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Bill M's Experience

Experience description:   

I was 24 when my wife died in a car accident.  A month later, my friend was brutally murdered.  These events resulted in my becoming sad and depressed. The terms "heart broken" and "having the rug pulled out from under you" were true statements of my everyday existence. One morning, regretting having to get up, I stirred in bed, not yet opening my eyes to face another day. My mind was racing again with questions, reasoning and doubts. I had these intense feelings of guilt and agony. The vicious daily cycle was once again about to repeat itself.  In desperation, I felt my heart cry out to God for help. He answered. 

What then transpired is hard to describe in words.  I suddenly felt detached from my body and the anguish. The sounds of life outside faded away into silence.  I found myself to be floating in a calm, dimly lit, featureless void.  Then I heard this loving, calming "voice" say "yes?".  This voice was not audible, but it seemed that way.  It was more like it was within my head and a part of the void all around me.  With the simple statement came an understanding that I could ask whatever I wanted, that it would be answered. That it was here to help me understand and to comfort me.  I did not feel afraid. I asked about the most vexing question within my heart.  It answered not only in word but in visions. It did this with every question I had to ask; a simple reply in word, with visions and a complete understanding. There was also a growing intensity or vibration with each answer and question, building one upon another. I continued to the point that I knew would be the last question. The ultimate question. The question that answered all questions.  It is the only one that I would remember from this whole experience. "but, why?" 

The answer was just as simple. It answered "love". At the mention of the word, I felt transported into an immense dark void. I felt like a spectator viewing this light growing within it. As it grew, the intense feeling within my soul, which already felt that it could not retain the energy it felt within every fiber of my being, was growing even more along with it.  Beyond anything I had ever felt or experienced in my life.  I had become one with the light; a part of it, and yet seeming to be with all of it. I was either getting closer to it or it was growing closer to me. It was pure. It was brilliantly white, composed of many lights. It was love. Suddenly, It exploded, nova like, out into all directions. Like ripples in a pond, in waves it went out into the the vast dark void. I felt carried along outward along with it. The incredible love and joy that I felt. Words are inadequate to describe it. 

I then seemed to smack back into my body. It was almost audible, but without pain. I knew I was back. I heard birds singing outside. Life was continuing on, but it was new. I don't recall ever hearing birds so cheerful, either before or since. I was different.  The gloom and despair were gone, not even a lingering memory.  It was replaced with this loving, joyful feeling. My soul was at peace. I did not want to open my eyes, thinking it would all go away with the light of day.  The day was one of the most beautiful of my life.  I felt centered, living in the "here and now" present moment of time, not in the past or in fear of the future. I felt "clear", not muddle headed.  The love and joy continued within my heart and soul for weeks.  

At the time, I felt that I was talking to God. I now believe that this encounter was with a ministering angel, sent by Him.  It makes me wonder even more about Him, this living God who answers prayers.  It made me want to get to know Him even more.  Several years after this, I became a Christian. Prior to this experience, I was looking into the spiritual and religious aspects of life.  I believed there was a God.  Possibly the same God of the Buddhists, Islamic, etc.  I thought that by living a "Good" life was all that was needed. It requires more than this. Our meaning and purpose in life is more than this. 

I found that the only way to find this source of love I had experienced, and know that it was one and the same, was via Christianity, and not any of the other ways. I have found my way back, and have had a even greater experience than this by His grace and mercy. I also found that He had never left. His Spirit was waiting for me all along.  He is waiting for you. Make it your hearts cry. You'll never be the same, and that's a "good" thing.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No response           

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     Became a Christian several years later.

Believe that Christianity is the only true way to God.

Believe that each of us must choose to believe in our living God.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       More loving and caring.  More easygoing.

Christian, but don't believe any one denomination has the only "True" way.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes     Total change of outlook, attitude, and response to life

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Wonder and awe, or disbelief.

Some wished for a similar experience.

Confirms beliefs of some others.

Some say "yea, rrrright!"

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Joy, loved, peace, well-being, made "whole" again. mended.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Proof, to me, of the existence of a loving and caring, living and alive God.  Worst part; I couldn't stay there.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        Don't wait to be torn down before you look up. (To Him)

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes     A few years after becoming a Christian, I had a spiritual experience that wasn't OB. Lasted for several months, still happening in a way. Re-connected with and trying to stay in His love as found in the experience.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes     Very through, thank you.