close to midnight and I was as much awake then as I am now while writing this.
I was extremely healthy and well rested. I was on my back with the lights on,
wishing I could "take on" the pain and depression of a loved one. I began to
"sense" numerous dark, terrifying "objects" that pressed down on my chest. I
was immobilized and couldn't breathe or scream. I rapidly and repeatedly began
praying, "oh God, oh God help me". I then felt myself drift towards the ceiling
and looked back at myself on the bed. Then the ceiling disappeared and I
entered a realm of warm, peaceful bright white light where I saw or "sensed"
beings that can best be described as twinkling white silver crystal objects (a
poor description, but as close as I can get). While I felt exquisite, extreme
warmth, peace, love, and acceptance, I also felt infantile and impure in
comparison to the other pure, wise beings. A large white/silver-like cloak
roughly three times my size engulfed me. Inside, the feelings of safety, love,
acceptance etc. intensified. Communication of information was not through
telepathy as described by some, but by a "knowing", the way you know your name.
I was aware of a "mental veil" lifting instantly revealing everything I ever
wondered about. Yet, it seemed as if I'd always known this information. I did
not want to leave. Ever. Yet I "understood" that I was going back and that I
couldn't fight it. I was then back in my body with no recollection of the the
return trip or of the information that was "unveiled". I was extremely
exhausted and slept on and off for 3 days afterwards while my loved one called
the next morning claiming he'd had the best sleep of his life and was feeling
totally refreshed. Since then, I have no fear of death.
Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes Words can not express the depth of emotions experienced--e.g. exquisite, is too weak an adjective. Additionally, there is nothing in everyday existence to describe the things I "saw" (in quotations because eyes were not as important or used as much to perceive and sense what I experienced).
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No
What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? completely alert
Was the experience dream like in any way? No. The experience was as vivid and as real as any other conscious experience.
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes I was myself, except that I was weightless and unrestricted.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? extreme, exquisite warmth, love, peace, acceptance, and security. I also felt infantile and impure in comparison to the other wise, pure "beings".
Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? No
LOCATION DESCRIPTION: Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures? Yes Twinkling, white/silver/crystal "objects" that you sense or feel rather then "see" with your eyes. Absolutely nothing that I could have imagined or expected (e.g. through religion). At this time in my life, I had never heard of the white light, an obe, or a nde.
Did you see a light? Yes bright (does not hurt eyes), warm, loving, peaceful white light.
Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes twinkling, white/silver/crystal "beings" that were sensed rather than seen. communication was through an instant knowing, not verbal, not telepathic. A great deal of information was relayed instantly, though I could not recall it after the experience--the "veil" lowered again. I was "told" I would be returning and I "knew" I could not fight it.
Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? Yes didn't need the senses. You sensed, perceived, and communicated (via a "knowing") instead.
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Uncertain
Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes A mental "veil" was lifted and everything was revealed to me and I instantly "knew" everything I ever wondered about. I felt as though these were things I'd always known, but forgot I knew. I couldn't recall them after the experience. Strangely, "forgetting" again doesn't concern me too much. (you'd think it would frustrate me)
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you become aware of future events? Uncertain
Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body? Yes I "knew" that I would be returning, that I didn't have a choice, and that it was pointless to try and fight it.
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? No
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes Until the experience, I viewed life from a biological perspective. I wasn't an atheist, but I don't think I believed in God, Heaven, or Hell. I don't know if I currently believe in Heaven, or Hell (I think they're inventions of man), and I'm not sure about God either. I do know that there is something God-like and there is an incredibly exquisite and beautiful realm waiting after death. I also believe that we are all part of the same whole, we are all interconnected and that our "family" here isn't really "ours". I no longer fear death.
How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices? I've learned not to sweat the small stuff, and to try to look at the big picture. I am more spiritual than I was before the experience, but not any more religious. I view my daughter as a gift, a soul that chose to join me in this experience on earth. I view others as being a part of me. If I hurt them, I hurt myself. If I love them, I love myself.
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes I only shared the experience with 3 others in the first 10 years following the event. I've since shared with more as the topic receives more exposure and becomes more accepted. Generally, those I've told appear to believe me. It has helped some with their grief following loss of loved ones.
What emotions did you experience following your experience? Peace. Loss of fear. Excitement.
What was the best and worst part of your experience? worst--the "demons" pressing down on my chest.