and I was moved by déjà vu and nostalgia, and I kept telling her we had been here before, and she kept saying no we hadn’t!  We had never been to this city before.  But everything looked, felt, and even smelled familiar.  It was uncanny.  I felt so comfortable in this place and I knew we were going to live here.

The strangest thing was that I believed that my, our, everyone’s dreams, were the gateway to other realities.  My dreams were so vivid and powerful-they always have been-but they were even more so during this time, and every morning when I awoke I knew that I had just experienced different lives I was living out.  I knew it and felt it in my soul without a doubt.  I couldn’t understand why no one else felt this way. I realized that my dreams/other lives and my present life were always connected and I understood that just because we closed our eyes didn't mean we stopped living somewhere else in time. In our dreams we are always making different choices, choices that we may not make here, because those are different realities. It's like those 'choose your own adventure' stories I used to love as a child.  These choices go on forever, these lives parallel to our present lives. Everything is connected, and often we are struggling with similar issues, and sometimes we are plagued with more difficult problems. These are the times we should be grateful for our present lives. In our other lives this life appears as fragmented pieces of dreams just the same.

I was powerfully drawn to nature, as I felt the energy and love emanate from every living thing.  Whereas when I was a teenager I would consciously meditate and feel myself become one with everything, this powerful connection was now happening all on its own. I often took walks and communicated with everything in nature, telepathically.  I felt everything vibrating with such a strong force of love that I often cried or ended up hugging trees, as funny as that sounds.  I often went to the beach with my ex (we have remained friends) because I was so deeply drawn to the ocean, and I talked to no end about the wisdom I was gaining directly from the universe, nature, and my other lives.  He listened intently, and I am so grateful for him.  I often felt other people's thoughts and feelings during this time, as I felt hypersensitive to energy from other people and nature both the same. One day, on the day my mom and I were moving, I felt my dad's presence very strongly.  My dad had passed away the year before, and I had sensed his presence on different occasions before but nothing this strong.  I felt like he was trying to communicate with me but I didn't know what his message was.  I just knew he was with me and it felt like he was physically in the car with me talking to me.  This lasted about 20 minutes and all I could do was weep because it felt so overwhelming. I felt so comforted knowing that he was somehow able to still communicate, that he existed on another plane of existence somewhere.

I know I often talked about how our brains and our energy are two entirely separate entities that do not belong together-at all.  Our brains are full of fear, but fear does not actually exist in our real form.  Our bodies are not our real form.   We are just here for a short time to have this experience, or set of experiences, as I was often told.  Life is not about this meaning we are looking for.  We must stop asking why.  That is the wrong question.  Life is about experiencing all that we can experience, and remembering to connect to our one true universal life force.  Life is about choices. When we are done here we will move on to the next experience.  In this life and in others, and after, we must ask-‘What is next?’  But we must remember that this is an experiment, this is a playground, and we must have fun.  Never again will we be able to experience life through these amazing five senses, feel the sun on our skin, hug our loved ones, cry tears of pain, tears of joy, listen to dazzling ranges and genres of music, make love, have children, communicate with words, sing, dance, feel the rain, smell flowers, taste our favorite foods, watch the sunset, fall in love, suffer a broken heart, fall down, get back up, suffer excruciating pain…only here.  Not only that, but the relationships we have in this lifetime with everyone we know will never be replicated again.  Appreciate the unique relationships you have with your loved ones in this particular lifetime, for they will change again and again in different lifetimes.  Our time on earth is just a point in time.  Space-time only exists here, it isn’t real. We go on for eternity in our true form, so when we are done here there will be more to experience.  So enjoy this. This is our playground.

I had a powerful dream once.  I was on a flat surface that was moving through space.  I wasn’t this body, I don’t know what I was because I could not see myself,  but I was traveling through space and earth was to the left of me in the distance.  There was a rock or planet to the right and in the distance there was a brilliant bright light.  But my attention was drawn to the left, where earth was.  And there was a voice, although it wasn’t exactly a voice.  I couldn’t tell you if it was male or female.  But it said, “You can come here, and if you don’t like it you can leave.  But if you do like it, it will be very hard to leave.” I woke up then, startled because I knew that it wasn’t a dream I just had.  I was awakened because someone had just been talking to me, as if they had been right in the room with me.  I was confused for a minute. Then I realized that the me in the dream was us, all of us, as one, before we separated into individuals for this terrestrial experience.  I understood that we indeed must enjoy it here.  Even though I haven’t really enjoyed this particular life so far (haha), we as a whole really do love the notion of endless choices.  We want to explore all of our options, see how many different paths we can travel, how many different choices we can make, and this can go on for what feels like forever.  So I think we’ll be here awhile.  But see time doesn’t mean the same thing in our real form that it does here. Time is all happening in the same moment in our real form.  And I understand that there’s so much more beyond this- SO much more that we have yet to see, beyond this earthly experience.  I have seen it in my dreams.  This is just one place we are visiting for a short time, and when we are done here we will move on to the next adventure.

I always felt that I was being watched.  They, it, god, whatever you wish to call it, sees everything, and I felt that there were a group of beings  waiting for us, waiting so patiently for us to finish this experience, so that we can continue on our journey together, because there is so much more after this. I always felt them smiling down on us.  It seemed like they had been waiting there for a long time.  They had gone through earthly life already, and understood all of our experiences.  But we are not judged, that is a huge misconception!  They, god, it - understands and has quite a sense of humor.  We take religion all too seriously.  I was always given this message- to take the message and leave the messenger behind.  It’s not so important where or by whom you are given wisdom in life-just take it with you, that’s all that matters.  I know religion is a sensitive subject- but basically as we have all heard before, it doesn’t matter which religion you choose, or don’t choose.  They all lead to the same place.  People get stuck on scripture and judgment, but we’re all playing the same game.  We are all going home in the end. We are all made from the same love, there is no separation- we are all the SAME- you, me, God and us alike. 

You have millions of choices in your millions of lives, and that’s just what they are-choices.  There is cause and effect.  We take the lessons from each life and pass them on to the next.  Our lives are connected and they intertwine, and so we are constantly learning and evolving.  But these lives here do not reflect our true form; they are meant to be an entirely different experience.  Here we are given different options that we would not have in our true form; for example we have bodies! We are able to give birth and given the choice to hurt and kill each other.  But you must remember this is not real! We are given different choices here on earth, because this is just an experiment, a playground.  These bodies and brains were created with choices on purpose, there was no mistake!  All of these choices are there for a reason. When you consider something like a pinwheel created by millions of different lives, how does one decide which one is ‘right’ and which one is ‘wrong?’  There is no such thing anymore.  I know this is a difficult concept to swallow.  It is simply about different choices.  It is not about judgment.  That is what the universe wanted me to know.  This was a powerful message I was given time and again. There is so much compassion, understanding, and acceptance, regardless of what you do in this life or the next.  Never judgment.  Just an all-encompassing and eternal love that we are a part of.  We are here to explore all possibilities, and that is exactly what we are doing.  There is no such thing as right or wrong on the other side.  There is cause and effect.  I hope you understand this.  When we review our lives we see different choices and where they have led us.  There is no wrong.  Ultimately we are drawn to our universal life force, no doubt.  But we all feel that at different times, when we are ready.  But we are still stuck in these human bodies-god knows this is not our real form, that this is just a journey we are going through temporarily- and so we are always accepted for the different choices we make based on our terrestrial circumstances.  There is no such thing as perfection here, for we already are perfect in our true form.  We are always accepted, please know this.  We are god and god is us.  There is no separation.  We can do no wrong.

Unfortunately suffering is something that we have to go through here.   And in those times we have to remember- it isn’t real.  It is temporary and it is a necessity in this life experience that we wanted to be a part of for the greater good.  We agreed to be part of this at a time that, right now, feels like a very long time ago.  We just don’t remember right now while in these bodies.  But we will when we cross over. We will remember everything.  It will all become clear.  I say this just as much for myself as for those who are reading this.

You see, I am still struggling in this life, just as we all are.  That is part of human existence.    I’d like to say that after the experiences I have just shared that my life was somehow transformed for the better.  I thought this new soul was going to take charge of my life and miraculously fix all of my problems.  But that would not be realistic.  Ironically, since those experiences 2 years ago, my life seems to have been more challenging and painful.  Living with bipolar disorder will always be a battle.  I had lithium toxicity again the following year, in 2014, and after that my doctors tried to slowly taper me off of lithium, since it was affecting my kidneys, and that was a nightmare.  I was hospitalized 6 times in a little over a year, once for a suicide attempt, all related to being off of lithium (at one point I decided I didn’t need it because I was manic), and switching from lithium to different medications that did not help.  I finally have found medications that help keep me stable, and for the first time in a long time I truly feel happiness, but I still deal with isolation issues, as I have a hard time connecting with ‘normal’ people, since I don’t really live a normal life.  I am always searching for the deeper, intellectual, spiritual types, those who really are closer to the other side, and I find it difficult to converse with people who are more interested in money, material possessions, and other such shallow and meaningless things in life.  But that is why I am so happy to have found this website, for I really don’t have anyone to share these experiences with.  Ever since I discovered nderf.org I have been urged by the universe to write and share my experiences, even at times when I didn’t feel like writing.  It has been very strange.  At times I have been doubtful that I should even submit this, because I think it sounds crazy, but somehow something keeps telling me that this is the right thing to do.  I feel very connected to the universe still.  It is a very powerful feeling, and there is so much love.  So I have to trust it.  I feel very connected to everyone who has shared their story on nderf, and the similarities are astounding, so I know I am doing the right thing.

On a side note, several years ago I was diagnosed with panic disorder as well as high blood pressure- which I was told was caused by panic disorder.  What I find interesting is that within the past year those two issues have completely diminished on their own.  My blood pressure is absolutely perfect every single day now and I can’t even remember the last time I had anxiety or a panic attack.  To put this in perspective, back in 2009 I once called 911 because I thought I was having a heart attack, and a few months later I again went to the ER due to similar symptoms.  Even with blood pressure medication my blood pressure used to be about 150 or 160/90.  These issues resolved themselves several months before I started the current medications I am taking, so that is not the cause. I have gone through so much in the past year – 3 hospitalizations and a suicide attempt, so I should actually be feeling worse.  I have no clue why these issues have disappeared, but I no longer need medication for either of those problems.  I am truly amazed.

In the months following all of these experiences I began to find an interest and a certain comfort in physics and cosmology, particularly M-theory, which explains that there may be 11 different dimensions and that our universe may exist alongside infinite parallel universes.  How crazy is it that this sounds like what I experienced?  I never knew much about these scientific ideas before or really believed in the concept of reincarnation of past lives, but it certainly is eerie to hear a possible scientific explanation for a supernatural experience you had.  It is usually the other way around.

Just as others have shared, I do not fear death.  I look forward to returning home.  I know there is nothing to fear.  I feel the love in me every day.  It is right here inside of me.  I feel my energy every moment of the day.  I know that this energy is my true form -not the body that I happen to be inhabiting at this moment in time.  I am comfortable leaving my body when I fall asleep.  I feel when other people are thinking of me, mostly people who are close to me.  Sometimes I feel when bad things are going to happen.  I still have very vivid dreams, and I accept that those are more than what they seem.  There are so many coincidences in my life it’s ridiculous.  Everything is very much connected.  I feel that I am not the same person that I was 2 years ago.  I feel that that part of me died, or left.  I have always felt that I will never be the same.  In a way it is sad, because I feel a sense of mourning for the loss of that being who is never going to return to this body.  I still don’t feel like myself, like something is missing, and I am always in search of that missing piece.

I just have to trust that everything is meant to be.  All of my choices have led up to this.  I don’t receive knowledge all the time like I did 2 years ago, and I don’t feel connected to every living thing on the same level like I used to, unless I consciously focus on it, but the love is always there.  I communicate with the universe all the time for guidance and direction, and to help keep me open to new experiences and to help me remember all that I have learned.  I am so grateful and so lucky to have experienced a piece of the other side.  Many people go through life relying only on faith, but I am one of the few who has experienced firsthand the astounding love of the universe in all its glory.  All I want to do is share it with everyone. 

I know people like to quote verses from the bible that have personal meaning to them, but music is my religion, and the song ‘Music Box’ by the band Thrice has special meaning to me.  It is quite beautiful.

Thank you for reading.  Be well.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?   Yes    Lithium

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?   Yes    There was no communication with actual words, it was all understood internally.  There was also an instantaneous flood of knowledge and information that flowed in, and the overwhelming, powerful force of love cannot be described with human words; it is beyond our language and it surpasses what we experience as human love.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?   Uncertain    I know now that I had lithium toxicity but I don't know what my lithium level was because at the time I was unaware that I was even toxic. My psychiatrist was out of town and I did not understand what was happening to me. Lithium toxicity can be fatal, so I don't know if I was indeed at that level or not. I probably wasn't because I lived! but I will never know just what the level was. When I did see my psychiatrist he just told me to stop taking lithium for awhile and he prescribed a different medication, but for some reason I didn't get blood work done, I have no idea why...I really don't remember that time period very well, outside of the experiences I have shared.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?   Very alert, conscious, aware, and focused.

Was the experience dream like in any way?   No, not at all. It was very clear and I knew I was communicating with someone or something. There was a beginning and an end, and it made complete sense, even though it was of course an unusual event. A dream usually feels very confusing in subject matter and it does not follow a logical rhythm of a beginning and an end. I was very aware and alert and there were many profound life-changing purposes to this experience.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   Yes   I was not in my body when this experience occurred. I don't know where I was, but I did not inhabit a body. I felt my energy re-enter my body afterward. I felt completely separate from my body as this was happening, as if I didn't really fit into this body. I felt my energy and this body did not 'go' together. They are completely separate from each other, and it was a very awkward experience.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?    At first I felt very calm as I was shown my different lives, and then an overwhelming joy and love spread throughout my entire being when I was embraced by the universe, and I felt total acceptance, peace, and happiness.  The knowledge and love I experienced was something I wanted to share with everyone, and that thought brought on more joy. Reviewing my life did not spark any emotion-there was simply acceptance and understanding. And then a refreshing energetic zest for life that I hadn't felt before. I felt brand new and filled with a positive radiant light that hadn't previously existed.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?    I always heard music, but it isn't our kind of music. It was some sort of noise that's so beautiful, and I always thought of it as background music, because it was always there, but I could never replicate it or hum it. It's just this noise that exists throughout the universe...it doesn't pause or take a break, but it changes all the time. Sorry, I don't know how to describe it. Often I wake up with music in my head just for an instant, music that I don't recognize, or I'll wake up knowing I just heard music because it suddenly sounds so deafeningly silent, like loud music has just been turned off.

Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    No   

Did you see a light?    No   

Did you meet or see any other beings?    No   

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state?   No   

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?   No   

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?    Yes    Visually, everything was very clear and I can still remember the details to this day. I heard that echo in the mountains, and music, but other than that nothing from the other senses.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?    Yes    I understood time does not exist in our real form. I felt like everything was slowed down, as if I were in this state of consciousness for hours. I saw that I had many lives playing out side by side, and they went on forever. They were all happening in the present, right next to this one. There was no rush or urgency in this place. There was no life 'before' or 'after' this one. They were all right here, in front of me.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes    I was filled with knowledge about the universe and why we are here, everything I had every wondered about, every math and science question, every question I had about life. Of course I don't remember any of this knowledge now, but it was all accessible and it seemed so simple at the time. I saw myself explaining these concepts to people and it brought me great joy.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?    No   

Did you become aware of future events?    No   

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?    Yes    I was asked several times if I wanted to return to this life or another one, and I decided I wanted to continue in this life, as I was so young and did not want to leave my family behind, and I wanted to accomplish more in my life.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?    Yes    I felt completely connected to nature. I could feel the love emanating from every object around me. I also was highly sensitive to the feelings and thoughts of others around me for some time. And of course I had spiritual experiences for a few months after the main experience, which I wrote about. Everything else that has stayed with me, like feeling my own energy, has been with me since I was a child.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes    I am no longer afraid of death.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?    It has not really affected my relationships. It just makes it a little more difficult to connect to people because I would like to share this but I know I will just look crazy. It's hard finding people who will be accepting of this.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Uncertain    My life didn't change, but I don't carry so much fear with me anymore. I am more relaxed about life now. I have learned to go with the flow. I'm not so worried about where this life will take me because I know that no matter what, I will be ok.

Have you shared this experience with others?    Yes    I have only shared this with my ex because he was in my life when this was happening, so I shared my experiences with him on a daily basis. He was very understanding and supportive. I'm not sure he was really influenced. I think he thinks I was delusional, but I think some part of him recognizes the truth to some things I have shared, and the coincidences he cannot explain. He is a very logical and rational person, so he won't be swayed by much unless he actually goes through something like this himself. And that's ok.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?   The best- knowing how loved I was, knowing I am part of something so magnificent, knowing we never die. Worst-not being able to share it with everyone.   

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No           

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?    Yes