I will start with the dream, as that was my first memory of my NDE.

I was 15 years old and at the tail end of a very tumultuous and frightful childhood, filled with years of abuse and terror. I was, at this point, in a safe place but reeling with the effects of a lifetime of fear. In retrospect, I believe that's why I had this dream- I needed something to hold on to and this event changed me forever.

It started like any other nonsensical dream, leading to a scene where my brother and I were playing on a beach (we were born in San Diego). I went in to the water and was pulled under by an undertow- something I had experienced before- but couldn't pull out of it and began to drown. In the dream it was sheer panic, with my screaming (in my head) "I can't breathe! I can't breathe!" I was tumbling and fighting frantically until everything slowed down and there was this slow motion dialogue that went from "I can't breather" to "I don't need to breathe"

Everything got slow and was quiet as I started to float instead of fight. I then saw something coming towards me from afar, getting bigger and bigger until it reached me- it was (remember, this was dream) bubble leters that spelled GOD. I was not raised any religion and was fairly doubtful there was such a thing, but in the dream I wrapped my arms around it and was suddenly enveloped in this light- it was golden- and it was everything and nothing at the same time. There were no questions or answers, as if they weren't necessary in this place. Everything was perfect, warm, and loving in a way I can't imagine explaining in words. As I floated in to this magnificence, I was just as suddenly hurled back out of it and woke up on the beach, wet and screaming "why did you bring me back? I don't want to come back!!!"

I awoke in my bed a healthy 15 year old girl, knowing full well I hadn't died in my sleep, but knew with out a shred of doubt that I had just experienced death and the other side- I couldn't explain this rationally to anyone so I didn't try. But for me, it changed my life. From that point on I have never feared death and life itself became that source of magic I vaguely remembered from early childhood, before my innocence was shattered.

Fast forward about 7-8 years- I'm in college, dancing with the school company and I get injured before a show. The other dancers told me to go to this woman who does Reiki (I had never heard of anything like it) and she would heal my injury. Every one of them warned me that she would "see" something, and that it might be pretty heavy- not bad, just heavy.

I had my session with this wonderful woman and afterwards she said, "I saw something"-her first words were, "you were a child-no, an infant..." it was crazy but when she said "infant" I started to cry and I swear I knew what she was going to say! Basically, she relayed that dream to me verbatim! Two details were different- one, no bubble letters spelling GOD. instead it was a black, shiny thing that I embraced. The other detail was that I was an infant, and that was the key that unlocked this mystery for me. I was born via C section and was very premature- my lungs had not developed yet and I had "water in my lungs"- the doctor told my parents there was nothing they could do, they should baptize me and say goodbye as I was suffocating quickly. My mother told me I was completely blue when they saw me- I couldn't breathe.

I truly believe the dream I had at 15 was my remembering this experience from birth and my journey to the other realm. I also believe the dream saved my life at 15, as I don't know what cliff I might have plunged over had I not tasted the wonder and the love I had forgotten all those years.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Yes  

Was the experience difficult to express in words?....Yes....There are no earthly words to do it justice

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?....More consciousness and alertness than normal    When I was in the golden light....There was no fear, no questions, no pain, only love- only peace

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.    not sure

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.    not sure

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?    No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?....everything and nothing at once  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?....Uncertain....I think so, not anything vivid but I think so

Did you see an unearthly light?....Yes....It was clearly where I was heading

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?....I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin    there was a presence that took me to the other realm or light

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?....No   

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?....No....

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?....A clearly mystical or unearthly realm....it was just peaceful and filled with golden light

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?....No....

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?....Everything about the universe....There were no questions and there were no answers or any need for either

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?....No....

Did you come to a border or point of no return?....No....

Did scenes from the future come to you?....No....

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?....Yes....nothing concrete, but when I was there I knew everything

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:....Large changes in my life....The one change that has remained is that I am unafraid to die.

Over all these years I have lost that sense of wonder and fearlessness, and recently began visualizing my NDE and trying to summon the courage to live with out the fear that earthly existence brings. This is the catalyst for me to share this experience- I'm trying to reclaim the person I came in to this world knowing and have allowed to get mired in the drama of every day problems. I was to fly again, to shine again, and to live with that knowing, that gift that was given to me- it was a gift, that I have cherished, and am trying to polish by writing this now.....

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?    Yes     I became deeply spiritual and lived fearlessly for several years after

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?....Yes     I have dreamed or "felt" some major catastrophes before they happened

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes   8 years

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?....No     I had never heard of this before, nor the "light" that people talk about, which is why I held on to the belief that it was real- it wasn't imagined I had never heard of anyone telling this story before (at the time)

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:....Experience was definitely real    I believed immediately and never wavered, even though I didn't tell people- I knew for myself

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:....Experience was definitely real....I can't imagine feeling what I felt on this plane- it wasn't of this earth, I can't summon it with earthly senses

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?....Yes....I think I feel more alone, actually- like I can't read the same script everyone else is reading in this life

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?....Yes    It's just a knowing, with no doctrine, no religion, no leader

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?....Yes    if I get very still and quiet, I can feel the oneness and the universal life force, the energy we all share

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?    Yes    As best I can    

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?....Reading some of these stories has given me a sense of validation and a place in the world- I don't feel quite so lost