Evelyn S's Experience
I was at my bf house
more depressed than I'd ever been in my 15+ year battle with depression, anxiety
and insomnia. I'd just told him every single secret and lie I had on my
conscious and after my 2 hours confession he'd left the room to fix us something
to eat. Out of nowhere it seemed like the roof of the building had been ripped
clean off and a bright white spotlight filled the entire room, nearly blinded
me. I thought for a split second it was a helicopter but we were indoors so that
wouldn't make sense. Someone was standing next to me on my right and next to him
(I felt it was a him although I only saw him from the knees down) was what
looked like an air duct- like the silver exhaust hose on the back of my clothes
dryer. As I stood there, I saw myself sitting across the room where I had been
sitting and didn't remember getting up. And then the man next to me took me up
into the light. I wasn't afraid. It was so weird and fast but I remembered
everything and many things happened. Without speaking we went through all the
things I felt bad about in my life and I was told -again, without words- that it
was okay because anyone in my position would have made the same choices I had.
The mistakes I'd made were due to faulty logic I was unaware of. Then we were
standing on clouds and across the 'room' sat Moses (I don't know how I know
that) before him were all kinds of wheels or interconnected cogs which
represented people and when one person made the smallest choice about something,
it caused the cogs to turn slightly which affected every other cog in the
system. The smallest act by one of us has a ripple effect that touches all of
us. And I looked at Moses and mentally acknowledged that I understood what I'd
been shown. The next thing I know, my friend walks back into the room with some
food and I repeat the words "I'm good again" several times- in a daze.
Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes I felt things I'd never felt before so I didn't have words to describe them. The experience was beyond description even now after two years and hundreds and hundreds of hours spent researching the topic.
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No
What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? I was more conscious than I've ever been before. It was like having 20/20 vision your entire life and you wake up one day with VASTLY BETTER vision that you didn't even know was possible.
Was the experience dream like in any way? Only in the sense it was difficult to describe the sensations I felt and how it unfolded. It didn't seem to follow a linear time sequence- which probably doesn't make much sense. sorry
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Uncertain
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Elation, joy, bliss, ecstasy
Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? I don't remember hearing anything at all.
LOCATION DESCRIPTION: Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures? Yes The clouds we were standing on were a part of heaven.
Did you see a light? Yes The brightest and whitest light I've ever seen- yes
Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes Jesus was the man beside me and I knew this even though I only saw him from the knees down because 1) he was wearing a purple robe and 2) I just knew somehow. Moses was the man that explained the interconnected cog/people thing. I haven't the slightest idea why I know that considering old men with white beards could be several Biblical characters but I know the one I encountered was Moses
Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? Uncertain I experienced sensations beyond my 5 normal senses. I knew and felt and saw and heard but yet I didn't register the information like I normally would with my ears or mouth etc. I can't explain it but I sensed everything more than I ever had before inside my head not detected on or through the rest of my body like usual
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes I felt no sense of time but many things transpired in the few minutes that elapsed between my friend leaving the room and his return back into the room. It could have been a year or 30 seconds- it was timeless or occurred outside of time
Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes I know there is a Creator that cares deeply about me and everyone on Earth and I know we are all part of the same family, not enemies or rivals. I know the people who have died that I once knew, exist somewhere in a state of heavenly and everlasting joy and we'll reunite one day so I don't have to be overly saddened when people die.
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you become aware of future events? No
Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body? No
Did you have any
psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did
not have prior to the experience?
There have been
more positive coincidences than I can count. Things have 'come' to me when I
needed them most, long-standing problems I didn't know how to solve were
miraculously resolved in ways I never thought possible. I can sense, sometimes
sense other peoples unspoken feelings and have known things in situations I had
no way of knowing. I sometimes see a bright light shining over my shoulder when
writing late at night- as if something divine is assisting me or even writing
through me. I saw an eagle 4 feet away from me in the middle of the 6th largest
city in the US. The list goes on. So many unexpected positive things have
happened, I've lost track.
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes It would be quicker to list what attitudes remained the same after my experience and that would be none. My entire perspective has changed. I see everything differently now and have a deep sense of peace that I've never had before. Things aren't perfect and I worry and get bitchy and impatient sometimes but I'm working on it and have made strides I never thought possible. I'm more selfless and charitable and forgiving than ever.
How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices? I quit my job and left my husband, let my home go into foreclosure and am unconcerned that my parents particularly my father, are not in agreement with all of my decisions. I've changed my political views and no longer even care much about politics at all. I can't stand talk radio or the television shows I used to enjoy and haven't had but maybe a dozen alcoholic beverages in the last 2 years. I have no interest in joining an organized religion but am more spiritual and filled with faith and the desire to read my Bible than I've ever been. My bf sometimes tires of my talk of spiritual matters but I am not going to stop talking about it- not for long, at least.
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes Again, everything in my life has changed. I can't think of anything that remains the same as it was before I had my experience. My mind, body, heart, passion, vocation, past times, family, friends, goals and values are different now. And I don't need to be right about everything or anything anymore. Being right all the time or being the smartest or the funniest or whatever, is a hollow win. I'm not nearly as prideful and am willing to admit even the most embarrassingly petty crimes to people. I'm not perfect and never will be so I've stopped trying to be and I've stopped expecting others to be perfect too. Letting people be who they are- good and bad- has allowed me to see their struggles so much more clearly which allows me to empathize on an entirely new level. People are more wonderful in their natural state, not as the person I've decided they are or should be. I used to think my life would go on forever and I just wanted it to end. Now, it will end long before I've enjoyed and experienced all the things I want to but that's okay. Everything is okay
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes I've told a few people and all but one person (my bf) seemed to care much or believe me, not sure which. Whatever. It doesn't matter to me. I did have 3 coworkers, 2 of which I'd not spoken with before, comment on my appearance having changed the Monday following my experience. They asked if I'd gotten my hair cut or what was different with me because they all said I looked different. That's pretty strange.
What emotions did you experience following your experience? joy, elation, ecstasy, excitement. My feet didn't touch the ground for months, maybe a year or more.
What was the best and worst part of your experience? That experience changed my life for the better in every way possible. I have absolutely no regrets and am honored and humbled to have had the experience. The only negative that's resulted is the brief periods of fear or insecurity I have since my life has taken a turn into the unknown. Since I am doing things I've never done before (taking time of work, living with my bf in a new part of town, realizing that I don't now and never did have the support of my parents and friends like I thought I had) all these things are new and new experiences frighten me. The devil you know is better than the one you don't sort of thing. Everything is vastly better than before but it's unfamiliar and that sometimes sends me into a panic. Thankfully this happens less and less as time goes on. That's the only downside which in the overall scheme of things isn't really a bad thing at all.
Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? I mentioned before bur I think it's worth saying again- the Monday following my Saturday night experience, 3 of my former coworkers asked me what I'd changed about my appearance. Two of the women I'd never spoken with before but they were compelled to ask if I'd cut my hair or something because they said I looked different but they couldn't figure out what I'd changed. Also- I did not immediately relate my experience to having been something spiritual. Even though I'd grown up going to church and hearing stories about people 'being saved' I didn't immediately make the connection to what had happened to me. It wasn't long before it occurred to me but it seemed blasphemous to think let alone say that Jesus took me to heaven, forgave my sins and Moses showed me our interconnectedness. I was hesitant for a long time even though I KNEW that is exactly what had happened and it was strikingly similar to other peoples accounts of salvation. Oddly enough when I told me dad, who had dragged me to church 3 times a week for 16 years, he kind of just looked at me like I'd lost my mind and we haven't spoken of it again. That saddens me but oh well. I also won't announce my change in religion or renouncement or discuss anything spiritual with my parents or my grandfather, who is a preacher. Apparently the scales have not been lifted off their eyes yet. Lastly, immediately following the experience, I wasn't angry with people I'd had grudges with. I understood somehow that they, like me, were acting in the best way they could in any given situation given the information they had and their life experience. I was forgiven and the only way to stay that way was to forgive other people. Judge not lest thee be judged is not about some future judgment situation after death- it happens now. Whatever standard you hold others to is the same one you're judged and found guilty on. No grudge is worth my feeling the immense guilt I used to feel again. I will gladly and quickly forgive people whenever necessary so at the very least, my slate stays clean.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No I had another experience WITH my bf shortly after my personal experience. In the same location none the less- with him as a witness to what transpired. He also experienced something on his own that was similar in nature right around the same time. It was a funky cool period of time
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire. I would ask if other people noticed, witnessed, commented or recognized changes in you without having told them about the experience. Did you suddenly look or behave differently enough that people commented about it or asked you what was going on, particularly people that were unaware of what you'd experienced.