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Darian Q's Experience

Experience description:   


As a young child I lived an experience that has similarities with an near-death-experience. But my health was excellent and the circumstances normal. I was in no danger. I experienced a new intensity of life, in my conscious body, without nearing death or a passage into a beyond through meditation. I qualify this experience as 'imminent life', as in comparison to that moment, our usual daily life is synonymous to death.

On that day, I was about five years old, sitting in school during catechism. At that age, no risk having smoked a joint before class, I didn't even know that it existed! My classmates and I were in class and listening to a lady speaking to us.

At a certain moment my attention went to the left towards our lockers. In order to tidy his belongings, each student disposed of a wooden case on the wall, with the whole of it forming a kind of large shelf made of individual cubes. In my cube I saw a ball of golden and bright light. It seemed so dense that its golden color took in places a darker aspect. Its rays swirling around themselves where multiple, but visibly distinct from each other by this darker tone separating them. The light seemed controlled in a way that no ray was escaping towards the surrounding things, like a lamp would have done. This setting wasn't trivial; it would soon become explicit.

Calmly I thought by myself that this light was supernatural, and that it probably was the manifestation of a divine presence, but that this visit after all was quite logical, as we were being told about God. I had the impression that this revelation was a personal chance. But I had not the time to linger on this subject, nor to try to know if the others saw the light also. So after my deduction it seemed normal to me, not to keep interested anymore in this, and to concentrate again on the words of the catechist, as you would do after the arrival of a latecomer. I even noted by myself, that having divine powers, it would beat everything having missed the beginning of the lesson! I was wrong, this presence wasn't too late, the moment was selected, as the lady would soon say something important.

However turning anew towards the lady talking to us, I didn't miss that the surroundings seemed foggy. Not that there was some smoke around, but simply like turning your head, eyes open without concentrating to see something specific. It was this detail that made me think that something unusual was happening, and not because I saw a supernatural light!

The Catechesis now primed the sight of this light and the rest, which was now considered secondary. Of the words from the catechist I only remember one thing, she asked class what ideas we had, for being thoughtful towards our loved ones. At this period my small sister and I had the same craze for one of our toys, which I as the older one kept controlling. Letting her use it for once seemed to me an obvious answer to this question.

With this thought, a joy, the strongest I ever felt in my life, occurred spontaneously, so much that I wondered, how thinking the opposite as usual, could make me so happy. It was a pure joy, overflowing joy, so intense, that ignoring it just for an instant could not have been possible. Like jumping high after a goal in soccer, I had to express my thought and its feelings immediately one way or another. So I would have done anything in order to be able to answer the question. From then on I lifted my hand frantically in the hope of being heard, while at the same time trying to find a logic about this contradictory emotion.

It was bewildering and difficult to understand the origin of this sudden joy, except that it was bound to the fact of giving. This involved a logical notion of love, but my love or affection towards my sister was not exaggerated. I simply felt an incredible joy, that made it imperative to act accordingly. An absolute need to act, as one would with any other strong emotion, felt at its paroxysm. But here I was the more caught by surprise by an emotion that I didn't expect, whose intensity and motivation were considerably in contrast to my normal habits.

After having been allowed to speak, (not needing to climb on top of my desk), and having been able to express myself, I could try more calmly, to understand what was going on. In front of the lack of understanding and the intensity of this persistent emotion, that I felt myself not being capable on my own, I concluded that it was maybe the joy of the light ball, and not my own. I then looked another time towards my case, but the light had disappeared, what confirmed my thought that it probably entered into me. But without this being obviously shown to me afterwards. Except years later when finding in a box an old exercise book. I had been drawing the toy in it and on top of it somebody had written the following sentence: 'The light of Saint Vincent is shining in my heart'. Probably the catechist had been writing this. Why St. Vincent? I don't know. It's like my questioning during the experience, where the answers had to be concluded, and not given passively. My search still continues even today!

I also remember having been once more bewildered during that experience, in concluding that the joy could belong to the light ball, as this indicated that somebody whom I didn't know, was loving my sister intensely. As I was thinking: 'I'm every day together with my sister, how could I have missed somebody, who could love her so much, that he would rejoice for her?' All this questioning was done intellectually, like if you do something inescapable but all the while thinking about something else in the same time. Or when you get unnerved, while thinking at the same time that it would possibly be better to calm down. But emotionally I was all in this joy.

I have no memory of the way this experience ended. Nor about the reaction of the lady or of the other children in looking at me or listening to me. Nor if it had had any consequence in the near future. Finally, I considered as a conclusion of all this, that God existed and that I had a personal proof about it. I didn't necessarily think that I had been in the presence of God, but I was convinced that it concerned him. So I was glad to be able to satisfy myself about the universal curiosity on the question of his existence, and didn't think about it anymore. The world was waiting for me to discover it, and while growing up quietly I had no reason to challenge myself. I didn't suspect at all, that this experience would end up by influencing myself considerably in the future.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?
   No 

Was the experience difficult to express in words? 
No     

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?            The state of highest lucidity is difficult to define, as the experience happened while in body, without a conscious change of faculties, but creating questioning and lack of understanding. I rather had the impression of loosing lucidity progressively, because I didn't understand anymore what was happening!

The state of highest consciousness was the moment of the explosion of joy in me. This joy was so intense, that even while feeling it, I didn't think myself being capable on my own.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal
    At no time during the experience had I been in danger, nor left my body, nor lost my senses or intellectual faculties. But my lucidity during the experience was no more the same as usual, to the effect that I wasn't interested in the same manner in my surroundings. What pupil in class, seeing a supernatural light, would just look shortly at it, so not to miss the catechesis? :)

Its the scale of importance of what is familiar to us that changed.

This allows to suppose that some of my personal reflections during the experience, had been inspired to me. For example, that the manifestation of a divine presence was normal, and needed no agitation. Even if my logic as a child about this presence (being interested what was told about God and having missed the beginning) was probably not the correct one!:)

My impression during the experience was, that at no moment I was explained what happened; I had to understand on my own. Indications were given during the experience, so that I would understand certain things, by my own means of usual  consciousness and lucidity. The scene of the ball of light in my box for instance, then helped me to deduce what happened in me.

The joy that I was aware of, was of an intensity that I never had experienced in my daily life, not before nor after the experience. If one part of my consciousness was modified during the experience, another part was undeniably helpless about the change!

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.  
My vision was normal. However it seems that I wasn't using it with the same attention as usual. What I was seeing around me was out of focus because I wasn't sufficiently interested to concentrate upon. Exactly like when you turn your head calmly, with the eyes open, without wanting to see something precisely.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   Hearing completely normal. I didn't hear any unusual or supernatural sound. In my memory, the only person speaking was the lady that displayed catechesis.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  
At the idea to give a toy to my sister, the strongest joy ever felt in my life occurred spontaneously, so far that I wondered, how thinking the opposite of my normal habit could bring me such joy. It was a pure joy, overflowing joy, so intense that it would not have been possible to ignore it, even for an instant.

The other feelings were not of an emotional kind, but intellectual. Multiple questions about this sudden, intense, emotional change, put on hold by the imperative to act in order to express it. Emotionally I was completely in this joy, and it was independent of my understanding, my will and my habits.

As the experience happened while in my body, in spite of my excellent health, feeling other emotions than this extreme joy, might have been difficult.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?  
No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes
    I saw with my eyes, a ball of golden and bright light. The size of a football (soccer). It seemed so dense that its color got a darker aspect in places. Its rays swirling around themselves were many, but they were visibly distinct from each other, due to this darker tone that separated them. The light seemed controlled in a way that no ray could escape on the surrounding things, as this would happen with a lamp.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Upon seeing the ball of light, I immediately thought that it probably was the manifestation of a divine presence. The control of the light rays was also for a moment a matter of concern to me. Later, during the experience, in front of the incapacity to understand the origin of my intense emotion, I concluded that maybe it was the joy of the ball of light, and not my own. Also the bond of love connecting this presence to my sister, was one of my major questions during the experience. The progress of the experience in a coherence of facts, anticipating my questioning and inserting the corresponding answers, gave me the impression of being under the influence of a superior intelligence and power.

So this light that I saw seemed to me several times having qualities of a being in its own right, and not a simple bright object.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No
  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?
   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No
  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?
   No


Did time seem to speed up or slow down?
   No


Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?
   No


Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No


Did you come to a border or point of no return?
   No


Did scenes from the future come to you?
  No 


During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   No
  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes
   During the experience, seeing a supernatural light with my own eyes, while I was taught religion, was immediately a synonym of the confirmation of the existence of God. I didn't think necessarily that I was in the presence of God, but I was convinced that it concerned him.

The confirmation of the existence of God was my main conclusion at the end of the experience. What I didn't understand very well in my other discoveries, was relating to the complexity of his power, without the immediate possibility to understand more.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No
  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes
    During the experience, seeing a supernatural light with my own eyes, while I was taught religion, was immediately a synonym of the confirmation of the existence of God. I didn't think necessarily that I was in the presence of God, but I was convinced that it concerned him.

The confirmation of the existence of God was my main conclusion at the end of the experience. What I didn't understand very well in my other discoveries, was relating to the complexity of his power, without the immediate possibility to understand more.


During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?  
Yes   As it developed during the day, fully conscious, the experience in itself was a challenge for earth life! A supernatural joy to give, expressed in a face-to-face with the natural tendency of possessing. The result was a discovery: despite my questioning and my incompatible habits, this power was dominating. No contradiction was a problem during the experience. The joy was independent.

But this powerful emotional impulse would have been unbearable without a tangible means of expression. Because the action representing this joyful power, implying love, was the gift. To give. This was the difficulty, dependence and the test during the experience: Will I get to speak? Would they finally let me express this explosion that happened in myself?

So this experience was just like a challenge for terrestrial life. A challenge that was not explained but experienced! What we call personal trials and difficulties, not always have the negative importance that we often believe of them. In this light they have no influence anymore. The challenge of terrestrial life is to express celestial life. Our trials are obstacles put on our way for the revelation of this omnipotence! The limits of our individuality can be a theater for the expression of the power of love.

In general, class doesn't appreciate much to answer questions raised by the professor. Without the challenge of wanting to talk during the experience, I don't know how I could have expressed this overflowing joy.

This requires a distinctive judgment as there are individual barriers that are not intended to be crossed. Everybody has his own way, and the guidelines imposed on some, are not necessarily those of the others. The illusion is misleading because diversity of path doesn't imply  a diversity of possible destinations. There is only one destination for everything existing: self-sacrifice.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Yes
     As it developed during the day, fully conscious, the experience in itself was a challenge for earth life! A supernatural joy to give, expressed in a face-to-face with the natural tendency of possessing. The result was a discovery: despite my questioning and my incompatible habits, this power was dominating. No contradiction was a problem during the experience. The joy was independent.

But this powerful emotional impulse would have been unbearable without a tangible means of expression. Because the action representing this joyful power, implying love, was the gift. To give. This was the difficulty, dependence and the test during the experience: Will I get to speak? Would they finally let me express this explosion that happened in myself?

So this experience was just like a challenge for terrestrial life. A challenge that was not explained but experienced! What we call personal trials and difficulties, not always have the negative importance that we often believe of them. In this light they have no influence anymore. The challenge of terrestrial life is to express celestial life. Our trials are obstacles put on our way for the revelation of this omnipotence! The limits of our individuality can be a theater for the expression of the power of love.

In general, class doesn't appreciate much to answer questions raised by the professor. Without the challenge of wanting to talk during the experience, I don't know how I could have expressed this overflowing joy.

This requires a distinctive judgment as there are individual barriers that are not intended to be crossed. Everybody has his own way, and the guidelines imposed on some, are not necessarily those of the others. The illusion is misleading because diversity of path doesn't imply  a diversity of possible destinations. There is only one destination for everything existing: self-sacrifice.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes
   During the experience, love was not directly explicit, but rather implied. Only joy was manifested, but it settled on an obvious, profound logic of fondness. I was thinking in myself, still feeling nothing but joy, but considering that it didn't belong to me: 'I was together with my sister every day, how could I have missed someone who would love her to such extend, that he would rejoice for her?'

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   Yes
   During the experience I had been conscious about a conflict between nature and the supernatural. Between an unusual capacity of emotion, and capacity of usual reflection.

On one side, I was taken into a swirl of joy triggered by an idea, and not by a cause that itself escaped me. On the other side, I was overloaded between the imperative to act and the need to understand.

Cohabitation wasn't impossible, but the conflict arouse of the complete change of habit it implied. This duality, from that day, created an openness for a way towards  questioning the usual operating mechanism about terrestrial life. The desire is not to fall into paranormal, but to find the true order allowing harmony in ourselves.

I'm not saying that nature is bad, it was essential during the experience. I say that having been under the influence of a supernatural emotional power, whose effects created consequences, opposite of our daily natural habits, was disturbing. Like a king suddenly becoming the vassal of another one, and so losing a part of his usual independence. In this new hierarchy, he would need time to understand well, what he might be losing or winning.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes
   During the experience I was at the intersection of several influences. Carried along by a powerful emotion under a superior control, in front of the brotherly bond and the imperative to act. Nevertheless my joy was without cause, my master was unknown, my sister was absent and my understanding was disturbed. Then my global impression was to know, where do you want to get, with this half completed situation. To give, was the articulation of this sudden ebullition, but what could I deduce from it?

To define the intention of the gift, means having been introduced in a reconciliation that seems to me being a quest of universal intensity, and sacred. Considering the intensity of the experience, if it had been accomplished farther, I don't know if it would have been physically bearable for me. But I don't think that the level of intensity of the experience, had been the only brake on its limits. It rather involved the awareness that developed afterwards. When growing up I wanted to approach the intensity of those four dimensions.

The one, of power in material success.

The one, feeling loved by your loved ones.

The one, sensing a divine emotional power.

The one, seeing yourself under control of providence.

Each of these explorations of intensity can justify a whole life, as these dimensions produce their effect separately. But I surreptitiously tasted the four of them since, and together this is a new vibration. There is a vibration, a subjective rhythm for each intensity, but the vibration of all four together is a collective symphony. The only means to experience this quartet is self-sacrifice. Four flavors in the  plate, but one taste in mouth. To give, is the moment for the unspeakable sacredness, during which all that exists is set in motion.

Because giving, is forgetting yourself an depend on divine will.

Because giving, is a terrestrial challenge that needs a celestial power.

Because giving, is reacting upon the unconditional bond connecting us above.

Because giving, is acting in the material condition bonding us down here.

Unity of the four dimensions is the quest, and its a new vibration, of which the fusion center is our conscience! Enlarging ones conscience, little by little develop a liking of this union, is accomplishing divine intention. It is the fusion of God and his expression, to reflect Him fully. It's not trivial, a creator fusing with his creation, as it is beyond the fact of creating, its a time of accomplishment!

More than being for a time an image of God, the Creation.

More than being indefinitely ind Gods presence, the sacred union.

More than being forever God, the Creator.

Being God expressed!

During this fusion, all see what is getting lost in the process: cinder, combustible, and the mold. Existence is had, mistakes uncountable, and the creatures are dying. But few see the plan, the new taste, the vibration that comes alive secretly. What for us is a past to surpass, and for God the weight of our mistakes to be forgiven, making us give, leads to the incommensurable. Towards a completely new whole. The divine, space-time and beyond are approaching. Some will see the world shake before they became aware of their own evolution.

The true intensity of life is at that price, because its a matter of starting a fire, whose first sparks are the palates of our conscience! The appetite wouldn't  be a synonym of hunger anymore, but of tasting. The hungry person will put up, as a compromise  with food, the person tasting, is uniting them. Watch out, tasting without going astray, even towards the best of flavors, a new taste is still forming.

What occurred during your experience included:  
Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   Being at the age of about five at the moment of the experience, I had no particular belief. I wasn't in a logic of compliance, but of discovery, open towards every possibility. For example, when the light seemed divine to me, I had no contrary premises to oppose. It was simply a discovery in a daily existence that was made of discoveries.

My quality as a allowing me to have such an experience, was probably humility, together with the fact of not yet having experienced much, and still having to discover so much! A simple disposition to tirelessly learn about the marvels of life. What many adults loose when, with certainty,  they lock themselves in negationism. They refuse to marvel in front of the impossible, exhausted by a possible change.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?  
I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   The precision of this memory resembles other events at the time, that I remember despite the time. Of this rare memories the interior impressions are striking, like traces after an awareness in a special context. During this experience I was convinced because of what I experienced.

Today I can recognize these memories that marked me, as they go together with a personal conviction. Or a rough outline of conviction, an impression that aligns with other similar sensations, in various situations. It seems to me that with time, only  those memories remain in my memory.
  

My experience directly resulted in:
   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?  
   

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?      

     

Have you ever shared this experience with others?  
Yes
 

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No
  

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real
   When the experience started, I was in normal circumstances, in full daylight, completely healthy, in full possession of bodily means. My perception of the experience was sensory, emotional, and intellectual, so as one can do it at any moment.

The only elements likely to have modified reality, as per my knowing, and from my point of view during the experience, belonged to the experience itself. You have to understand, that even what I felt in myself, didn't seem completely personal to me! This duality was the experience.

Once the experience ended, what more or less was needed to convince me, that what I lived belonged to reality? I couldn't make more criticism after my experience, about its authenticity, than during it!

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real
   Its not the reality of the experience that I reconsidered later, but reality as it is confined usually. In the past I would have liked to believe that my memory was wrong, as its consequences were really hard. The only approach  of my experience, that would allow for considering it an illusion, would have been to consider my perception of reality as an illusion. But through this perspective the coherence of the experience was even enhanced! Its like seeing a flat horizon on earth, then from the sky seeing it curved, and understanding that it is round if seen from space.

Today it is reality that I consider being a relative experience. What I'm concerned about, what motivates me, influences me in my life, doesn't belong anymore to the classical limits assigned to reality. The reality of the experience became a reality standard, but is still not the real reality. That truth, I still cannot see, the point of view is too large. The absolute, is not having seen the horizon from earth, or sky or space, but would be to see it from earth, and sky and space.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   The experience and its consequences are influencing my behavior, of which depend my relationships. In general, the empathy of the experience invites me to tolerate every relationship, but the sacredness of the experience invites me to remain moderate in all behavior.

So I attended very different people, while keeping a distance towards their various habits. Over time it is a puzzle for the majority of my relationships, the more that those various company are often irreconcilable. But the mutual enrichment of our exchange is often beneficial. In many cases a bond is developing between us, above all circumstances and mentalities. And of course in my relationship as a couple, this is a quality motivating a sincere and profound love.

I'm never tiring watching people,  revealing myself progressively to those sharing my life, and to experience its twists and turns with a maximum of liberty.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes     As at the time I still had to discover everything about the world, my conclusion about the experience was to think, from childhood, that I had a personal answer concerning the universal question of the existence of God. My questioning occuring during the experience had been set in sleep mode. I didn't talk about them. I didn't think anymore about them.

But during adolescence these memories have been a strong motor for building self, even if this approach was sometimes experienced, like the consequence of an imposed past. If  a post-traumatic character can be put on the account of this positive experience, it is the fact that I tended quite young towards the mystical issues of life, not being able to escape it through negationism. Adolescence is not a period generally characterized by a psychological equilibrium, and this memory, even though positive, invited supplementary questioning.

The experience in its premises, finally endorsed the seriousness emphasized in religion, readings or events of my life implying that I had to mature inside, in order not just to exist, but to live. The point of transition between a past, during which I was believing without feeling concerned by my religion, and this brutal change of consideration, was the awareness of this irrefutable seriousness. Religion no longer concerned only people with their personal, relational or existential problems, but became a universal thematic.

This reversal of interest happened in a few days, and continued during all those years until now, fed by discoveries and concrete coherence. Its not that I consider that the truth could not be discovered without religion, but the teachings of Catholic religion have become for me a marvelous source of discoveries in self development.

The Catholic religion was no more synonym of moral, fables or rituals, more or less followed or misused by some or others, but the quest of a universal path meant by historical epics, symbolic accounts, and dogmatic values. Significations whose global coherence surpass the differences of the eras, the protagonists, and authors of this religion. There is the divine finger.

For example in following in my life the steps of Moses in Egypt, who contested the authority of a Pharaoh, established in desert with the liberated slaves who were crossing the Red Sea. This way I struggled with my mentality, withdrawn in the apparent aridity of spirituality, and saw the stream of circumstances being unbelievably favorable to me in this quest of inconceivable freedom. In that logic Jesus es the first-born of God, the first between us having achieved a path of life making man divine. It was announced since Abraham, realized since two Millenniums, followed by numerous testimonies, but we still promptly go wide!

This change of infatuation for religion didn't develop easily, and the memory of the experience was undeniably a motor. Several years had been terribly disturbed, my oscillation between interest and rejection was constant. For example, at the same time furious and amazed, it happened to me to listen during hours Heavy Metal and to read the Bible at the same time! :)

Fortunately in my case, adolescence and religion are two fields of activity about which society tolerates some difficult dithering.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Uncertain
   Influenced by the experience of my childhood, I little by little developed a relation with my body, that doesn't consist anymore in considering it as 'I'. A 'myself', by influence, but not 'I'. It won independence and so do I.

Inwardly, little by little I feel things differently, occupying this being totally at different levels of depth. When I do not feel completely under the influence of all those moods, feelings or thoughts, I happen to feel an independent emotional state. A quietness, away from material vagaries, whose exact origin escapes my understanding.

In this state of peace, I'm farther away from this body emotionally, and am not tolerating anymore being disturbed in this peace. My thoughts stop, calm gets physically tangible, the whole body undergoes the influence of an inertia that is dominating it for some time. Then an everyday event is finally taking over, and again I'm caught in the agitation of the moment.

Same as during the experience, the theme of this face to face in a being that seems to me collective, has become regular. The scenario is the same: an emotion, is influencing my attitude in a positive way, without me understanding the cause very well. And even without reaching the same level of intensity as during the experience, the effect remains puzzling. Its like being able to breath a new air, because it is technically possible at any moment, never mind what I do. Progressively in practice, I get the habit to 'breathe that way' more and more often.

Obviously it is logical that in looking for calm, I would finish being calmer emotionally. But the difference that I feel, is that my inner impression of distance concerning the circumstances, usually goes together with an unpleasant emotional passivity. But here, the access to a positive emotionalism, immediately makes holding this inner distance more pleasant.

These emotional states are often accompanied by a strange sensation in the upper part of the head. Its not at all painful, sometimes going with a feeling of freshness or warmth in the same place. When I was younger, I only felt the freshness, but henceforth there is sometimes a soft warmth.

One day when walking through a corridor of a railway station, I had this sensation during several seconds, much stronger.

In an advertising insert there was a painting of the merciful Jesus of sister Faustine, that I recognized, having seen it already. Looking at it for a moment I was surprised, because the glass protection distorted the face, so that I saw a Jesus crying. I had the feeling of a friend being in trouble, hoping for help in his gaze.

This situation in reply caused in me such a strong emotional impulse, that I had this sensation in my head as if it had started a process. The strange but not painful feeling, was like a continual upward swelling, with increasing warmth. I then thought at a light bulb, with its cold air in the protecting glass being heated up by the light that is spreading outside. This idea got me into a panic, because I was thinking that if the phenomenon got to its end, it would be impossible to hide it. The corridor was packed, I was surrounded by a crowd, I was intimidated at the idea involuntarily becoming the target of all those people. Loosing self-control by the sheer scale of the effect, that was no more emotional but quite physical, I was running away... What immediately stopped everything.

After having calmed down, disappointed of my behavior, I came back right away to look again at the painting. It was in accordance with the original; this time no strange feeling. But I noticed that the poster next to me, showed a downward view of an individual, with his head exaggerated, and a particularly goofy look. This I interpreted as a rude but relevant criticism of my attitude!

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?
   I have one childhood memory of the time of the experience, that is very well representing the value that I grant the emotional power that I experienced.

With family we were around a private swimming pool during vacation. Playing around, and as I couldn't swim as yet, I walked along the border in the pool. My mother warned me, that I would be falling in the water if I would continue that way, but I answered no...

When going to the bottom, I calmly thought that I was in danger, and that there was now the time to think well! I was impressed, as the whole surroundings now seemed to be in slow motion, because I was thinking so fast. Analyzing my situation under water, I concluded that my father would be the one saving me, and that I should help him.

The most useful thing to do would be to hold one arm up, and to wait without moving, the hand being out of the water. Keeping this perspective, my complete attention consisted of holding this position without trying to save me on my own. Soon a prodigious force took me by the wrist, lifted me out of water like a feather, and settled me at the edge of the pool!

At the same age, this incident reproduced at the border of the sea, when we both walked on the beach. I stumbled at the moment when a wave hit us, and diving brutally into the water I lost orientation. This wave, going back could well have taken me with it. But my father never let go of my hand and lifting me, he put me back on my feet.

In the same way today I'm sometimes tossed around, like everybody, in the waves of circumstances. The vagaries of existence sometimes take me into depths that are submerging me. I really would like to always breathe in open air, but I'm not a mystical monk or a master of meditation, even less a Jesus walking on waters. My conscience hardly achieves to tend towards beyond. But I trust, and against too hard torrents, I calmly watch out for His Power. And I know that while growing, that power will be mine.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?
   Uncertain   My answers to the questions describe my actual point of view about the experience, but I cannot assert that it is a complete description. Because at no time I had the impression that I was explained something, other than by a notable anticipation of my reactions, that was structuring the whole experience from the facts. The control of this capacity of anticipation on the events was even going up into details.

For example, if after looking at the light, I had not been forced to turn my head again towards the lady, I would not have realized that I was under an unusual influence. Because it was the fuzziness of my view at that precise moment, that intrigued me, and not the presence of the supernatural light, which seemed quite logical to me.

So I cannot describe what the experience manifestly had to make me understand progressively, up to the level of what I understood of this experience. Its not that that I asserted that I was explained the Universe, but that I almost remembered nothing.

My subjective comprehension of the experience is developing slowly, and it is not a scientific way, but the personal approach of my life. The accuracy of my description, I'm measuring it in the evolution of my everyday life, that I cannot share here completely.

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?    Give the possibility to NDErs to come together, in order to organize together charitable work, with local associations.

Inform in parallel about the limits encountered by other scientific research, such as Quantum physics, Astronomy, Medicine, schizophrenia...  

People are suffering by not seeing the connections between their hopes concerning death and what they know from science, that apparently is omniscient. Yet from Darwin to the new Copernican revolution of dark matter and dark energy, science tends towards the object of your search!  What a stimulus in the evolution of an ape, as being connected to a second consciousness of a superior nature. What a potential in the unknown, is the major presence in our direct environment of matter and energy of an unknown kind.

Contributing to link what we know about death and what we know about life, is the stake of my testimony.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?                    Thank you for your questionnaire, it's  a chance being able to answer questions, and a precious help being able to learn from experiences of others.

Maybe you could improve the sequence of the questions, as often the answers talk about a reconciliation of what seems apart for us. Its reflection that is division, conceptualization. Comprehension is reunion, interaction.

For example, you make a distinction between the beliefs in relation to values and beliefs in relation with religious practices, with eight questions that separate them. But personally, the experience showed me that believing in religion is practicing values.

Its difficult to end divisions, if those that give evidence of a truth that is uniting, are keeping up separations. Its the same fear that coils up everywhere where it still can. People have so much fear, that those discoveries jeopardize their fragile daily balance, with a feeling of personal culpability. Even with those that readily speak about a superior being, infinitely loving and merciful, a defiance towards a divine authority persists. However to religiously submit to such an authority, invites at a plenary union, the one of the humble towards the All mighty.