During my 5 day seizure
study the only place I had for privacy was the bathroom. One night during the
study (which was torturous) I went to the bathroom to get away from
"lights/camera/action" and just sat on the toilet feeling very confused &
depressed about the situation I was enduring. I put my head in my hands & I
began to pray. I do not know whether my eyes were closed during this phase. I
felt a presence of overwhelming evil and "saw" an interior vision of what looked
like an umbilical cord...it was twisting, slithering and reddish blue. It was
getting larger and closer to me. I started staring at it wondering "what the
hell?" when it evolved into the face of "Satan." He was staring me in the face,
very close, and smiling at me, the most repulsive thing I can possibly EVER
describe. I didn't know what to do, but I knew I should cast him out in the
name of Jesus Christ, so I began to say out loud in a very authoritative tone:
In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, GET OUT, etc., etc. I had to say such
things over and over and I knew I had to mean it. It was AWFUL...I was very
upset. I do not know how long this lasted, but he went away before me and I felt
exhausted, as though I had experienced the most terrible challenge...a FACE
DOWN....that is possible. I then went back into the room and got into the
I had just
dozed off (so it seemed) when all at once I was in this "black void" that had
"circles" around it like a trachea, or like the exterior of an earthworm looks.
There was a hollow sound like wind and I saw a light way ahead of me. I didn't
feel scared, just "What???" When I looked at the light it seemed to "recognize"
me as I recognized it...I knew what was happening (as I've been interested in
this subject for YEARS but never thought I'd have such an experience.) When I
acknowledged the light it was as though I became sucked toward it. It wasn't
just light. It was EVERYTHING. It was a feeling...JOY. I felt JOY in the most
enormous sense of the word that can be described. I was bathed in this light
and felt as though I was turned wrong side out before it and it was the most
BEAUTIFUL feeling I can possibly possibly describe. I thought "am I dead?" but I
didn't care. Then it was as though the light cleared and I saw a "world" through
a sort of opening like a cave exit/entrance. But it was as though I had to pull
myself up and peer over the edge to see.....and what I saw, felt, smelled was
glorious. Verdant is the word that best describes what I saw.....I got just a
mere glimpse of what looked like the edge of a woods beyond the side of a
meadow. The colors were so clear...it was like a spring morning, very "new" and
green and fresh. The air was so clean. I still see it. All the while I was
looking at, smelling and feeling the freshness of this sight, I was overwhelmed
with the awareness of Love and the "consciousness" of all the people I know and
love who are dead. I felt surrounded by every organism I have ever shared love
with. "My cup runneth over" really describes the experience I was having. I had
a male friend I was very attached to die abruptly when I was 20 years old, and
have never been able to get over it. I thought of him first when I was peering
into the "hole" and was immediately aware of his "consciousness." I then somehow
got the message "now is not the time for you, but this is where it is" and I
withdrew, but have held this "knowing" ever since, that THAT is what will happen
and where I'm going.
I had three seizures during this 5 day study, and NO SEIZURE was
recorded on the EEG for the time during the above described experience.
the kind of experience difficult to express in words?
the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?
Uncertain I was "spiritually threatened" by what I experienced as "the
Devil" otherwise, I was being physically stressed for the purpose of pinpointing
what part of my brain my seizures are located in. (Temporal lobe seizures)
what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness
When I was looking into the meadow with the surrounding trees.
did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience
compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?
More consciousness and alertness than normal
your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was
different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please
When I was looking into the meadow with the surrounding trees.
your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect,
such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of
solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?
Yes I am nearsighted, and could see as though I was wearing my glasses
(maybe I was??)
your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any
aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness,
you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?
What emotions did you feel during the experience?
During the "devil" part I felt fear and anger, but during the Light
part, I felt pure joy.
you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?
Yes It was dark in the beginning, and pretty big....probably about 10 feet
diagonally. As light showed into it, I could see ridges going around it like the
bands on a drainage pipe, trachea or exterior of an earthworm.
you see a light?
Yes The light was dim when I first saw it, but when I actually "locked onto"
it, it became this dazzling whiteness with a slight tinge of yellow...blinding &
you meet or see any other beings?
Yes They were not physical....it was an awareness of their "consciousness."
They seemed to be out in the verdant greenness where I couldn't go, kindof like
they were around a corner where I couldn't see, yet I could "feel" them. I knew
them all & they knew me....it was as though I became aware of people & animals I
hadn't thought of in years and it was wonderful. It was communicated that I
would get to go there someday, but now now. It was like I was just being shown.
you experience a review of past events in your life?
No I learned that my past doesn't matter, and that I will be loved
unconditionally when I die. No, it didn't help me to live, but it relieved me of
doubt about what will happen when I die.
you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience
that could be verified later?
you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or
Yes I saw a BEAUTIFUL pasture lined by a grove of trees.
you have any sense of altered space or time?
you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Yes I came to know that I understand nothing here. That I live a fractured
life here...like a piece of broken mirror, and I just have to wait for it to be
over; that things here cannot change and it doesn't matter because this life is
you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
Yes I came to what seemed to be an edge that I could only peer over, but not
get up and walk on in. I didn't try to cross. I was agog. The "awareness of the
universe" experience overwhelmed me at the edge. I didn't even think about what
would happen if I crossed, as it was obvious I wouldn't nor couldn't. I now
believe I would have to "die" to go there.
you become aware of future events?
you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience
you did not have prior to the experience?
Have you shared this experience with others?
Yes I didn't tell anyone for several months. When I did, they just looked at
me and said very little. If they have been influenced, it is just that I am a
you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
Yes I have read many books on the subject, listened to guests on talk shows,
etc. The only effect I believe it had was help me realize what was happening
once I saw the initial light, thereby quelling any fear I could've had. Before
this, I didn't know for sure if I believed it.
did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it
Experience was definitely real I knew it happened. I know what I see and this
was a fact. I know it is real because of all the research that has been done,
and all the evidence of the experiences of others.
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or
significant to you?
most meaningful was the presence of the old boyfriend, but I realized during
that part, that there are people/animals I will be with there that I loved every
bit as much as him, if not more, and they me. It lessened my mourning for the
dead loved-ones a little.
do you currently view the reality of your experience:
Experience was definitely real I have no doubts that it was "real" and this
lack of doubt is upheld by abundant evidence, i.e. experiences of others.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your
Although I am "on vacation" from the Church right now, I know there is a God,
whereas I merely "believed" before. I must say, however, that I see less reason
to feel "guilty" or "obey" man's organized rules for being a Child of God.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life,
medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
have become very depressed since the experience, although I have always tended
toward depression. I had a heart attack 2 months after the experience and was
disappointed I didn't die. I've nearly choked to death on a carrot in a ditch in
New Mexico last year and was disappointed when I realized how close I'd come. My
life has not been fulfilling, and since this experience, I do not want to be
here. I see man-made injustices & oppression more clearly, and can do nothing. I
see no identifiable purpose for myself on this earth. I am a very eclectic &
knowledgeable person, but didn't fit here as a child, and still don't. Now, I
know there will be something that may explain what this earthly experience is
the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and
comprehensively describe your experience?
Yes There is no way better way to describe what I experienced, although
words are a very poor means of communicating it.