Dorie C's Experience

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Experience description:   

I was 21 and a friend gave me a ride up to a big all weekend bikers rally out in the bush, so I could be with my boy-friend of the time who was already there. I wanted to give him a surprise.

When I got there, I started drinking a lot and I had some sleeping tablets on me which I took as well. Anything for thrills and spills at that time. The alcohol was a mixture of strong spirits like port, whiskey, had a nickname 'anti-freeze', which the guys had called it because it made feel warm in the cold outdoor weather (didn't know about alcohol cooling the body down after initially warming it up, back then). 

After a while, I began to feel quite drunk and very sleepy. I decided to retreat to my boyfriend's tent. The party was getting really loud, lots of people yelling, laughing, drunk and generally pretty disorderly. I recall that I did not feel too good and did not want to look like I didn't feel too good in front of all these hardened bikers. I just wanted to feel unwell in the privacy of the tent.  

When I was inside the tent and lay down, I really started to feel bad. My body began to shake uncontrollably and I had a sleeping bag around me. I didn't feel cold. The shaking went from that to outright convulsions and all the voices and noise which was directly outside my tent began to recede. It was like they were all a long way from where I was. I was very frightened. It felt like my body was trying to shake my essence or soul out of my body or like my essence or soul could not bear being inside my poisoned body, could not reside there. I thought, I'm going to die. I was terrified not just because I thought I was about to die, but I was going to die drunk and with a heap of pills inside me. I believed in God and I believed in the judgment but that had never stopped me from being foolish. If, I die, I thought, I'm going to die a sinner and go straight to hell. I began to pray earnestly for God to forgive me for what I had done.  

I cant remember how much time had passed in this entire event. It may have been anywhere from half an hour to an hour. But suddenly, my body stopped convulsing and the noise was far in the background and the tent felt full of God's presence. I knew he was there and he was communicating with me. I also 'knew' my  grandmother was there. she had died about 5 years previously. But I knew she was there and I knew there was more than God's presence in the tent.  

His presence firstly, filled me with peace. I knew I had come very, very close to passing from this life into the next. I knew I was still sitting somewhere on the fence between this life and the next life. And it struck me how God saw me. He did not see a terrible wicked sinner. I saw what he saw. A very little girl who was frightened and who he cared for deeply. His spirit felt unbelievably ancient, awesome in wisdom, authority and compassion. Nothing of this world and its insincerity, lost-ness and carelessness. He was Living Authority, Living Wisdom, Living Power and he was full of concern for my wellbeing. Granted I had been foolish but that did not stop his love for me. The overall theme for me was this being was my true heritage and knew me better than I knew myself. In fact, I had NO IDEA who I was. It was awesomely intimate, this understanding. I remember knowing that this had been the most intimate encounter I had ever experienced (and to this day, that remains true) of something closer to my true identity and purpose for life. I was awed by the Holiness of this love, by the truth and the strength of it.  

Eventually, the presence seemed to recede. And I was stone cold sober, straight and alive. I got up and went back to the party. I walked around like someone who had just come back from the Hold Desert. I suddenly saw how lost, ridiculous, sad and pathetic all of these people were. I understood that life is just a short, short journey and that most people spend it running away, being lost. I had been in awe of these guys before the experience. Now I felt deeply for them and saw straight through the drugs, the womanizing, the booze and all of that. They were desperately lost.  

There was one guy in that group of people who seemed different from the others. Quieter, more reserved and honest. I later found out that he himself had had an NDE a few years back where he was hit by a truck when out riding one day. He'd had the full experience of OBE, a tunnel, the light and he had been told he was to return because he had a purpose to fulfill though he didn't know what. I had not had that experience. I was just given an understanding that my time had not come.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes,    I did not have a classical NDE.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      I had been drinking mixed alcoholic drinks and popped a number of sleeping tablets. My body went into convulsive-like shaking. I had a strong feeling I was about to die and that my very spirit was being shaken from  my body.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    After my body stopped convulsing.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            The only way I can explain it is like this: it was as though my spirit, rather than my body was at the fore of consciousness. I was not relying solely on my five senses but rather the genuine essence of being. I was completely vulnerable, no facade, no pretense, just direct communion with God.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  No      

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     The physical environmental noise became distant background noise even though the party was happening right outside the tent I was in.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Awe, peace, love, reverence

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Uncertain      I felt strongly that my grandmother was there in spirit.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes
            I am unable to say how long the experience was. Time did not seem to matter.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes     I knew that life was a journey from somewhere to somewhere, just a short journey. I knew that this life is not all there is. I knew that most people, including myself, were lost.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain      I knew I was on the precipice of this life and the next life. I knew that if I passed on, I would come to understand who I really was.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Uncertain      I had already had a certain gift for empathy, I think the experience strengthened it. Later I began to have profoundly prophetic dreams and very oddly, I often know  when someone is ready to die and have quite often visited dieing people I know on the very day of their passing. I also have a a healing gift which weirdly, I have only recently began to use. My hands become hot as though a current runs through them, I use it on my patients sometimes to relieve pain. I have used it on my mother and children too. I often sense the presence of spirits, have seen one and sometimes spirits call my name or make their presence known to me in some way or another. I am reluctant to call myself a psychic or anything like that; I have known too many charlatans and people with poor boundaries who use such gifts as though for fun and that scares me.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I told a woman I lived with at the time, a few days later. It's difficult to gauge what she thought. She tried to be supportive but I don't think she thought I had had anything more than some weird drug experience. They guy who had had an NDE understood me completely even though his experience was different.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes     I had read about them and no it didnt affect me. My experience was nothing like what I had read about except that God communicated with my spirit thus words, as such, became unnecessary.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            That God saw who I truly am and knows me better than I know myself. That God cares  for us profoundly.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real
            Time has dimmed the power of the experience but not the fact that it happened. I can not remember how long it took or the exact feelings I had. I remember that I had been deeply moved to a new understanding of life as being transient.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real
            It really happened. The impact of it has faded. I still worry about the bills and survival. I have still done foolish things. I have never stopped believing in God but belief in that reality and EXPERIENCE of that reality are very, very different  phenomenon

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Uncertain
I think it made me a more serious person. A lot of people don't understand why I'm so serious. They get annoyed with me, but I don't like superficiality as much as I may have if I had not undergone the experience.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        Writing about it shames me into admission that even though I think the experience might have deepened my character and made me a more serious person, I have not reflected on it or strived to be in that awesome presence in my later years. I think this is for two reasons. The first is the immediacy of this life and its constant demands to work, pay bills, bring up kids, socialize and so on. The other reason is that I think if God wants to make himself felt, nothing in this world can stop him. Actually there is a third reason. I'm a human being fraught with human frailties. The love of God is not of this world. This world is blind and dead to the reality of God. Religion is a means not an end. Humanly speaking, the world is constructed for the senses and the pleasures and rewards there-of. That is not necessarily a bad thing in itself but the reason we are so lost is because we do not fully realize the transience of material being. This is beyond mere philosophy which still involves the ego and thought-processes. Our true identity and being is in communion with God. It is as simple and profound as that.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Uncertain      I have explained the best I can.

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire:
            Are there other people with experiences like mine that you know of?