I was suicidal; I wanted to die.
I had decided to just will myself to die. Laying on my bed one afternoon I was just so upset I figured I could just close my eyes and never wake up again.
As I lay there I began to feel very cold, and I was unable to move. I did not want to move. I could feel my heart slow down and my breathing was so shallow, I was sure I could just drift off to the end of my life here.
I became aware of being pulled up through my head. I was pulled into a different dimension. I was not afraid or brave. I was not happy or sad. I just was.
I looked around to discover that I was in a very large gazebo. It was very large. and beyond the gazebo I saw the brightest blue sky I have ever seen. the blue is nothing that I could describe. It was very bright but did not hurt my eyes. I thought perhaps I was in heaven but was not sure because I believed that I would experience some emotion. I felt nothing.
I then noticed that around me were these cloud like forms all over the gazebo; most had white crosses above them.
I then heard a voice beside me explaining that the cloud like forms were the people that had been a part of my life. People that I was close to such as family and friends, and people that I had passed in the streets. every person I ever saw or interacted with were represented to me there. I could sense my family around me. I began thinking of the people that I love and was close to. the voice said that the people farthest away were people I was yet to meet. that If I choose to stay I would be a influence on their lives too.
I asked if I was in heaven he said that I was not but it was very close by.
He said that I could decide to go on to heaven or to go back to my life. He said that there were many more people for me to meet and to help if I should go back to "my life"
I realized then that I was above my own body. which looked like one of the cloud forms. I was still attached to the top of my head. He said I needed to decide soon as my physical body could not continue without me. and I had been away from it for some time. I did not answer him and just looked at all the forms in the distance.
He again said decide now. I then jolted back to my body on the bed. I was cold and fully awake. I don't think this was a dream. I do not feel like I had fallen asleep. I was fully awake.
My depression slowly
lifted after that. I'm always looking for the new people who come into my life
and think about what I can do to help them. I think that my depression was
healed by changing my thoughts from myself to thinking of others.
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes It seemed so unbelievable
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes I was given a choice to live or die
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? while I was talking to the voice
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
while I was talking to the voice
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? Yes vividness of the blue sky. how bright it was
the sound of the voice.
was so clear. like it was talking in my head as well as standing beside me
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
Yes I could hear so clearly that it vibrated in side of me
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience? curious, a sense of wonder. a bit amazed.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? Yes I passed through the top of my head
Did you see a light? No
Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes a voice. that answered my questions
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? Yes the gazebo just outside of heaven.
the voice said heaven
was close by. I sensed it too
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? No
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes I sensed that I had learned that some of us are given opportunity to leave our lives here and return to heaven. or choose to stay here.
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes if I had chosen to leave my life I would have pulled myself up complexly out of my body. during the event I sensed that I was still attached to my body
Did you become aware of future events? Yes
yes and no.
yes I became aware of
the cause of my depression. I became aware of how to get out of my depression.
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Yes I feel that I am more empathic of other peoples pains, and sorrows.