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Cassie Z's Experience

Experience description:   

We had been doing an exercise at the Monroe Institute using the Hemi-Sync CD that Bob Monroe created for his wife, Nancy, called "The Visit".  While the guided meditation takes you into the beginning of an experience, what you experience once there is entirely up to the individual.   

I had followed the guided meditation walking along a stream up to the side of a mountain where I happened to see a door in the side of the mountain.  I opened the door and walked in to see my mother standing on the other side.  She told me "There is someone who wants to see you, I've brought him."  She stepped aside and I saw my grandfather I had adored as a child and lost when he died just before my 15th birthday.   

It was the first time since his death that I had seen him again and I was just blown away!  I was SO happy and yet, at the same time so sad and guilt ridden over the circumstances of his death.  The summer before he died, I had gone on vacation with my grandmother and her sister to visit a cousin in Northern California.  While at my cousin's house I read the book "Journeys out of the Body" by Robert Monroe and it scared the living crap out of me.  I stopped going on my out of body adventures with Grandpa and a year later he had his final stroke, lingered in a coma for two weeks then died.  I always felt guilty for not going out of body with him any more and thought it had something to do with his passing.  I was nearly 15 and for the first time I was scared. 

Standing inside the side of the mountain with my mother and grandfather I was told "It wasn't your fault, Baby.  It wasn't you."  My grandfather's words washed through me lifting the weight of the pain and guilt of 18 years!  I hugged him and held on not wanting to ever let go.  I heard the voice on the recording bringing us back  . . .  I didn't want to go back.  I SO didn't want to go back!!  I wanted more time with Grandpa and Mom . . . SO much more time, but I knew I had to go back.  My mother reminded me that now that the door was open, there would be other times like this, other reunions.  As I walked back toward the door to return, I took one final look back at Mom and Grandpa, and Grandpa told me "Now you're free to fly!"   

I spent SO much time while writing the experience down in my notebook, crying.  It seemed like the tears would never stop.  There had been SUCH relief!!  A TREMENDOUS weight had been lifted from me, and it had been SO wonderful to see them again . . . and yet, for now, it was over.  I would go downstairs and meet with the group and talk with them about this, and I would never again be the same.  What a gift!!!!

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No      

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          No      

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           Absolutely fully conscious and alert.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Not in the slightest.  It was more real than every day "waking" reality.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes     This is old news for me, old hat.  Easily done, and I don't waste time looking at my appearance once out when there's something pressing to be done.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Love, relief, sadness, the complete and total absence of guilt, like it had just been washed away.  I felt new!!

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           I heard the sounds of the stream I followed up the side of the mountain.  I heard sounds of birds along the way.  I heard the voices of my mom and grandfather.

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    No           

Did you see a light?           No      

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     They were waiting for me inside the mountain.  They were my mother and my grandfather.  What was communicated?  See above, but understand, it was FAR more than JUST communication . . . it was a healing.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? No      

I did not experiment.  I went to have the experience I was there to have.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?          Yes     I did notice how my senses were working and no, they were not appreciably different from being in the physical.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No      

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes     I knew that I was meant to continue doing this.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?             Yes     The doorway into the mountain.  I had no sense of what might wait for me on the other side of that door, but I knew I had to go through it.

Did you become aware of future events?       No      

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Yes     I was SO torn!!  I knew I had to come back but I SO didn't want to!!  I REALLY didn't!!

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Yes     Just one.  I kill watches now.  In fact, I had a curious experience regarding time on the way back home from this trip to TMI.  I had gone to TMI with my sister and she had felt a powerful need to go out of the terminal at O'Hare and have a smoke before our last connecting flight home.  We parted company half way down the concourse.  She had asked me what our departure time was and I misread the ticket and told her it was an hour later than it actually was.  I gave her my Winnie the Pooh watch to keep track of the time while she was outside, and I continued on to our departure gate with my carry on bags and hers.  I arrived at the gate and found out the actual departure time and they were already starting to have passengers board the plane.  We were SO toast and I knew it!!  I knew she had to be outside the terminal and wouldn't hear an announcement but I had to try and have her paged over the PA system anyway.  I then sat down and something told me to go to a specific altered state of consciousness I had learned to access at TMI, Focus 15 - the place of no time.  I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do once there, but I knew I had to get Nanci to look at my watch on her wrist, I also had to alter her perception of time.  Knowing nothing more than this, and certainly not having a clue HOW to do this, I simply got to Focus 15 and let the intentions go.  A few minutes later, she came running up the concourse, pointing to my watch on her wrist and telling me "Pooh stopped!!  And I think it's later than I think it is!!"  I told her she was quite right, we had one minute left to board the plane.  We barely made it.  Once we were settled in on the flight she returned my watch to me.  I discovered it hadn't actually stopped, but had started running backwards and continued to do so for the next half hour or so.  We both saw this.  Poor Pooh hasn't been quite the same since.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     Only about myself in relation to my grandfather.  The sense of guilt, rational or not, was gone.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       It hasn't really affected much about my outward life.  My near death experience had more to do with that, specifically in my career choices, but that's another matter.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes     My night life has changed since the experience.  When I was a little girl, Grandpa called me Little Wing, because I loved to fly with him (OBE).  I'm free to fly again.  You have NO idea what that means to me!!!

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I shared it with the other participants in the Gateway Voyage program at TMI right after I finished writing it down in my notebook.  I've told a few other people over the years as well.  I wish I could have shared this with Grandma, but she had already passed on 8 months prior to this.  As to their reactions, they varied.  The people in the program with me were blown away.  Of course, I started crying again when I was sharing it . . . it had just been SO profound!!

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  SO many!!  Relief!!  Love!!  Loss and yet, I recognized that I'd been given a truly precious gift.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Best part . . . hugging Grandpa.  Worst?  Leaving.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        Not that I can think of!

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No       Not even remotely!!!!

Nothing can touch this!!!

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes     You left me ample room to fully explain and the questions were good ones!

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    None that I can think of!