I have a story of about how
my consciousness or spirit entered into my body. This happened back when I was a
child of around 3 or 4 years old 1970 or 1971.
I remember the very first instance of my life or at least the consciousness that I feel now and since that moment to this day. I remember nothing before this moment.
I remember being in a void of nothing but pure white. I could not see myself in anyway. Then I heard a voice, I can not say if it was with my ears or my mind. I tend to believe it was with my spirit which didnít really have anything but consciousness.
I heard the voice say ďItís time to go.Ē and I felt a longing to stay, but I also knew I had no choice and I felt tremendous love and reassurance and I felt my self or spirit being rushed away, laterally at first and then downward. I was falling at a great speed and I felt some fear at what might happen. Then my consciousness started getting filled with information. Looking at it now it would be like adding a new program to your computer. I suddenly knew my mother and father and the layout of my house. I knew I had a dog and a brother and that I loved to play in the sand. I started feeling warm and I could see a point far ahead of me that was getting closer and I again felt scared at what was about to happen. Then I heard or felt the voice inside me again and it told me ďDonít be scared, you have a lesson to learn here. We will be waiting for you when you are done.Ē Then my spirit turned from a belly first orientation to a back first position and I remember staring at the whiteness above me slowly fading into clouds and sun in the sky and then I looked over and down and could see a very small boy laying in a bed, he was white ( I still to this day do not know why I made this distinction of color.) The boy was wearing brown shorts and a multi colored horizontal stripped short sleeved shirt. He was just laying there unmoving and at peace. I suddenly accelerated and fell directly onto or into the small boy. I hit so hard that it seemed like the old spring bed actually bottomed out and then I opened my eyes. I was the boy and I remember sitting up and looking around at my new home and I looked at my hands and feet for a few seconds and then I remembered my mom and I just had to see her. I knew she would be downstairs sweeping the floor, so I walked to the stairs and carefully made my way down and found her doing exactly what I had thought. I said: ďMommy, I missed you.Ē She picked me up and gave me a kiss and hug and asked if I was hungry.
This description of events and the feelings that I felt as they happened to me has never for an instant left me from that moment. I can recall thinking about this time when I went to kindergarten and as a teenager and now as a 39 year old father of 2 and husband of 18 years. Every detail that I described is as fresh to me as the day it all happened. But every time I remember it I get the feeling that I was not supposed to remember any of it and that the memories of those events were supposed to be taken away by someone but they decided that it was better that I remember all of them EXACTLY as it all happened.
When I recount this story to my wife, kids, mother and now you, I find it impossible to put into words the extent of the detail of the scene and the emotions that I felt and how nothing has ever changed. I can feel myself falling into the bed as if I am doing it at this moment. I can hear the voice in my mind like a tape recording and I can feel the love and reassurance from who ever spoke those words to me. I actually get upset at the people I am talking to because I know they donít have any idea of how intensely I can recall all of this.
I am not particularly religious, I know in my heart that there is a higher being and that I need to show my thanks for the things I have been given. But I also know that he does not care if I go to a church or if I say thanks while I am taking a shower. I have always had the knowledge that I am here to learn a lesson albeit an unknown lesson even to this day. I also know that when I have finished this task set for me I will be able to return to where ever it is that I came from and for some reason unknown to me I really want to go there. But I know that I can not go until my lesson has been taught. Everyday I wish that someone would tell me what I was supposed to be doing here.
I am writing you because of the similarities that I heard you talking about on a online radio station. When you talked about how people felt the love and heard the voices and the sensation of being thrust around and being dropped back into their bodies, it all seemed too coincidental. I have been searching privately my entire life to find anyone who can describe the same kind of things that I experienced. I even started a bunch of Bulletin Board topics at different web sites. I never described my experience because I didnít want to influence any responders. I know that some people just say what they think you want to hear, others just plain make it up for some reason. I never found anyone with anything even close to what I am talking about. Most of them were just things like I remember my teddy bear or falling off a chair or a birthday party.
Is there a name for what I have described? Is there a group or web site of like minded people that I can connect with? I have an overwhelming need to share this experience with other people. But unless it has happened to you, you would never be able to appreciate how intense the emotions are and therefore I feel like I would be wasting my time telling the story to anyone but another person who has had these experiences.
I have searched the internet 100ís of times trying different search criteria with no luck. Any help would be great.
Please keep up the great work. I love hearing the stories of your work.
I donít mind giving you more information about my background or my life if you think it would be a good study case. I do not want to be named or published directly, but I would have no problem with you talking about it as long as my personal information was kept private.
Thanks for your help