WHEN MOM GOT SICK THE LAST TIME THE RENAL KIDNEY FAILURE, SHE STOPPED EATING AND DRINKING ON PURPOSE.  SHE TOLD ME, "GET ME OUT OF THIS REHAB NOW, I WANT TO COME HOME."  BECKY TOLD ME, "BE PREPARED SHE IS COMING  HOME TO DIE. NO MORE HOSPITALS OR REHABS OR PHYSICAL AND OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY, I WANT TO GO HOME TO DIE. I AM TIRED OF ALL OF IT." SO I GOT HER OUT AND BROUGHT HER HOME. 

FOR SEVERAL DAYS SHE WAS DOING OK, BUT THEN SOMETHING WITH HER GOT HARD.  SHE NO LONGER WANTED TO TRY AND THAT'S WHEN I BROUGHT HOSPICE IN.  WE ALL TALKED.  MOM SAID SHE WAS TIRED OF EVERYTHING. SHE NO LONGER  WANTED TO BE A BURDEN ON ANYONE.  THAT IS WHEN HOSPICE TOLD ME POSSIBLY 6 MONTHS (BUT I KNEW LESS) BUT HOPING FOR MORE, SHE GRADUALLY ACCEPTED WHAT SHE WANTED, BUT I WOULD NOT LET GO. I WAS EXTREMELY HURT AND ANGRY WITH HER DECISION ON GIVING UP.  THAT'S WHEN MOM, BECKY AND I KNEW TIME WAS NOT ON OUR SIDE. HOSPICE WAS HELPING ME TO PREPARE FOR A JOURNEY I WOULD NOT BE READY NOR WILLING TO GO THROUGH (AND I WAS NOT).

 LORALEI IS MY DAUGHTER (8 years old) THROUGHOUT THIS WAS MY BIGGEST HERO,  SHE AND I TALK A LOT ABOUT DEATH AND SHE CAME UP TO ME ONE NIGHT AND TOLD ME TO ALLOW GRANDMA TO DIE WITH DIGNITY!! 

 HOSPICE TOLD ME SHE WAS IN CONTROL OF HER JOURNEY AND WAS RALLYING AND WAITING.  WHEN DAD AND MARY TERESA CAME IN SHE WAS HAPPY BUT I KNEW SHE WAS NOT WAITING FOR THEM... 

 ROB CAME IN AND EVEN THOUGH UNCLE JULIO KEPT TELLING ME OH SHE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THE HOLIDAY, I KNEW BETTER...  ROB WHEN YOU LEFT, I KNEW THAT WOULD BE YOUR LAST TIME YOU WOULD SEE HER.. 

WHEN I WAS SO WORRIED EVERY TIME I CAME IN HER ROOM I WOULD STOP AND ASK GOD PLEASE LET HER BE ALIVE AND SHE WAS.. OCTOBER 29 THURSDAY WHEN HOSPICE CAME IN MOM WAS NOT DOING WELL. I KNEW WHAT HAD HAPPENED THAT NIGHT. HOSPICE TOOK ME OUT OF THE ROOM. MOM HAD A MAJOR STROKE, SHE NO LONGER WAS TALKING AND FRIDAY EVENING SHE HAD ANOTHER STROKE.  BECKY WAS WITH ME FROM THURSDAY NIGHT AND NEVER LEFT ME ALONE.  I PUT MOM ON OXYGEN FROM THEN ON...THAT IS WHEN HOSPICE TOLD ME TELL YOU GUYS TO TALK TO HER AND I LEFT THE ROOM SO THAT YOU GUYS CAN SO WHAT YOU NEEDED.  I DO WANT TO LET YOU KNOW SHE COULD NOT TALK NO LONGER BUT WHEN SHE HEARD EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU SHE HAD A SMILE!!  SHE KNEW!! 

MOM WENT INTO A COMA I BELIEVE NOV.1ST OR EARLIER. HOSPICE CAME IN NOV.1ST. WE GAVE HER A BATH. THEY TOLD ME TO TALK TO HER SHE STILL CAN HEAR.  I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY JUST HELD HER HAND AND CRIED. SO BECKY AND I TOOK TURN. I WOULD SLEEP A COUPLE OF HOURS.  WE BOTH SET UP CAMP IN MOM'S ROOM ON 2 OTTOMANS. GAVE HER MORPHINE EVERY HOUR.  HOSPICE CAME THAT EVENING AND TOLD ME IT WILL GET WORSE BEFORE SHE PASSED.

OH  MY GOD! THIS IS THE SPIRITUAL SIDE OF THE JOURNEY THAT EVENING I SAW GRANDPA AND ABOUT 200 TO 400 OF THEM  IN MOMS ROOM, BOTH BECKY AND I  LOOKED UP AND THE CEILING WAS A BRIGHT ORANGE AND THERE WAS A SOUND OF DRUMS THE LATER IT GOT THE LOUDER IT GOT! JOEL CAME IN THE ROOM ABOUT 5:45 AM AND WAS VERY GENTLE AND WARM LIKE HE HAS BEEN THROUGHOUT THIS PROCESS AND WAS TALKING TO HER. HE WOKE ME UP AND TOLD ME I DO NOT HAVE A LOT OF TIME, I RAN TO THE BATHROOM MADE MOM AND I CUP OF COFFEE WITH A STRAW (SHE LIKE THAT WAY) I CAME BACK IN THE ROOM SHE TURNED HER HEAD OPENED HER EYES AND SMILED AND TOOK HER LAST BREATH. 

 I SCREAMED AND RAN TO JOEL, JOEL GOT LORALEI UP AND READY FOR SCHOOL I  KEPT THE OXYGEN AND LORALEI STOOD IN THE ENTRANCE OF GRANDMA'S ROOM BUT WOULD NOT COME IN, SHE KNEW!! 

 MOM PASSED AT 6:23 AM AND I HAD TO CALL THE TIME OF DEATH, NOT HOSPICE, I MADE A MISTAKE I HAD THE PHONE UPSIDE DOWN AND CALLED THE  WRONG TIME AND DROPPED THE PHONE BECKY PICK IT UP AND HANDED BACK TO ME, I DID NOT WANT TO CALL THE TIME, BUT I HAD TO. WE WAITED UNTIL 7:34 OR 7:SOMETHING THAT'S WHEN HOSPICE SHOWED UP CHECK MOM'S PULSE, AND CALLED THE TIME OF DEATH.

 HOSPICE MADE MISTAKE ON THE PAPER WORK SO WE HAD TO START THE PAPER WORK ALL OVER AGAIN, THEN I WAS ALLOWED TO GIVE MOM A BATH, AND SPEND SOMETIME WITH MOM JUST ME AND MOM, NO ONE ELSE!! 

THE FUNERAL HOME WAS CALLED AND THEY REMOVED MOM, BUT COULD NOT FIND THE CONTRACT I SIGNED IN APRIL 2009, AT 11:00 AM BECKY AND I HAD TO GO BACK (JOEL WANTED TO COME WITH ME) AND HELP ME BUT I WOULD NOT LET HIM, SO BECKY AND I HAD TO GO AND PICK OUT THE COFFIN AND REDO ALL THE PAPER WORK, THEY ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO DO MOM'S HAIR BUT I COULD NOT I JUST COULD NOT... 

 WE CAME HOME AND BECKY, JOEL AND I CRIED.  YES MOM WAS OUT OF PAIN, BUT SHE WAS GONE... JOEL THOUGHT HE WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING BY PACKING EVERYTHING OF MOM'S AND REDOING THE ROOM, BUT HE FAILED THAT EVENING I LOST IT. I PUT THE ROOM BACK TO WHERE IT WAS WHEN MOM WAS THERE 8 OR 9 HOURS AGO. I EVEN MADE JOEL MAKE THE BED AND I STARTED THE OXYGEN TANK AGAIN AND SAT THERE FOR AWHILE AND LEFT THE ROOM. 

 THE NEXT DAY I SHUT EVERYTHING DOWN AND JOEL MADE THE CALL AND MADE  SURE ALL THE HOSPITAL STUFF WAS PICKED UP THAT DAY, AND THAT DAY WE WENT TO MOM'S REHAB AND GAVE THEM DIAPERS, WHEELCHAIR, WALKERS AND ANYTHING ELSE SHE HAD.

AND NOW I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER JOURNEY BY MYSELF WITH NO ONE EXCEPT ME AND  HOPEFULLY A GOOD THERAPIST. BUT THE JOURNEY I WENT THROUGH WITH MOM I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN

HOSPICE HAS TOLD ME IS LONG AS THERE IS HOPE THERE IS HOPE

 LOVE ALWAYS

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    The drums

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  externally

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           similar at times and at other times I did not recognized

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   no

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

my face was being rubbed

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   familiar

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  Yes mom told me to relax and hold on this will take you on a trip

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  no

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

still, exhausted at times confused and scared

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            somewhat transparent

            How much of the deceased did you see?       the whole body, when the soul was leaving the human body very grey, smoky

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       older

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            she had spinal cord while living after she past she did not walk just reappearing as if she was flying

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      Yes

            What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?           odor, it was the smell of death, her lungs started to fill up, when she vomited on me the day before it was that smell

            Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?     odor

            Was anything communicated by the smell?   Death

            Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?        No, I have never smelled that before

How long did the experience last?        24 hours

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         more sudden, mom was in a semi coma and slipped into a coma, she did not open her eyes again until 6:25am when I was getting coffee and I came back into the room, where she opened her eyes and smiled at me and took her last breath

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

relieved

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  It will be hard and your brothers will be angry and never talk to you again Have Courage and thank You

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           Because  this was too real and Becky was with me

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No          

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I knew and felt what was about to happen, I knew mom was tired and so was I I had to let go and be ok with myself, sadness came over me

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

I knew I did the best I could do, she died with Dignity

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      My mother is no longer in pain, I know long am taking care of my mother

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:      My marriage is on the rocks          

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     That I am much stronger than I see myself

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     My belief is that a lot of living people will not or do not want to believe in this

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes Ask and Talk to Becky, and my  cousin went thru this with her mom

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Relief and loneliness, and heart broken

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           Yes

Becky my neighbor and I

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

it was the future

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes

Not everyone gets to witness this, I was allowed and was given permission, I have the 6th sense, my grandfather had it

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes

Right on target, my brother do not speak to me, and now I am without blood family except my children, and my dad when he chooses

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            Yes

My grandfather was with me that night he allowed me to stay and witness, he told me I was ready for this

Did you see a light?           Yes

Big Bright Orange

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            Yes

I was again allowed to go in the trariot with mom, but I finally decided to leave, it was about her departure

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     Well I did share this with my brothers and Dad, since then the brothers will not talk to me Dad knows what I am talking about

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?            Yes

angeling but I still feel like know one is listening

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       How does it sound to You?

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

NO

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Yes 

It was 19 years ago and I was involved with a bad person, but I did see my grandfather as the same image I saw when mom was dying

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    Can you communicate with my mom?

If so can you contact me about it