That night, I was upset and had suicidal thinking...and I knew something was going to happen that day.  It felt so strange. I had my friends come pick me up and they drove me around; I sat in the middle seat in the back of the car; we had the windows down and we're listening to music. I started to feel light-headed, once we got close to my house. We were on the road I have lived on my whole life and I couldn't remember where to go. I wasn't able to direct my friend towards my home. She knew how to get there though and that was good. So I got out of the car and walked in my home. My dad was sitting in his chair in the living room, doing stuff on his laptop. I grabbed a glass of water and stumbled back to my room. I felt like I was in a dream; I didn't really feel like I knew where I was.  Then I remember laying down on my bed.

At that instant my body started to tingle.  I could feel myself freezing up.  My eyes were still open, but I couldn't move. It felt like a stroke. Then I blacked out. My body was shaking.  Then, I could feel it starting to vibrate extremely fast. Then I saw light.  My first vision was of me lying in the back of a car that I had been in earlier that day and I was unconscious. I was looking down upon myself.  Blue lights were flashing through the windows, and I got pulled out to go in the ambulance. When we were in the ambulance, they used the heart stimulator on me 2 times. It helped a little bit. I was pushing my breathe and could feel myself fighting to stay awake. I was scared. I had been feeling like committing suicide this day, and here I am, having this intense experience - I thought 'Am I really dying? If not, how am I feeling every bit of this?'  The physical, spiritual, mental aspects all seems so very prominent; like every moment is a masterpiece with it's meaning beyond words. We ended up in a hospital room, and I could see my heart monitor slowly going.  There were two female doctors and one male.  Their faces looked somewhat familiar to me. I could feel my breathe starting to slip away from me. It felt as if all my breathe was placed in a balloon and then a tiny little hole was put in it, and it all started to seep away from me. It was uncontrollable. It was escaping me and there was nothing I could do about it but accept it.

My heart stopped.  On my last breathe, I started to see a huge tunnel like another vortex just pulling me in.  Time was non-existent. Strange colors started to appear in glowing flashes and disappeared into the darkness again. Then my life played out right before me. I saw myself inside my mother's womb, saying certain words as a toddler, staring up at the sunshine, meeting people, laughing, and crying.  I saw things I didn't remember until that moment, but they really happened. All of the scenes led up to this day, showing me what I have done so far, and letting me know that there's so much more for me to do here on earth. I could feel a calm female presence with me who was comforting me; telling me, "Your time is not finished here Bailey. You will make art and be happy and help others along the way." Then, I woke up unable to move.

Instantly, I fell back into whatever this was. I still needed to experience the rest. Then, suddenly I felt like I was being sucked into the earth. I was underground, a seed...breathing and seeing, feeling and having thoughts. I felt extremely content. Then in an instant, I was looking over my funeral.  Alongside me was the very wise and soothing woman. I could tell that she had experience and natural born healing abilities. She comforted me and guided me through this. After the funeral, then I started to feel that pull again. I was being put into another body right after that death. I was a 21 year old woman with long blonde hair.  It was sunny, and I was walking down the middle of a road.  It looked like Utah. Then, I see a semi truck heading down the road. Nobody is paying attention, so I just keep walking towards the truck. Then bam! I walk right into it and I start to experience dying all over again. I can feel my bones being crushed, my memories go, and I see intimate details of another life's death. 

This was me in some past life. The life experiences I went through then were similar to now, but my mindset was in the wrong place. Seeing myself in another body, was beyond words.  I was feeling that life so deeply in my soul and knowing that was me. She had on rings on every finger and was humming and dancing on her tippy toes, just like I do now. Once I had experienced that death, I was being sucked into another body again. This time, I was a boy - maybe 18 at the time. I was in a bathtub and decided to harm myself.  I laid there bleeding to death. I saw all of his memories, his life flash as well. The same characteristics were there as the lives I saw before and before. Then there was a continuous glow that flowed in and out of me. 

I woke up and was astounded. I am so thankful for this insight...this glimpse at death. I am not afraid anymore. I understand that there is life after death and that our souls are infinite; beautiful, fragile, and unique. I learned that I have the power to save myself. I can be strong, regardless of things that have brought me down in the past. I see that light from the experience everywhere I go, and I know anything can be accomplished. I know this life is all mine and I have every bit of power and will in myself to be anything I want to be - to inspire, to create, to live...truly and fully. I not to be afraid because it's not worth it. I enjoy every moment that is placed in front of me. I know to do things that make me happy and to remove myself from the things that don't. I nourish myself with love, and flourish like a field of flowers in the middle of the desert.