My mother was a widow when I was born in February 1963, only three weeks after my biological father passed away. I was told very little about him when I was a child, except that he was a good and loving man who was now "with God", "in Heaven". I do not remember exactly when but I do have a vague memory of making a strong decision to find him no matter what. I did not know where God or heaven was, but I was going to find out and I was going to meet my dad.
Later on in life I had this epiphany where I realized that every single thought I chose, every decision I'd made, with every breath I took, in every corner I turned and everywhere I ever looked, was in the hope of perhaps, hopefully finding him there. That's how determined I was.
I remember also as a kid, I was watching the movie King of Kings on TV and when seeing the scene of Jesus' Sermon in the Mount of Olives I felt so inspired by his Love that I thought to myself: "I want to be like him!". The moment I finished that thought it was as if I had sparkly bubbles up and down my entire body.. I will never forget that feeling!
This may seem irrelevant to a NDE that happened decades later, but is not. This background information offers a context where the NDE and its significance can be better understood for they are closely related.
Fast forward now to 1998, I then was married and had become a holistic therapist. All things seemed ok but I was deeply dissatisfied with how I lived my life. I had always done my very best to be loving and kind yet, every thing I did seemed to end up causing some type of suffering one way or the other.
Things got to the point where I did not know how to live any more. I felt I was a complete failure and fell into deep despair and depression. I would sob for hours and hours, praying to be relieved from such suffering, begging to be shown a better way to live. Everything crumbled fairly fast at that point and I was seriously contemplating suicide.
My wife and I separated, the deal I made to rent a room to move into fell through at the very last moment and I ended up staying with a friend who took me in.
Nothing, absolutely nothing had worked the way I intended it. Financially I was ruined and even thinking triggered deep emotional pain, as if I was being ripped apart inside. The only one thing I could do was to completely surrender my entire existence to God. And so I did.
My friend, the one who took me in for a while had an extensive library in her home and invited me to pick a book if I wanted to read something. I felt attracted to three books, one of the titles was "The Yeshua Letters" and it felt right to start with that one, so I did. In the introduction it says something like "let the words in this book speak directly to you". I was so humbled that I took that as a directive. And I was right.
As I was reading the book, it felt as if the words were truly intended for me. There was a "directness" about it I had not experienced before, even though I had read hundreds of books before this one. Heck! I had even a 'satori' months earlier while I was still living with my wife where I would simply look at a book and would know its contents and where it deviated from the Truth. All that without even opening it! But nothing could compare to this one book.
The events the author of The Yeshua Letters as he describes them in the book seemed to have a parallel with my own life, which gave me the sense that this book had been really intended for me. What was more fantastic is that I would have a certain experience during the day and then see it described in the book AFTER I experienced it! So, I was not making it up. This was happening for real!
As I was nearly unemployed and with a lot of time in my hands, I took the advice my then Reiki teacher gave me and whenever I had a moment I would sit and do nothing. I would not even tried to meditate... And that is when things slowly started to happen!
At times I would be sitting by the Rouge River near my friend's house and would "see" and fully comprehend that animals do not worry about anything at all and yet they have all they need. They are happy! My senses started to really become more sharp and alive when I would "just sit". One time I clearly saw a spider web way in the distance! Shining with different rainbow colors as they were barely moved by the subtle summer breeze.
I would usually read a few pages of The Yeshua Letters at night, right before going to bed somewhere around midnight but then, suddenly, I would find myself wide awake, invariably at 3:00 AM on the dot! That is when this same "Presence" that was "speaking" through the book, would "move" the body, gently rolling it out of bed, landing softly on my knees exactly where I had placed my small meditation carpet.. I would sit and do nothing for I don't know how long, in complete darkness, until one night a different "Presence" was felt.
It started as a small point of deep tenderness in the heart, and then this tenderness grew stronger and stronger.. the feeling was one of such a tender, warm, motherly Love! Tears started to fall but I was not crying.. It was at this point that I had my "life review". Every memory I ever had, every regret that had cause me to hate myself was being washed away in this incredible compassion and uncompromising Love! I knew beyond a doubt that this was the Presence of what we know as "Mother Mary". She untied every knot I had in my heart, purifying it and setting me free to "meet Her Son".
I was so relieved, I had not felt this much gratitude in my entire life!
I had entered a sacred space of such a profound and complete Peace that I stayed there for I don't know how long. Time was entirely irrelevant now..
I was so present that I could feel every organ functioning, the blood flowing though my veins and through the entire body.. I started "following" the breath as it became more and more subtle, almost imperceptible. My heart beat slowed down together with the breath, my whole body was falling into ease and complete, natural relaxation. Deeper and deeper all sense of strain dissolved.. until I felt the heart beating no more. The breath had stopped as well. Completely.
But I was totally calm. A cocoon had formed around me, I could feel it at different times before this, but this tine it was as if I could almost touch it.
I was sensing it all from inside of the body, but then when everything stopped I found myself watching the body from above it, as if I was observing it from the ceiling of the apartment. I saw the body just sitting there, like a piece of stone place on the floor. Nothing was moving. I knew that I, or the body rather, had entered into a suspended state at best.
The body was dead. But this is just the way it was. I had no thoughts or feelings about it. It was just a body, neither alive nor dead.
Next thing I remember was "feeling" a "buzz" arising from this Peace, a familiar vibration, a "Presence". The same Presence I felt or sensed while reading the book the days before. I had no doubt this was Christ. I call him Yeshua.
I could see Him, but not as an image or a shape the way we know shapes or forms, I could feel Its Light radiating everywhere.
It approached me slowly, and I could feel It was so entirely magnificent!
I knew the entire universe was under His complete command. No one will ever convince me otherwise. Is not a matter of belief for me.. There simply is no other Truth.
Without words and without sound this Presence whose essence I knew very well from before time existed and Who knew ALL about me, and knew EVERYTHING about every thing, asked me if I really wanted to die.. I thought: "I just want to go Home", you can not lie to One who knows you so intimately! And this was the truth, I did not want to die.
In response I felt a "pull" or a "tug" to my right, and turning my attention there, I "saw" Christ as the most indescribable, radiant, powerful, ever Divine Light Essence coming through an immense Golden Portal surrounded by infinity, and I instantly knew it was the "Portal of death". Christ was on the other side and I could feel Him inviting me to come to Him to where He was.
At that point I made a pause and kind of wondered what would happen if I went through that Portal, but then I realized that Christ, or Jesus was on the other side, but He was also extending His Self through and pass the Portal to reach me, and He was ok! The moment I realized that, I suddenly and swiftly went pass the Portal onto the Other Side. This was the most exhilarating aspect of the entire experience, because I had gone through Death and was still alive!! I cannot die!!!! I am immortal!!! Death is nothing but a grand illusion! YAY!!!.. I knew it!!!
The complete expansiveness of sheer JOY I felt at that moment cannot be put to words! Carlos was "dead" but I was more alive than ever!! Carlos never existed! the earth and the universe never existed! People and things are just baseless illusions! If they do not exist eternally, they are not real.. but I AM! I am Innocent!! I cannot die! The whole of Heaven was loudly celebrating and rejoicing with me on my arrival! I was back!!! I could "hear" heavenly bells, trumpets, angelic choirs, laughter and all kinds of happy, joyful sounds of infinite gladness for which we have no name here on earth because those things do not exist here.
I felt the unspeakable, all encompassing, unconditional Love of God for me. It felt really "personal" and because of its unconditional character is almost incomprehensible. To the point where I thought: "All this Love for me? Who am I? I am just a boy who grew up in a middle-lower class family, in a regular neighborhood, went to a regular school. I have no accomplishments. Never done anything remarkably special. I'm just a regular guy, a normal human. What I have done to deserve this? Is ALL this LOVE really for me?". The moment I finished that thought I was instantly "swallowed up" by this amazing Love. "I" was completely GONE! There was nothing but Love. No me, no God... just eternal, incomprehensible, indescribable, total, complete, absolute LOVE.
Oh, there is this thing is too but I just don't know where it fits in a chronological sequence because there is NO sequence, the moment I "died" I encountered an "automatic" choice. I could either come back to the same body, or I could choose a different one. This is part of the Perfect Common Natural Order of things, the same Perfect Common Natural Order that is My very Essence also, and so for Me it did not came as a surprise or a disappointment or anything like that.
Very quickly I assessed the situation and it just made sense to return to the same body and use it to "finish my business" here. It is amazing how incredibly practical the Soul is! To take a different body meant to "build" a personality and a psychological, physical and emotional state and frame-work all over again from scratch. This involves re-creating many experiences of suffering and pain at all levels for myself. But those things were still perfectly "useful" for the Soul's purpose of liberating the mind from the fear of death, which is at the very core of all the fears we know and experience here and we as Souls (and as people) want to heal/erase.
I "saw" or remembered rather, that each unloving thought we ever had, not only from this incarnation, but from previous lifetimes as well, leave like a "wave" in the "fabric of Reality". Similar to the wake a boat or a ship leaves behind as it crosses the ocean. This does not change reality in any way, it is just not natural, it does not correspond with our own Nature as we were Created, as the very Love that we truly are. So our own Nature, our Divine Will is to correct those meaningless thoughts. That's why we come back over and over again.
I understand that to be the true meaning of Compassion.
Another important point I've learned is that the Soul does not ever come into this realm of time and space, what seems to come here is just a tiny aspect of infinite Mind that still believes in separation, which is the source of all our fears. Including of course the fear of death, which is nothing but an effect of our belief in separation from all Life, from God, from Our One Self and from All there Is.
So, my experience of Heaven was rather "short" for what I recall. I did go straight "back to business" by creating my "future life experiences" before coming back into the body.
I remember using "Archetypes", "Patterns" and so on for different things in order to "build" the blueprint for my present/future life experience/s.
The 'past' I already had so I built on what was already there and had already experienced.
Family, personality, gender, mind set, nationality, historical time, I choose all those things. Furthermore, I would say that every single thought, emotion, feeling, sensation, choice, outcome, everything, and I mean EVERY THING we go through, even things we are not even remotely consciously aware of, it's all planned.
And to take things even further, I understand that all our life experiences, happen instantaneously and all at once. Here things only seem to occur in linear sequence but in Truth, our entire lives take place in the "blink of an eye". In other words, what is going to happen tomorrow, it has already happened. We always experience our past. Crazy, eh?
In any case, because I was so eager to free the mind from illusions and the need to come back I really loaded the "blueprint" with life lessons, tough ones. One of the reasons I wanted to come back to the same body is because in the great scheme of things, in the Great Divine Cosmic Plan this are times of great opportunity to free one's mind/soul. Somehow the year 2000 has a lot to do with it, it marks the end of a Cosmic Cycle, so I really wanted to take full advantage of it.
Because part of the "Blueprint" includes the collective as well as the individual, each time we, as individuals heal a fearful thought or belief the whole of Humanity becomes "elevated" together with us. We are truly one.
I often try to remember to send a silent blessing whenever I see someone suffering, no matter for what reason, because I KNOW he or she is healing his/her mind as well as my mind and the mind of the collective.
This is not meant to glorify or justify suffering, is just that with my NDE I learned that the Soul is at work underneath the suffering I see. They are learning a valuable lesson, and therefore so do I. The same is true whenever I heal.
Now, once I was done with the building of the Blueprint I was left with just a few lessons for my "next" and final life time.. that one will be a breeze! (laughing!)
In any case, once I was finished with the preparations, I sensed a Presence by my "right side". It was a Soul who had completely mastered the "Art" of building a blueprint and had the "Function" of helping other Souls with this task.
And when I say "another Soul" or "another Presence this does NOT imply separation in any way, shape or form. It is not different or separate, is just "distinct" but the same. There is no duality in Reality.
As I finished this Soul telepathically said: "It is a heavy load." To which I responded: " I will remember is not true." All this was transmitted with utmost Respect, Gratitude, Trust and Love. There was a very real sense of us honoring each other as One. And so off I went to what I could describe as a Holding Chamber that seemed to put some sort of an invisible buffer around me.
I guess I willingly forgot what I was intending to do, because suddenly and without any signs of what was about to happen I felt a terrible "pull downwards". It was the pull of terror. The terrors of being completely alone, helpless and entirely destitute. Which are, needless to say the 2 greatest lessons I am here to learn how to heal.
This 2 main terrors of aloneness and destitution were felt together with the pull downwards. I felt as if I was in the eye of a furious whirlwind of fast really fast images (of future experiences) accompanied by a deafening noise, as if under an enormous, gigantic waterfall. That was my NDE experience of being in a tunnel.
And then suddenly, I was back in the body, which felt like a lousy, loud internal THUMP!
I was so very disappointed and sad!! But I recuperated very quickly thanks to the blessings of Acceptance and the fresh memory of who I am in Truth. I was remembering it was not real. And yet now I was suddenly sitting in a completely darkened room again. Alone. I sat there for a while 'till it was time to go to bed again.
This most amazing experience was followed by about 4 weeks of "being here but not of here". I experienced all the stages of human development all the way up to complete enlightenment. I was guided in every step. Whatever question I had was either instantly answered or, in the absence of an answer I would receive immediate understanding of the lack of need for the question to begin with.
My mind was completely empty. If I needed a thought, it was given. Directions as to what to do was always there. If I needed something I would either effortlessly find it or it would be given to me. My words or my silence were perfect in all circumstances. I didn't know anything and yet I understood how God/Spirit, Nature and the Cosmos worked and operated.
I would attract wild animals like a magnet, they loved being around me (even raccoons!) and I knew they were God's messengers reminding me of how Loved I am, and that I was NOT alone. I saw how this world is made of the same symbols I used to build the Blueprint and I could "decode" everything around me. Including predicting earthquakes. I also knew that "the earth was trembling" in response to "the arrival of the Prodigal Son" in me.
Heaven would speak to me through nature. I recognized Holiness in myself and in everything and everyone. All things were the Buddha. I was Buddha and felt like a constant, quiet springing of sheer joy in me!
I received spontaneous healings for hunger, bodily pains and strains, or when feeling cold.. No matter what, I would never tire and if I were to lose my strength all I had to do was ask and I would feel fresh and stronger than a giant beam of reinforced iron before I even had a chance to notice.
I once saw a man completely collapse on the street and just by prayer he would be up on his feet within 2 minutes and walking straighter than he was before the collapse.
One day I started to worry because I was going to be late for my only client that week. I kept checking the clocks on the subway, I was an hour behind and had no chance to call to inform my client. I kept "sensing" that everything was going to be alright. But how!?? Hopefully my client would be late too!
When I finally arrived at the office and spoke to the person at the reception, she told me I was actually an hour earlier and not an hour late! There were 2 hours I still don't know what happened to them, and can not account for the time difference. I am still today entirely sure I left the house by the time I had to be at the office!
Everything, and I mean everything was upside down and backwards compared to how things were before the NDE. For once I was AWAKE!, and I thought I had gone completely mad. All was PERFECT and pure. I was PERFECT and pure and innocent yet my mind was fighting it at times. It could not reconcile the total contrast of experiences so I decided to go see my Teacher, a highly accomplished Lama to tell him of my dilemma. On my way to the temple I kept being guided on how to get there while avoiding noisy or busy streets, which I found very unsupportive of the profound silence and stillness and sometimes sheer Bliss I was living in.
On my way, I found an orange by the curb and was guided to pick it up and so I did. It was not a real fruit, but one of those hollow oranges you see sometimes used as decorations. It did not matter, I had been told to pick it up but never to put it down and so I took it with me.
When I arrived at the temple and after telling the Lama what was going on, I presented it to him as an offering, since I had nothing else to offer to him. When he held it in his hand he started laughing loudly and told me this was an most wonderful omen. It was a representation of the Perfection of Wisdom and kindly advised me to keep resting in the Innermost nature of my Mind and to come back to see him for further guidance. But I never did, I had other plans I did not know about.
Slowly the perfect state started to dissipate and the hard lessons started to come my way. I intended this. This is what I was here for.
There was one more time when Yeshua appeared to me. I was lying down in bed when , from a picture of Him on the wall, the same familiar "hum" started growing 'till the whole room was filled with His Presence.
I felt a sudden, sharp pain in my left sole. I thought "If You could take the nails on the cross I can certainly accept this." The moment I said that in my mind, a flush of electricity went down the leg and I "heard" the first Question: "Would you seek God and nothing but God" as I "saw" an image of myself turning my back on a city skyline to face the Stars... Internally I said: "Yes!"
The same process of sharp pain, acceptance and a current going down my leg happened twice more. The other two questions were: "Would you accept Christ as your only Identity?" and, "Would you bring everyone to Heaven with you?" (to this I saw an image of regarding everyone as an innocent Child of God). Of course I said "Yes! to those questions as well.
I immediately saw "365" flashing in deep blue and gold numbers flashing on my forehead and His Presence then just dissolved.
I thought I had a full year to fulfill my promise and as time went by I realized how difficult this was for me to do.
A whole year went by and I thought I had failed miserably. Now I was in real trouble! I had the most sublime of all possible experiences a human being could possibly hope for, offered to me purely by the Grace Of God yet I felt I was falling back and back and back further and further away from what I desired to do...
As the thought of miserably betraying God and Yeshua and myself and everything I held dear an sacred became more and more intense my mom came to visit me from Argentina for my birthday.
On February 8th of the year 2000 she gave me as a gift a golden cross with a star where normally you'd see a crucified body hanging. That visit was the very last time me and my mom saw each other.
That same day my girlfriend at the time gave me a book, she apologized in advance saying that she had never seen that book before but it felt good to buy it for me. The book is called A Course in Miracles and prior to that day I had seen it only once at a book-store but decided it was not for me.
When I opened it the very first thing I saw was the same identical star on the cover as the one that was on the cross my mom gave me.
The second thing I saw once I opened it, was the same 365 number I had seen in my Vision. That's when I dawn on me what the real Plan was.
The Course comes with "Workbook Lessons", 365 of them, one for each day of the year. It is by practicing the lessons in forgiveness that I get to fulfill my 3 promises.
The book is renown for having been "scribed" by a woman who "heard" a Voice that identified itself a Jesus of Nazareth. It is basically a practice in mind training, so the thoughts of fear can be "forgiven" and replaced by loving thoughts instead. Just as I saw on the pattern of the Universe caused by unloving thoughts during my NDE.
Everything in that book corresponds exactly with not only my NDE, but also with nearly all the experiences I had immediately after and even before I 'died'. Some of them are described in uncanny, identical details to what I experienced.
Long before all this happened a client had mentioned a Course in Miracles group that met once a week just a block from where I had my office. I ended up completing 3 years + of post secondary education and training that the people holding this weekly meetings offered on Transpersonal Psychology based on the principles and tenets of the Course.
There are many more pre and post NDE details, uncanny serendipities, mystical experiences and unexplainable Miracles happening in my life. All to help me go pass and learn the lessons offered through bouts of alcoholism and other addictions, a sometimes terrible temper, suicidal thoughts, homelessness, illness, sexual abuse, depression. family separation, inner conflict and so on.
I am not ashamed or regret any of this, although I had become very very angry with God and with my Soul at times of excruciating emotional pain. For this way I can truly relate to most people experiences and can hold a clear, ample, insightful space and words of unconditional Love and acceptance for those who are sent my way for me to help.
II can now, post NDE also get through the worst experiences so much more faster than I ever did! Whereas before I would be stuck in a rut for months and months at a time, now in maybe a few days or even only an hour or just in a few minutes I am back on my feet again feeling joyous, optimistic and strong again.
As I communicated to the Guide and Helper I met and joined with during my NDE, I DO now remember none of this seeming harsh calamities are true. They are just lessons I want to learn and nothing else. Thank God!
At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes I was feeling suicidal. I seriously contemplated terminating my life here on earth, but somehow knew that death was not the answer I was so desperately looking for. I strongly suspected I would have to come back. My mother was still alive and the mere thought of her suffering after my death was unbearable, so I decided to find a real answer to my suffering.
In a very real way, it was my mother who saved my life.
Was the experience difficult to express in words?....Yes....This type of direct experience is so extraordinary that ordinary communication can never be sufficient. Words are symbols of symbols twice removed from the Truth. To translate such an experience in words is not difficult, is impossible!
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?....More consciousness and alertness than normal Absolutely! Although I would not call it consciousness, I'd describe it as full sensory and extra sensory awareness.....I/it was BOUNDLESS! I had no psychological or sensory buffer or barriers to the experience in the way we generally have here on earth.
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I can't. Is not something I did see through the physical senses, it is something you experience directly.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Here on earth sounds seem to come from the outside and in a certain linear sequence, in Heaven there is no outside, everything happens all at once. instantaneously. The thoughts transmitted are totally abstract. I have to 'translate' those thoughts into human language. There is no really hearing, just instant, perfect knowing.
Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body? No Time and space are illusions. I was only aware of Reality.
What emotions did you feel during the experience?....Elation, Unspeakable Joy, Amazement, Inexpressible Love, Surprise, a bit of Doubt. Compassion, Gratitude, Terror, Disappointment. Sadness. Deep, profound Peace. Stillness. Exhilaration.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel?....Yes....When I was 'coming back into the body'. As I explained before I felt a rush of thoughts, events, images and experiences swirling furiously around me as if I was in the eye of a hurricane.. I was being pulled back and downwards into the body by the sheer terror of being totally alone and completely dispossessed. Together with really loud deafening sounds like being inside or under a gigantic waterfall.
Did you see an unearthly light?....Yes....I am sorry I've been up all night writing this report and can't find a way to describe this things now... Something I did experience which was totally out of the ordinary was the lack of light and color. I could not even describe it as darkness because there was not even 'blackness'. Everything was 'unearthly', color quality, brilliance, the Light was alive and had many distinct qualities I recognized as familiar but there is not much of a term of reference on earth to explain this.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?....No I heard things but I wouldn't call it voices because they had no sound, even though the communication was crystal clear and I could tell by the vibrational signature who was 'talking'. There was no sense of doubt, confusion, ambivalence or any of those 'muddy' things we experience here. With 'Mother Mary", she never spoke and yet there was no other possibility except to say it WAS Her. And even when I say 'Her', is not a matter of gender. Again, it was more of a distinctly identifiable vibrational tone or 'signature' rather than a 'voice' or a 'sound' per se. The mind has to necessarily 'translate', or 'decode' this things so the consciousness can make some sense of it all.
When I encounter what we know or consider God, IT never spoke and yet it transmitted or communicated the most amazing, all encompassing Love one could ever possibly imagine, and was even beyond that. In the case of Yeshua or with the Guide is like they had a thought and you had it as well at the same time and vise versa. There is no separation, you are aware of all there is all at once without any confusion whatsoever.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?....No
Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?....Yes....I remembered everything about who I was during my time on earth but I also realized that it was not me and that the events were not truly Real either.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?....No....
Did time seem to speed up or slow down?....Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning....I know everything happened in an instant and I can recall the events in a linear time but I had no sense of actual time, space and linearity or any of those dualistic concepts or ideas. There was just no such thing.
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?....Everything about the universe....I knew everything about God, myself and the universe and that which is far beyond the universe.
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?....No....
Did you come to a border or point of no return?....I came to a definite conscious decision to "return" to life....
I just don't know where it fits in a chronological sequence because there is NO linear sequence, but the moment I "died" I "automatically" encountered a choice. I could either come back to the same body, or I could choose a different one. There was no third choice.
This is part of the Perfect Common Natural Order of things, the same Perfect Common Natural Order that is My very Essence also. I somehow knew this, so for Me it did not came as a surprise or a disappointment or anything like that.
Very quickly I assessed the situation and it just made sense to return to the same body and use it to "finish my business" here. It is amazing how incredibly practical the Soul is! To take a different body meant to "build" a personality and a psychological, physical and emotional state and frame-work all over again from scratch. This involves re-creating many experiences of suffering and pain at all levels for myself. But those things which I had already experienced were still perfectly "useful" for the Soul's purpose of liberating the mind from the fear of death, which is at the very core of all the fears we know and experience here and we as Souls (and as people) want to heal/erase.
I "saw" or remembered rather, that each unloving thought I ever had, not only from this incarnation, but from previous lifetimes as well, leave like a "wave" in the "fabric of Reality". Similar to the wake a boat or a ship leaves behind as it crosses the ocean. This does not change reality in any way, it is just not natural, it does not correspond with our own Nature as we were Created, as the very Love that we truly are. So our own Nature, our Divine Will is to correct those meaningless thoughts. That's why we come back over and over again.
I understand that to be the true meaning of Compassion. The errors are not real, but the mind believes they are and so we have and want to return the mind to its Natural, fearless state.
I do recall creating my "future life experiences" before coming back into the body.
I remember using "Archetypes", "Patterns" and so on for different things in order to "build" the blueprint for my present/future life experience/s.
The 'past' I already had so I built on what was already there and had already experienced.
Family, personality, gender, mind set, nationality, historical time, profession and so on, I choose all those things. Furthermore, I would say that every single thought, emotion, feeling, sensation, choice, outcome, everything, and I mean EVERY THING we go through, even things we are not even remotely consciously aware of, it's all planned. That is true for those things we consider as failures, there is no such a thing. The Soul works gently, efficiently and 'by approximation' until the mind reaches a point whereby bringing about the collapse of all the structures of a personality can be done with (for us, relative) ease and without throwing the mind back into fear, as a natural, common, expected backlash, or trauma to the ego personality.
I really crammed the "blueprint" with life lessons, tough ones. One of the reasons I wanted to come back to the same body is because in the great scheme of things, in the Great Divine Cosmic Plan this are times of great opportunity to free one's mind/soul. Somehow the year 2000 has a lot to do with it, it marks the end of a Cosmic Cycle, so I really wanted to take full advantage of it. This is not to say that I could not 'come back' to the same time period as another person or as Carlos with a somewhat different set of experiences, physical, mental, emotional or environmental and so on, but again even though the variables are infinite the 'foundation' was still perfectly useful and there was no reason to repeat it or build a similar one. Even though I knew none of this experiences are real, the mind DOES believe they actually are and to replicate or duplicate this things would put unnecessarily strain and suffering upon the mind. There is extreme care not to do anything that is not essentially necessary. I must stressed how absolutely caring, loving and compassionate the Soul is in planning this things. There is assistance offered to ensure the lessons are gently and efficiently planned and that the Soul will bring about the desired outcome. As an earthling I sometimes see through intuition and insight how things are 'worked out' and pre-planned behind the scenes and the sheer brilliance of the Soul is many times, simply astounding is its consistency and is just plain brilliant!
Because part of the "Blueprint" includes the collective as well as the individual, each time we, as individuals heal a fearful thought or belief the whole of Humanity becomes "elevated" together with us. We ARE truly one. Each detail does also 'automatically' serves the whole. Is like a built in mechanism.
So here we have not only the main considerations for making a 'U turn' does many times does seem to ensue for many of us. Whether we remember this things or not depends on the overall Purpose and Plan. In my case it was extremely useful to remember what I remember and to 'veil' what I do not want to remember because it is symbolic of my Main goal which is to remember Who I am, and to remind others who may have chosen NOT to remember but are actively removing the veil to the remembrance of their True Identity.
Did scenes from the future come to you?....Scenes from my personal future....I had seen scenes of the future but I 'made them fuzzy' and not identifiable to the conscious mind while setting the blue print of future experiences.
I did have brief Visions of future global events not long after the NDE but I am not sure I am to include those as well here.
If is your desire I can add those upon your request, but I want to offer only what you are asking for, as much as I can.
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?....Yes....There might be more. I started this questionnaire many hours ago, I've been up all night and unfortunately I cannot think of anything right now. If something comes to mind that I can share with you folks at a later time I will. Just let me know if and how I can do that.
Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:....Large changes in my life....Sorry, but so much had changed in me that I can't go into that right this moment.....
Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience? Yes Now I know Who I am. Now I know much better the difference between illusions and the Truth. Now I know what Love and Compassion really is. Now I know that events here can change our concept of who we are but it cannot change the eternal reality of Who we are. Before I used to put more value in others than in myself and now that has changed. Now I know the difference in value between form and content. Now I am more honest and kind to myself and to others. Now the approval of others does not count nearly as much. Now I know I love you even if I don't know you and even if I get mad at you, those things don't really change anything. Now I am way quicker in remembering the Truth. Now I have way more real trust and patience and generosity that I ever experienced before. Now I remember that I am loved even when people forget that they love me. Now I know I am safe, infinitely loved, cared for, safe, valued and valuable, even when I have little food, no money or have to live outdoors for a bit. Now I know I am never ever alone. Now I appreciate others way more than I did before. Now I cry more often but I feel better about myself and appreciative of those around me. Now I know God and I are one. Now I know that is true for everyone. Now I am better at remembering that everything and everyone is perfect just as they are at any given moment. Now I am way more humble and more selfless than I ever was.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?....Uncertain
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Uncertain
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?....Uncertain
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:....Experience was definitely real
What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:....Experience was definitely real....
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?....Uncertain....
Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?....Uncertain
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?....Uncertain
Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain