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Carla D's Experience

Experience description:   

Before: 

On Saturday, July 20th, 2013 I was at a music festival with friends in Ohio. It was the biggest night of the festival, and the main act was about to come on. At the music festival I had taken drugs.  Pretty Lights, the main artist whom I had seen up to that point approximately five times had just come on. I was with four friends in the middle of the crowd dancing, feeling incredibly happy and otherwise clear, conscious, and at no risk of feeling overwhelmed. One of my friends had a pipe of marijuana topped with drugs. Having done drugs before (but never to a large extent) I decided to smoke from the pipe. I smoked once, coughed a little bit, and had very slight visuals. I was offered the pipe again, and held in the smoke before releasing and coughing. A few moments passed before I felt extremely heavy and saw geometric visuals passing through my eyes. I was under the impression that the drug that I had taken was too potent in conjunction with the drugs. My limbs felt like jelly, I no longer felt happy or like dancing. I felt incredibly over stimulated, hot, very intense body "buzz" and a racing heartbeat. I told one of my friends that I didn't feel good, and she asked if I wanted to go back to the back of the crowd. I did, and with great swiftness and self control I was able to navigate the crowd to a place in the lawn where I could sit down and rest. At this point, I was focused on not being over-stimulated from the music and the lights so that I didn't being to "roll" from the drugs again. I sat down, closed my eyes, and began breathing deep.

 

During:

During this period of breathing, I felt empowered to take a meditative sitting pose, though prior I had very little experience meditating.  I focused on my breathing, and began to see very clear visuals of my chakras. I had only a basic knowledge of chakras and their purpose, but I felt in order to calm myself, I needed to "ground" myself so I began meditating on the first chakra, the root chakra. I saw it clear and red as if I were watching it on a screen. During this time, I began to notice that my body was no longer a physical form, but rather a transparent "light being". I was aware of my connection to my body, of where my body was in terms of the world, but I did not feel like I was in my body. I continued through the chakras, through the sacral, the solar plexus, heart, and throat chakra, meditating on the purpose of each one. I began to feel a very intense vibration within my body. Under the influence of the drugs, I thought I was going into "hyperspace", having heard from other drug experiences of this familiar feeling. As this vibration began to increase in frequency, I began to see a bright silver light. The light was incredibly bright and clear, but it did not hurt my eyes. At this point my consciousness became aware of the association of this "tunnel of light" with death. I began to panic. I came back into my body and began hitting the grounds with my hands to confirm my existence. I said, "Stay here, Devin. You're alive. You're okay. Don't go, don't go." At some point I began to rationalize that I was simply sitting on the ground on a cool night. My body was not overheating, my heart was not racing, I was out of danger.  

I began to focus on my breathing again and follow this silver light. At this point, I can only describe myself as being in the universe. I no longer saw a "light being" but was only aware of my consciousness. I saw incredibly vivid color and detail, of being among stars in a space of bright pink, deep purple, and bright blue. I felt a sense of peace. I was aware of body still being on the lawn of the venue, but I was not in my body. I was not in any sort of physical form, my conscious was simply present in the universe.  I felt an overwhelming sense of love in this space, and no longer had any fear. My conscious began to ask questions, not vocally, but in my "mind". I can only describe this as I was "thinking questions" before the questions could be formulated, the answers were being given to me. I felt as if the monologue was my own voice, but the information was not coming from me....or at least not the "me" that I know in the physical sense. I came to realize the interconnectedness of the world, the role in which we all play, and how it is for the good of all. I became aware of universal consciousness, a divine light, and a sense of "knowing" that this is where I'll return to when I die. That this place is where we come from, a silver light that exists that consciousness of all and of one. I became aware that there is no good or evil, that there simply is being. I became aware that things that happen, like war, serve a purpose as a lesson for a humanity. I came to understand the purpose of the human existence, and my own existence, which is to love. I began to think of my future, and my purpose. I realized that my purpose is to allow people to experience what I was experiencing, and to spread that love. As someone already interested in working in the music industry, I realized that I am supposed to work in event production so that I can create a friendly, loving environment, where people can be brought together for their joy of music. I'm supposed to help create an experience with musicians that are also connected, that are playing music to help people reach the space that I was inhabiting at that time. Through all of this, I saw images of what I was thinking, flashes of war, flashes of musicians playing, anything that I was thinking I saw vividly.  I began to think of my personal life, of my friends, and the roles that they play in my life and the lessons that they're to provide me. I thought of my boyfriend of the time. I saw a murky future, as if a future yet unwritten. I felt like I was telling myself, "We're going to grow old together" and I was being shown images of the two of us together at an old age, and one of us experiencing death first, but that was not revealed to me. I was also shown that if this future did happen, we would have children. I saw the face of a boy clearly, what was to be my first child to be named "Channing". I saw a  face of a second child as thought from a distance, a girl named Taylor. I felt as if I was being shown that this is a possible future reality, but that this future was less likely. 

Intermittently I would connect with my physical body, open my eyes and look around. I could hear the music, which sounded unlike anything I had ever heard before. As I mentioned earlier, I have seen Pretty Lights many times and am familiar with his music. This music sounded completely alien, unlike anything I've ever heard or have heard since. I closed my eyes, and returned to this level of consciousness and  began to travel in this universal space. Although I did not feel as if I moved, saw myself, or saw the passing of images or objects, I was suddenly in a different space. This new place I saw other beings. Beings in a geometric pattern, sitting peacefully with a basic human-esque shape. Their heads were not round, but seemed to connect to a source, as if they too were meditating. The only way I can describe this is to look at a painting by Alex Grey called "Net of Being". I was here for a short while, when I became to be more aware of my physical body. The music was ending, people were moving, and I entered my body again.  

Initially, I got up and simply walked back to our campsite. I tried to figure out the length of this experience, and I think it was somewhere in the range of 45 minutes to an hour based on how long Pretty Lights set was. The images that I saw were strongly in my head for the whole night and several days afterward. Four months later, I can occasionally recall the images and feelings of the experience. The experience has left me profoundly more spiritual, and very very confused. I've been trying to rationalize this experience, and found this site, where I believe I have come to the closest description. Although I don't think that my body was in any true threat of dying, psychologically I believe that I was. It's difficult for me to completely write this experience as simply a drug hallucination, as those typically only last 10-15 minutes, and this was two to three times longer than that. Post-experience, I am thankful for the experience, but often feel alienated from individuals because it's something that I want to discuss, that I want to figure out, but I have no way of communicating this experience to people in a way that is easily accepted.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Yes   Yes, I felt that I was experiencing symptoms of a drug overdose. Further detail surrounding the event in question 2.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?....Yes....Yes, because new concepts were brought to my attention for which there aren't words. I had incredible epiphanies that aren't something that can easily be conveyed in words, because I experienced a feeling a realization, not just the consumption of an idea.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?....More consciousness and alertness than normal    Probably 10 minutes into the whole experience. I was alert all through out, but the highest level of consciousness occurred after I passed through the silver light.....It was entirely different. I became aware of past present and future. I became aware that time does not exist, that it's a construct of the physical mind. I existed in a space of only "being".

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.    My visions were crystal clear. Incredible detail and color in rich hues. My regular vision was comparatively dark and subdued.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.    I heard very different music that what was being played before the experience. Before the experience I heard regular "Pretty Lights" music. During the experience I heard an entirely different type of music that I cannot describe in words.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?    No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?....When I thought I was dying, I was incredibly scared and very panicked. Once I released that fear, I felt joy, peace, and love.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?....Uncertain....I didn't see it as a tunnel per sé, but I was in a relatively dark space and an approaching silver light that kept getting bigger and bigger until I entered the light..

Did you see an unearthly light?....Yes....It was incredibly bright and silver. My eyes did not hurt or look away from the light, but it was very very bright.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?....No   

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?....No   

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?....No....

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?....A clearly mystical or unearthly realm....I felt like I was in a place in the universe. There were no structures or anything, but I felt like I was in the middle of the universe amongst the stars.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?....Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning....Time did not exist. I was only present in the moment.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?....Everything about the universe....I don't understand how the universe exists, but I understand why.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?....No....

Did you come to a border or point of no return?...I came to a definite conscious decision to "return" to life....I did not see a border, but I definitely felt that I was being sent back. That I was not ready for this place, and that someday I would return.

Did scenes from the future come to you?....Scenes from my personal future....I saw future children, I saw their faces. I saw my future career, standing on a side of a major stage looking out at a crowd as they enjoyed the event that I had helped to create.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?....Yes....Yes, that my purpose is to spread this joy, universal oneness, and love that I experienced through others. I came to know that I am supposed to do that by facilitate an environment that is suitable for this type of experience e.g. music festival

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:....Large changes in my life....I no longer worry as much about being on time, making deadlines, living by schedules. I'm more relaxed about what I do, but still feel the need and desire to do things. I have become incredibly spiritual. I have made a concerted effort to eat better and meditate more often. I try to focus on being positive and compassionate to myself and everyone around me. I'm not perfect, it doesn't happen all the time, but I definitely try.....

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?    Yes     Changes in my spiritual beliefs, sense of purpose, current life direction, my (former) relationship. Everything.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?....Yes     I'm slightly more aware of my intuition and how events unfold, but I would not say that I don't have any profound psychic gifts.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes   Only a few days. Very few people understand. They listen, but they don't understand. Ultimately, I think this experience was a partial reason for the end of my last relationship as it occurred about a month before we broke up.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?....No    

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:....Experience was definitely real    It was absolutely real. I have no doubt in my mind that was I experienced was real and not simply a drug induced hallucination.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:....Experience was definitely real....Same response as 56.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?....Yes....My relationship ended with my ex boyfriend. The people that I associate with are slightly different, or the way that I associate with them is different. I'm closer to specific friends that I feel a "spiritual" connection to.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?....Yes    Yes, I meditate regularly and try to practice yoga whenever I can.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?....Yes    Meditation, especially with gemstones has reproduced some of the feelings and sensations of the experience, but never to the extent that I did not feel present in my body.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?    Yes    This is the closest I have ever come to someone asking questions that directly described my experience.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     Letting go of fear. I allowed myself to be completely free of my earthbound emotions and was able to experience indescribable joy, peace, and happiness. I became aware of the source of our creation and our afterlife.