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Catherine F's Experience

Experience description:   

Oh, my God!  I had almost finished writing you a long and detailed description of my experience when I lost it.  Boom -- it was gone!  This is the second time this has happened to me when I try to tell people this story -- it makes me wonder if for some reason my father doesn't want me to write about it!  I have told people the story orally, though, so...I don't know. 

Anyway, I will try again... 

My husband, two young sons and I were visiting my parents at their home one afternoon just prior to my father's death from skin cancer.  His physicians had informed him about three weeks earlier that there was nothing more to be done for him, and he had resigned himself to death. 

This day, we were all sitting in my parents' family room.  I am of Swiss, German and English extraction and come from a family that is very emotionally reserved.  We never spoke our love for each other aloud as far as I can remember, and were all quite uncomfortable with expressions and displays of affection.  This visit was no exception. 

As we sat there, it dawned on me that we were all just chitchatting away as if it were any other day -- completely in denial of the fact that my father was rapidly approaching death.  Then, as we stood to say goodbye, again it was just as if it were any other day and we'd be seeing each other again shortly.  It really bothered me, but I didn't know how to break free of my reserve and get real! 

As we congregated at the front door, my dad asked my husband to do him a small favor.  He wanted one of his potted orchids moved to a cooler location, but no longer had the strength to do it himself.  After my husband happily complied, my dad said goodbye once more and went to lie down in his easy chair in my parents' library. 

My mother, husband and children stood about in the driveway talking, but I remained in the hall by the front door.  As I stood there, feeling sad, I suddenly felt COMPELLED to go to my father!  I am not kidding at all -- it was as if some unseen force were MAKING me go down that hallway.  I almost literally felt myself being pushed from behind, as if by angels! 

I went to where my father was resting, hugged him, and told him that I loved him.  As he looked back at me, his body appeared gray and already dead, but his eyes!  They shone from his face brighter and greener than I had ever seen them.  All his life force was contained in them.  He said, "And I love you, too.  You know that, don't you?"  I replied that I did, and told him that one of my two sisters and I fully believed that he was but simply walking through a doorway, and that on the other side would be all his departed loved ones, even his childhood dog, waiting to greet him. 

I then said, "Goodbye, Daddy."  He responded, "Goodbye, sweetheart."  This was amazing -- all during my life, he called no one but my mother "sweetheart."  I then stroked his arm, looked at him one last time, and left the room. 

Twenty-four hours later, my father was gone from this world.  I feel that a higher power was definitely involved in our goodbyes to each other.  It provided me with a closure that absolutely could  not have been better.  I am forever grateful for whatever divine source was guiding me that day. 

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    I think I only need to say here that this was a "near end of life experience," which I read described on your website.  I hadn't heard of them before.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  The force acting on me to go to my father seemed both inside and outside myself simultaneously.  Very interesting!

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           Not applicable in this particular situation

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No.  I also didn't hear words at all; it was far more a knowing of what I must do.

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            No

Did you see the deceased?         No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        Probably about five minutes.  I acted upon being told to go to my dad immediately.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         Beginning was definitely sudden; the end was more gradual.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           No

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  Not applicable

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           This is hard to explain in words, other than to say that I felt compelled by something not a part of my consciousness to go to my father.  I then almost literally felt pushed down the hallway toward him.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I knew as it was happening that it was the most perfect thing that ever could be.  I took no personal credit for doing it; I was told in no uncertain terms to go to my father!

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

Absolutely!  There could not have in any way been a more perfect closure for me with my father.  It was complete and absolute.  I actually felt sorry for all the rest of my family members that they hadn't been able to say goodbye in the same way.  But I believe there are many things we on the physical plane are unaware of; those who were watching over my father and me knew exactly what the two of us needed.  It's beautiful.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      It was all perfect and beautiful, although it was sad to be saying goodbye to my dying father.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:      I feel so much gratitude that I was given such a beautiful gift in saying goodbye to my father.  I have more faith in life beyond this one.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
   Yes     More certainty of God's existence; more faith in what we cannot experience with our senses on this plane.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     I certainly felt that it was a supernatural occurrence.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            I felt, and will always feel, incredible GRATITUDE for the power that loves my father and me so much as to create what happened.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           Uncertain

Other members of my family were around, but they didn't know what was going on in my head.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Uncertain

I knew I had been guided and told what to do by a higher power; it was very real.

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Uncertain

Since my father died, I have experienced numerous signs I believe to be from him.  I don't think I gained any particular powers I hadn't had previously; rather, I just think that I am now far more open and observant than before my dad's death.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            Uncertain

The most amazing part of this story is the fact that an unseen power or force was compelling me to act.  I didn't meet or see them, but felt them nonetheless.

Did you see a light?           Uncertain

I had never before in my life seen such light as I did then in my father's eyes.  It was remarkable and memorable.  They shone with an otherworldly light.

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     Mostly positive reactions; some neutral.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       No, not really.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes 

Yes, only in that since my father's death I have experienced many events which would normally be considered "out of the ordinary."  Nothing occurred as a result of medications or other substances.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Yes 

Yes, I have experienced many what I would classify as spiritual events, both before and after my father's death.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

The opportunity to write in detail of the experience with no restrictions is the best part of the questionnaire. 

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    Can't think of anything right now.  Thanks so much for the chance to share.