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Cathy's Experience

Experience description:   

I was suicidal; I wanted to die.

I had decided to just will myself to die. Laying on my bed one afternoon I was just so upset I figured I could just close my eyes and never wake up again.

As I lay there I began to feel very cold, and I was unable to move. I did not want to move. I could feel my heart slow down and my breathing was so shallow, I was sure I could just drift off to the end of my life here.

I became aware of being pulled up through my head. I was pulled into a different dimension. I was not afraid or brave. I was not happy or sad. I just was.

I looked around to discover that I was in a very large gazebo. It was very large. and beyond the gazebo I saw the brightest blue sky I have ever seen. the blue is nothing that I could describe. It was very bright but did not hurt my eyes. I thought perhaps I was in heaven but was not sure because I believed that I would experience some emotion. I felt nothing.

I then noticed that around me were these cloud like forms all over the gazebo; most had white crosses above them. 

I then heard a voice beside me explaining that the cloud like forms were the people that had been a part of my life. People that I was close to such as family and friends, and people that I had passed in the streets. every person I ever saw or interacted with were represented to me there. I could sense my family around me. I began thinking of the people that I love and was close to. the voice said that the people farthest away were people I was yet to meet. that If I choose to stay I would be a influence on their lives too.

I asked if I was in heaven he said that I was not but it was very close by.

He said that I could decide to go on to heaven or to go back to my life. He said that there were many more people for me to meet and to help if I should go back to "my life"

I realized then that I was above my own body. which looked like one of the cloud forms. I was still attached to the top of my head. He said I needed to decide soon as my physical body could not continue without me. and I had been away from it for some time. I did not answer him and just looked at all the forms in the distance.

He again said decide now.  I then jolted back to my body on the bed. I was cold and fully awake. I don't think this was a dream. I do not feel like I had fallen asleep. I was fully awake.

My depression slowly lifted after that. I'm always looking for the new people who come into my life and think about what I can do to help them. I think that my depression was healed by changing my thoughts from myself to thinking of others.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     It seemed so unbelievable

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     I was given a choice to live or die

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    while I was talking to the voice

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

            while I was talking to the voice

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     vividness of the blue sky. how bright it was

the sound of the voice. was so clear. like it was talking in my head as well as standing beside me

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     I could hear so clearly that it vibrated in side of me

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            curious, a sense of wonder. a bit amazed.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Yes     I passed through the top of my head

Did you see a light?           No      

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     a voice. that answered my questions

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     the gazebo just outside of heaven.

the voice said heaven was close by. I sensed it too

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No      

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes     I sensed that I had learned that some of us are given opportunity to leave our lives here and return to heaven. or choose to stay here.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     if I had chosen to leave my life I would have pulled myself up complexly out of my body. during the event I sensed that I was still attached to my body

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes
            yes and no.

yes I became aware of the cause of my depression. I became aware of how to get out of my depression.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     I feel that I am more empathic of other peoples pains, and sorrows.

I am better able now to feel more compassion for my fellow beings here.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I did share with my husband. He laughed at me and said that whatever works for you. He was happy to see that I was interested in going back to work.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes     I have read some books on NDE but I don't think at the time I really believed in NDE

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    I sometimes think that I dreamt the whole thing. but even now many years later I still believe I was at heavens waiting station.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            What was meaningful for me was that I learned I am not here to just serve myself. I am here to help others.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real            The expedited cured me of a terrible time in my life. I am glad that I choose to stay here I have been able to assist many people. and have helped them.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     now I believe that every person I meet has something to teach me or to help me in my journey. I also believe that I have something to teach them and help them along on their journey

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?           

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No                  

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes     to the best I could to explain it