Ed F's Experience
This is a reprint of a narrative describing a spontaneous transcendent episode, which I experienced (and published in a pamphlet) back in 1972. I believe it describes what is essentially a Tantric-like scenario where sexual union culminated (for me but not my partner) in a supreme transcendence. Of course the event occurred in an environment devoid of any religious symbolism, belief or significance as we were an agnostic couple simply intent on having "great sex".
It is presented here because I believe it does tend to validate a fundamental premise in Tantric sexual yoga.
Ecstasy Beyond Orgasm
Published 1972 by The Wholeness (1)Foundation,
Duke Station, Durham, NC
THE WHOLENESS FOUNDATION
The following account was written more than eighteen months after the experience, however, the concepts, language and terms used throughout are those used when it was first described (with the exception of certain items duly noted). In the past few months I've done considerable skimming of material dealing with psychical and mystical phenomena but at the time of the event I was in an almost completely naive state regarding these subjects.
I haven't included any details of the sexual session, which triggered the event since I think those would be relevant only to Patti and myself. With this exception, what follows is as exact and accurate an account of the experience as I am capable of writing with particular care not to mix after-the-fact insight.
The first time I remember anything remotely mystical, spiritual or religious was when I was about seven or eight years old. Just before sleeping I had the impression of being inside a long, narrow tunnel. Far away at the opposite end I saw a tiny, silhouetted figure with a conical cap, dancing. I thought it was God. It gave me an icky feeling. When I was 16, suffering from an extremely inhibited, introverted personality, I had read a book on self-hypnosis and helped my condition through a combination of breath control and autosuggestion. Throughout the balance of my adult life, up to the time of the experience, I had lived with an extremely vague philosophy, which evolved from atheism to maybe deitism around the time I turned thirty. For some brief moments thereafter, I rather pretended to have faith in ancient Greek, Norse, etc. gods, and during a time when my diving work seemed particularly hazardous due to frequent contact with sharks, I conjured up great, black shark gods which circled me protectively when I was fearful decompressing in turbid water. I had not read or discussed mystical, or religious literature although I had a vague idea of what ESP was supposed to be and had an ordinary curiosity about things such as ghosts, flying saucers, abominable snow-men and the like. I had heard the terms astral projection and psi force without knowledge or curiosity.
During the period of a few years immediately preceding the experience, my life was enriched by a number of young women who encouraged me to be less materialistic and project-oriented. Living had become a more joyful experience and these relationships suggested that emotional and sensual joy had no necessary limits. It appeared that I was the classic middle-aged guy given a "new lease on life" but in my case it was better than ever before. For the past year, I'd been into a beautiful, upward relationship with Patti- a sensitive, open-minded girl, and we were experiencing a mutual, sensual and emotional growth of great magnitude. Neither of us have used psychedelic drugs.
Some time in 1970, Ed Fisher, in relation with Patti Brown, was blessed with a profound experience (2).
This afternoon Patti and I made love and later- our climax was spectacular and mine was of such profound intensity and depth that I felt I had experienced the most complete, Earthly ecstasy possible. After some moments, when I normally would have felt the orgasmic spasms subside, the physical or physiological symptoms rapidly diminished but the emotional ecstasy not only persisted, but seemed to be growing in intensity. There was the feeling that maybe something even more profound was about to happen and I rolled over onto the adjacent bed and arranged a position where I was flat on my back with my hands crossed over my chest. The sexual quality was now completely replaced by a feeling of radiant joy throughout my entire being, accompanied by an increasingly poignant sense of emotional ecstasy which was rapidly becoming a spiritual sensation. (About a minute had passed since lying on my back.) As this sensation intensified, my regular physical senses started to become numbed. Through my art appreciation studies, I was familiar with the Bodhisattva smile and I semi-consciously helped my facial muscles, which seemed to be pulled by a warm, electric-like force, transform my expression into a similar smile of absolute ecstasy. The electric-like sensation grew in intensity and rapidly spread throughout my entire body and I became enveloped in a soft "glow" of exquisitely sweet energy. Although I had no sense of hearing outside sounds, there was an impression of a soft, rushing noise associated with this feeling. My eyes were closed but the dark field which normally seems filled with minute sparkles of varicolored light was clearing to a truly black intensity, my hearing and sense of touch were attenuated until finally I was physically numb and the electric feeling, the ecstasy and the darkening field was all there was to my consciousness save for the awareness that I was about to be "launched" out on a profound journey...outward, inward of wherever. I felt the kind of anticipatory excitement that you get as a passenger in a jet at the moment the tremendous thrust just starts to develop to drive the plane down the runway to takeoff.
All these sensations seemed to be peaking; the dark field seemed to squeeze into an even darker horizontal, rectangular slot and with a gentle lurch that seemed to kick my head back , I shot through the slot into the very blackest void for the merest fraction of a second. Instantly the light returned and I was on my way, completely aware of my naked body with arms crossed on my chest being carried "upwards" at fantastic speed in a stream of energy (3). I was in an exhilarated state of sharp consciousness and clearly aware that I was on a supreme adventure. There was the impression of pale, green and peach-colored rivulets of energy rippling in the stream, the diameter of which seemed just large enough to accommodate my body and the whole, appeared to undulate as if in response to the great force and speed of the energy involved. I experienced an extremely pleasant sensation as the "plasmic" stream rushed over my body. Very soon, my consciousness rapidly intensified and as the stream sped me on, an ever-increasing clarity seemed to reveal all personal and collective memory, knowledge and wisdom. As fast as this immense body of intelligence was presented, it was realized, first as awesome, almost immediately became insignificant and then was left far behind in irrelevance. After a few moments of traveling and getting the impression I'd been transported far from Earth, I felt myself slowing down in the stream (as if the stream continued at the same speed but with lessening energy) and as this happened, I became aware of a message "coming-down-to-me" to the effect that-IF I WERE TO CONTINUE, I MUST AGREE TO DIE. I received the unmistakable impression that I was being offered a choice from some external, cosmic intelligence...to live and return now, or to accept earthly, physical, permanent death and continue this journey to the unknown. Without hesitation, and in fact without losing a great deal of my ecstatic feeling, I generated a clearly conscious YES...and accepted death (4). With this, my speed again increased in the stream and I traveled even longer and further than before without much change in my condition. At some point, my self-conscious awareness began to be superceded by a radiant sense of cosmic awareness, which seemed to approach the absolute. I recall a blazing light starting at my feet, and in a relentless rush, coursing up my body, annihilating my physical substance (kindof like a Fourth of July sparkler consuming itself) and when it came to my head, (still speeding in the stream) all form and consciousness, in a kind of slow-motion burst, transformed the last trace of my physical or conscious "self" into a dazzling, expanding, gigantic light. As this rapidly expanding "I" was thrown out free by the stream into a cosmic void where "I" almost immediately became joined with a cosmic entirety in a state of absolute, ecstatic equilibrium...a separate but joined, immense, dazzling pure light of cosmic awareness. (The impression I have which may not be accurate memory of this particular instant, but something I conceptualized later during recall, is that "I" was in union with infinite cosmic forces; "my" light was white, intense, immense but finite as "I" was aware of its outer limits; there was the feeling that there were other similar systems "out there". There was in this cosmic ecstasy a dimension of cosmic family love (5) and it was infused throughout this infinite system.
This state persisted for some time- then "my" light started to retract.
quickly coalesced and I became aware of a process reversing. As my light
diminished and dim consciousness started to return, "I" rushed from space, was
picked up by the plasmic stream and sped back on a return journey. Now all
cosmic presence disappeared; I had an almost sleepy consciousness but was fully
aware once again of my body with arms crossed rushing with the stream (feet
first this time) and aware of the rushing sound and pleasant feeling. The
sensation at this point was not ecstatic but more one of total, rather euphoric
satisfaction and not sure or particularly concerned where I was going. Again
cosmic intelligence came down to me; more like a calling after me, that, I WAS
RETURNING, THAT DEATH WAS ONLY TEMPORARY. Near overwhelmed with the magnitude of
this blessing, I hurtled down with the stream but soon felt my first slight
anxiety, that after all this miracle, I might not remember. Several times during
the descent I "asked" that I (be permitted to) remember after I returned..."let
me remember, let me remember". As I became aware that I was nearing the end of
my journey, just as I neared the end of the stream, there was a flash cognition
of the following scene: The open end of the stream was surrounded by a kind of
separate entity; a filamentous, fallopian tube-like form (6), with a funnel-like
opening at the top somewhat enclosing the end of the stream. It's consistency
ranged from near-invisible, to filamentous to where the stream shot me out and
it increased in density and consistency to become a rather pale-brown tapered
tube as it uniformly narrowed and formed several turns to where it was connected
to the top of the head of what appeared to be the body of a small, brown
"dormouse-type" creature lying on a "platform" some distance below. As I shot
from the stream into the funnel end of the tube, I felt my shoulders and the
rest of me slip smoothly and exquisitely, comfortably down the opening and in a
split second my whole body had shot snugly thru the tube (diminishing in size to
conform to the narrowing of the tube rather than deforming the tube) through the
top of "my" head- injected into the matrix of "my" sleeping body and swelled up
quickly (as if I were the air which filled "my" body like a rubber beach toy)
tight against "my" skin. At no time during the entire return journey did I
envision that "I" had a human identity or that there was a phenomenal world that
I was returning to, except that "I" was injected into the unrecognized object
described. The whole process of slipping thru the tube took only a fraction of a
second but evoked an immensely pleasant rush of that feeling you get "coming
home". I was instantly asleep in my body. Early that evening I awoke and
remembered nothing of my journey but the next morning, after a full night's
sleep, I remembered all I've described here.
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes virtually every feature consisted of happenings I had never read about or imagined as I was in an almost completely naive state regarding transpersonal events, meditation, religious experiences, etc., etc.
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Uncertain Unless my orgasm had raised my blood pressure to a near-fatal level that I was unaware of.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? From moment I entered the energy stream until started to exit the light
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain: From the time I was caught up in the "stream of energy" until the beginning of my return journey, my consciousness was in a hyperstate of "cognitance". On my return journey I was in a euphoric, almost mindless state and with no memory of a phenomenal world. (Except I did ask to be "allowed" to remember which suggests that I had some memory of some sort of individual ego.)
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? Uncertain Other than the vision of the energy stream, warp-speed visions of an infinite encyclopedic summary of "past-life" and "all knowledge" and the all-embracing light, the feature I most clearly saw as an object was the "filamentous tube" which I slid into and thence into the top of my head.
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
Uncertain As I entered the stage where I felt enveloped by an electric-like field I was aware of a moderate level of a rushing noise like being near a waterfall or river rapid. During my entire journey in the energy stream I don't recall sounds other than the two times the "voice" spoke to me which really was more an injection directly into my consciousness rather than a sound.
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience? exhilaration, awe, infinite love, euphoria, some apprehension in not remembering
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? Yes I passed through a slot that opened up for a microsecond in the dark field and was instantly in a stream of energy whose diameter was just large enough to accommodate my body.
Did you see a light? Yes when my physical body was consumed from my feet up- when the process reached my head I became and joined an infinite body of light
Did you meet or see any other beings? Uncertain
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? Yes Happened too fast to remember any details whatsoever
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? No
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes My life review and the presentation of all knowledge and concepts of reality went by so fast I remember no details however after that things seem to happen at a normal pace until I became one with the light. No sense of time in the light. On return journey time came back to a sense of normalcy.
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes But after it was presented it immediately became irrelevant so have no memory of any details.
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain While within the light I sensed "other similar systems out there" although this may be an idea conceived after I "remembered" the entire episode.
Did you become aware of future events? No
Other than this experience presented a synopsis of what may happen after my physical death.
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Uncertain I've had some paranormal experience both before and after the experience described in my website http://www.geocities.com/maya-gaia/transpersonal.html
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes With my girlfriend with whom I had my orgasm. She was interested but not profoundly impressed.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was definitely real Felt I had experienced a unique blessing...to have cosmic truth revealed to me...then only months later did I begin reading and researching to see if I could get any confirmation that others had experienced similar experiences
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? The knowledge that my ego consciousness may join a cosmic God consciousness at my physical death and that the whole episode was spontaneous and unique to anything in my prior experience or knowledge and then to find out later that many of the features were so similar to archetypal accounts reported by researchers of OBE.
How do you currently view the reality of your experience: Experience was probably real Must say I view my and other's OBEs as fragments of a cosmic reality that our human minds can only partially accommodate. Like scientific notions of reality
we can only come up with the best attempt at explaining things. That we probably can never arrive at a clear unchanging model not only because it is
infinitely quantum in nature but because it is always evolving. In regards to whether I have absolute faith in the message I receive that I will become one with God whether temporarily and then reincarnated or for all time (which seems lonely) I must say I do not. It certainly has provided me a high optimism thatdeath is not the end.