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Constance G's Experience

Experience description:   

During my 5 day seizure study the only place I had for privacy was the bathroom.  One night during the study (which was torturous) I went to the bathroom to get away from "lights/camera/action" and just sat on the toilet feeling very confused & depressed about the situation I was enduring. I put my head in my hands & I began to pray. I do not know whether my eyes were closed during this phase. I felt a presence of overwhelming evil and "saw" an interior vision of what looked like an umbilical cord...it was twisting, slithering and reddish blue. It was getting larger and closer to me. I started staring at it wondering "what the hell?" when it evolved into the face of "Satan." He was staring me in the face, very close, and smiling at me, the most repulsive thing I can possibly EVER describe.  I didn't know what to do, but I knew I should cast him out in the name of Jesus Christ, so I began to say out loud in a very authoritative tone: In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, GET OUT, etc., etc. I had to say such things over and over and I knew I had to mean it.  It was AWFUL...I was very upset. I do not know how long this lasted, but he went away before me and I felt exhausted, as though I had experienced the most terrible challenge...a FACE DOWN....that is possible. I then went back into the room and got into the hospital bed.

          I had just dozed off (so it seemed) when all at once I was in this "black void" that had "circles" around it like a trachea, or like the exterior of an earthworm looks. There was a hollow sound like wind and I saw a light way ahead of me. I didn't feel scared, just "What???"  When I looked at the light it seemed to "recognize" me as I recognized it...I knew what was happening (as I've been interested in this subject for YEARS but never thought I'd have such an experience.) When I acknowledged the light it was as though I became sucked toward it.  It wasn't just light. It was EVERYTHING. It was a feeling...JOY.  I felt JOY in the most enormous sense of the word that can be described.  I was bathed in this light and felt as though I was turned wrong side out before it and it was the most BEAUTIFUL feeling I can possibly possibly describe. I thought "am I dead?" but I didn't care. Then it was as though the light cleared and I saw a "world" through a sort of opening like a cave exit/entrance.  But it was as though I had to pull myself up and peer over the edge to see.....and what I saw, felt, smelled was glorious. Verdant is the word that best describes what I saw.....I got just a mere glimpse of what looked like the edge of a woods beyond the side of a meadow.  The colors were so clear...it was like a spring morning, very "new" and green and fresh. The air was so clean. I still see it. All the while I was looking at, smelling and feeling the freshness of this sight, I was overwhelmed with the awareness of Love and the "consciousness" of all the people I know and love who are dead. I felt surrounded by every organism I have ever shared love with. "My cup runneth over" really describes the experience I was having. I had a male friend I was very attached to die abruptly when I was 20 years old, and have never been able to get over it. I thought of him first when I was peering into the "hole" and was immediately aware of his "consciousness." I then somehow got the message "now is not the time for you, but this is where it is" and I withdrew, but have held this "knowing" ever since, that THAT is what will happen and where I'm going.

            I had three seizures during this 5 day study, and NO SEIZURE was recorded on the EEG for the time during the above described experience.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      I was "spiritually threatened" by what I experienced as "the Devil" otherwise, I was being physically stressed for the purpose of pinpointing what part of my brain my seizures are located in. (Temporal lobe seizures)

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    When I was looking into the meadow with the surrounding trees.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            When I was looking into the meadow with the surrounding trees.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     I am nearsighted, and could see as though I was wearing my glasses (maybe I was??)

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            No      

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Uncertain

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            During the "devil" part I felt fear and anger, but during the Light part, I felt pure joy.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Yes     It was dark in the beginning, and pretty big....probably about 10 feet diagonally. As light showed into it, I could see ridges going around it like the bands on a drainage pipe, trachea or exterior of an earthworm.

Did you see a light?           Yes     The light was dim when I first saw it, but when I actually "locked onto" it, it became this dazzling whiteness with a slight tinge of yellow...blinding & engulfing.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     They were not physical....it was an awareness of their "consciousness." They seemed to be out in the verdant greenness where I couldn't go, kindof like they were around a corner where I couldn't see, yet I could "feel" them. I knew them all & they knew me....it was as though I became aware of people & animals I hadn't thought of in years and it was wonderful. It was communicated that I would get to go there someday, but now now. It was like I was just being shown.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No       I learned that my past doesn't matter, and that I will be loved unconditionally when I die. No, it didn't help me to live, but it relieved me of doubt about what will happen when I die.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     I saw a BEAUTIFUL pasture lined by a grove of trees.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No      

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes     I came to know that I understand nothing here.  That I live a fractured life here...like a piece of broken mirror, and I just have to wait for it to be over; that things here cannot change and it doesn't matter because this life is temporary.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     I came to what seemed to be an edge that I could only peer over, but not get up and walk on in. I didn't try to cross. I was agog. The "awareness of the universe" experience overwhelmed me at the edge. I didn't even think about what would happen if I crossed, as it was obvious I wouldn't nor couldn't. I now believe I would have to "die" to go there.

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No      

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I didn't tell anyone for several months. When I did, they just looked at me and said very little. If they have been influenced, it is just that I am a "weirdo."

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes     I have read many books on the subject, listened to guests on talk shows, etc. The only effect I believe it had was help me realize what was happening once I saw the initial light, thereby quelling any fear I could've had. Before this, I didn't know for sure if I believed it.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    I knew it happened. I know what I see and this was a fact. I know it is real because of all the research that has been done, and all the evidence of the experiences of others.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            The most meaningful was the presence of the old boyfriend, but I realized during that part, that there are people/animals I will be with there that I loved every bit as much as him, if not more, and they me.  It lessened my mourning for the dead loved-ones a little.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    I have no doubts that it was "real" and this lack of doubt is upheld by abundant evidence, i.e. experiences of others.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           No      

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?           
Uncertain      Although I am "on vacation" from the Church right now, I know there is a God, whereas I merely "believed" before. I must say, however, that I see less reason to feel "guilty" or "obey" man's organized rules for being a Child of God.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        I have become very depressed since the experience, although I have always tended toward depression. I had a heart attack 2 months after the experience and was disappointed I didn't die. I've nearly choked to death on a carrot in a ditch in New Mexico last year and was disappointed when I realized how close I'd come. My life has not been fulfilling, and since this experience, I do not want to be here. I see man-made injustices & oppression more clearly, and can do nothing. I see no identifiable purpose for myself on this earth. I am a very eclectic & knowledgeable person, but didn't fit here as a child, and still don't. Now, I know there will be something that may explain what this earthly experience is for.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes     There is no way better way to describe what I experienced, although words are a very poor means of communicating it.