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Experience description:   

Right. I have only told around seven people the following, and none of my family. Reason? I would no doubt be labeled delusional, fanciful or similar. Those I have told have been loved ones, or open conversations with others interested in this kind of thing. 

I have had the following experience/memory all my life. When I say ‘all my life’ I literally mean just that – not only is it the first or earliest thing I remember but I *know* that it happened before the rest of my life, so to speak. I have always had this memory. Always. I have thought about it from age 0 – if that’s possible. I clearly remember thinking about it when I was at least 3, and intrinsically know that it ‘happened’ way before that age. I have not stopped thinking about it ever since. Not a day goes past. I am now 40. I am also not given to new-age wooly minded liberalism either – I have a logical, scientific mind and I am also very creative, so have rationalized this to death, as it were. 

In terms of it being real, all I can say is that I *know* it happened. It wasn’t a dream, it isn’t a false memory. When you *know* something, you know it. It’s not a case of ‘I strongly feel this happened’. It is real.

The description I am about to write down for the first time is very stereotypical of tunnels/light/angels/love. It may perhaps seem very clichéd – but see my notes at the end of the description as to why this is itself interesting. What I remember is this: 

I am drifting up a tunnel. It is vast, and white. To my right and above, near me, is another being/person, whom I recall as possibly being female, and somehow ‘with’ me. We are drifting up. There are others drifting up too, although further away. When I reach near the top, I’m looking up, and all around the edge of the circular tunnel are faces looking down at me, dozens/hundreds. All are angelic, beautiful, off the scale. This is in fact a rather large understatement. The sense of love is not describable. I have a strong (that would be the biggest understatement in the universe) urge to be with them. 

When I reach the top I can see tiers, like balcony rows in a theatre, all filled with what can only be very stereotypically described as angels. There is a sense of male and female, but really all sense of earthly description is no longer valid/needed or applicable. The ‘angels’ have wings. This bit is really important for me  - the sense of absolute awe, power, love, joy, whiteness (light), humility is off the scale. It is simply not describable. Think of the most love you have ever felt, multiply it by the largest, most infinite number you can think of (to the ‘power of’, even) and you will not even be close. It is not able to be described or appreciated by our language. You’d have to be there. This sensation is what I remember most – of wanting to be with these ‘angels’, of wanting to be accepted. I recall knowing that I was not as pure (for want of a better word) as these beings, that they were in some sense ‘higher’ than I was, but that they loved me (and in fact everything/everyone). The being to my right I described earlier I do not remember any  more of. There was a flow of understanding between the angelic beings and myself, they understood me, I think I was just in awe of them for my part. I felt very small, very humble (again an understatement). 

I am then aware of meeting someone/something – and communicating – but this is a blank. A deliberate blanking I feel – I was not allowed to remember what took place. It was a meeting with something more powerful, and I didn’t have any choice in whatever it was that took place. But the upshot was that I had to return down the tunnel. The other sensation I remember most vividly at this point was that I was so angry/disappointed/sad (you could probably merge all these emotions into one) that I could not stay. This was a big blow to me. I was *really* sad/angry. I remember going down the tunnel (no choice on my part, I just ‘went’).  After that, it’s childhood memories. 

So I have thought about the above every day since. I remember it when I was a child of three (and wanting to be back there). The tunnel, faces, tiers, wings, joy, then going back down and anger/sadness, all have been thought about every day from at least that age, and I *know* it happened way before that. 

Given that my experience is a very stereotypical account of the archetypal ‘tunnel with light and angels at the end) the question my logical mind has been asking is “if this is a false memory, how can a child (of at least three but in fact a lot younger because I’ve always had this memory) come into contact with a written or visual account of such an experience (this would be the 1970’s), and comprehend it, and then memorize it?”. It’s not as if there were NDE accounts littering my nursery floor for me to read (if I could read at that age?). And how do you implant the *immense* emotions attached to the arriving and leaving of such a place? Be aware that this memory has not changed in the slightest. Not the tunnel, not the faces at the rim as I was rising, not the tiers, not the wings. It hasn’t ‘grown’ any more in my mind since the time it happened. Nothing has been ‘added’. As far as I know, as a child I didn’t have any accidents which required resuscitation either.  

So that is my logical mind attempting to find some other explanation. But I really know that it *did* happen. I can’t deny it any more than I can deny that I exist. I *know* you exist after you die. And I guess that my biggest fear is that I won’t be able to stay again next time, even if I get to the same place. Throughout my life, I’ve always thought to myself, I don’t want to come back here (again). Which is sad I guess, but when you’ve experienced the absolute joy (not describable) I have you really don’t want anything but that.  I’ve started to read the NDE accounts on this site, and can identify strongly with many of them. Sadly, I don’t remember (or not allowed to) the reason why I am here and not there. Or what I’m supposed to do here. What I really am looking for when I recall my experience  is ‘how am I doing? Am I making mistakes? What do I have to do?’. I really, really, really don’t want to have to come back because I made a mistake, or didn’t live my life in the correct way, or didn’t measure up. How do you know how you are doing?

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   No 

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes    

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    At all times.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      Normal consciousness and alertness  

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   Hard to say - same?

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   Hard to say - same?

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Absolute joy, love, happiness, awe. All off the scale by an infinite factor.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   Yes   Wide, vast tunnel, lit (or white) with others all ascending.

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   Everything lit in white, all around, surrounding encompassing light.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Hundreds of what I can only describe as very stereotypical angels. Yes, they had wings. Male or female, or neither. Or both. Hard to say. Communication was not aural, but 'experienced'. Hard to describe.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   A clearly mystical or unearthly realm

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Yes
The 'boundary' seemed to be the top of the tunnel, or just above it. Once above, I couldn't go any further.

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was "sent back" against my will

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   The fact that I experienced the tunnel and everything else indicates to me that you clearly exist after you die.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   The fact that I experienced something that I was not allowed to remember and everything else indicates to me that there was a higher presence involved.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   Yes   The fact that I experienced this, to my belief, *before* I was born, and the nature of the experience (coming back) means that I had to have 'existed' before I arrived, so to speak.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   insomuch as there was a universal joy/love experienced when I was there.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   insomuch as there was a universal joy/love experienced when I was there.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   No   Hard

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   Hard to say as this happened (I believe) before I had 'beliefs'.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   I have always remembered this event. It is more real than anything that has since happened.  

My experience directly resulted in:  
Unknown

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?  
Uncertain   Hard to say as I believe this happened before this life.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?   The sense of (off the scale) love and awe when I reached the end of the tunnel. The absolute anger/sadness when I was forced to return.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Uncertain   I have (despite my logical self trying to pass this off as anything but what it seems) been able to foresee very minor and extremely trivial events connected with others very shortly before they happen. It happens in the form of a daydream, then happens either immediately or within hours.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?    
The sense of (off the scale) love and awe when I reached the end of the tunnel. The absolute anger/sadness when I was forced to return.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?  
Yes  Probably when I told the first person I was around 13. Reaction of interest.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No  

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   See above main description.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   See above main description.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Uncertain   Hard to say as I believe this happened before this life.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Uncertain   Hard to say as I believe this happened before this life.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Uncertain   No. When I was younger, thinking strongly about it produced maybe the tiniest, infinitely small 'recall' of the (off the scale) love experienced at the time.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   No.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes