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B's Experience

Experience description:   

On January 5, 1993 my husband to be ‘T’ slipped into a coma and high fever on the way to a doctor's appt. We spent the following 8 months with him coming out and going back into comas due to a brain tumor between the right and left brain lobes, going about 1 inch deep from the top down. Although the tumor was considered large, by the doctors, we had NO knowledge of its existence until 01/05/93. My husband was a professional boxer. He worked out every single day, ran twice a day, and worked a daily job. The only noticeable physical change he exhibited at home, which prompted the doctor's visit in January, was his sleeping a little deeper than usual. We had attributed some stress to the fact that we had a new baby after 10 years together, family issues, his considering retirement and his intention to go back to school in 1993 and my being an injured passenger in two separate auto accidents in 1992. The doctor's could not confirm if the tumor was due to boxing or a terminal infection which they later diagnosed.

On September 5, 1993 ‘T’ was in the hospital awaiting release back home with full 24 hour nurse and home attendant care. His multiple medication had been changed again because of the toxic effects he was experiencing. On the Friday before his death in this life, the doctors suggested ‘T’ stay in the hospital until Tuesday, Sept. 6th just in case ‘T’ had a bad reaction to the change of medication again. By staying the doctors could respond immediately instead of re-admitting him and delaying emergency care, during a holiday weekend.

The night before, T asked me (for the first and only time during his illness) to stay with him in his hospital room to keep him company. When he was cognizant he would consistently asks me to go home or to my parents home nearby before it became late. We would then keep in contact by telephone through the night. That Saturday, I stayed, with hospital permission, and we talked throughout the night. We reminisced about all the things we did together up to this point in our lives and in the morning we watched a televised minister we had developed a habit of watching. Both the conversations and television habit were a regular part of our relationship. I attended church physically, T had only started attending churches during the previous 2 years.

On Sunday morning between 8 and 9 am, the doctors and nurses began to come into his hospital room with increasing frequency, to monitor the machines he was hooked up to. Around 10 am the doctors (2)came into the room and with calm directness informed ‘T’ and I that the machines showed a pattern of deterioration which would lead to coma and in their opinion probable death within  24 hours. I was flabbergasted that the doctors could diagnose, predict and tell us of his absolute death sentence. They matter-of-factly talked to us about his / our decision about DNR (Do not resuscitate, or offer medical assistance). I was a life-long believer in Do Everything Under the Sun to keep life going. T did not believe in extreme measures or DNR. He made the decision years prior due to his profession and past family experience. he never wanted to risk being a living ‘vegetable’. In fact because of a very abusive childhood, he truly believed he would not live past his 30th birthday. He was told this by his family his entire life. He accepted it as literal truth. he was stunned on his 30th birthday when he didn't die. On Sunday, Sept. 5, 1993 T was 32 years old. Although the doctors asked T what his choice would be concerning DNR, I was told I could override his decision because of his medical condition and a medical proxy he had kept for years naming me as medical decision maker. T rationally chose NO DNR or extreme measures. I honored his decision, and then excused myself for a few minutes to have a emotional breakdown further down the hall. Finally a nurse who had worked with us every day for approx. 6 months, helped me pull it together by asking me if I wanted to spend his last day with him or crying about it in the hall. I pulled myself together as much as I could, called family asking them to come straight to the hospital after church at 1pm (but not about the death sentence, except to his oldest child's mother, so that she could decide how and what was the best way to prepare her child and family). I then went back into the hospital room with the idea that he had until 5 pm that day. No one told me that he would die at precisely 5pm. I was reacting emotionally to the situation at that point.

When I entered the room, T was beginning to have labored breathing. With the beginning of rattled breathing, T was concerned about how I was. He asked how I was feeling? He wanted to know if I would be okay? He even offered to change the medical DNR and risk being a vegetable if I wanted him to. I am to this day deeply moved that with his inevitable diagnosis he could be so focused and concerned with my emotional and physical welfare. I promised him that I would be fine. I would be alive later. I told him that I would honor his wishes. He said he wished to keep his choice, visibly accepting everything that was happening. I was sitting on the side of his leg on the bed, holding his hand as his breathing was rapidly getting worse, more rattled and strained. His eyes were calm. The medical staff was coming back and forth into the room, checking the machines. I thought to myself, if this were my last minutes, hours alive. I was holding T's right hand, and I reached for the Bible by his bed stand. I chose to let it fall open to wherever it opened to and I would just keeping reading God's Word. What could be better to hear. we had already shared everything the night before.

The bible opened to Matthew 28:1, about Mary and Mary Magdalene going to Jesus tomb. I could read and see T's face as his breathing now peacefully rattled. He consciously watched me until 4 breaths before his last exhale. By that breath I was TOTALLY aware of how perfectly calm everything was. As I sat there holding his hand I witnessed a unexpected sight. I SAW not with my natural sight, however I SAW what looked like a whitish, wispy, cloudy human form lift out of a lying down, to sitting, to lifting form leave his body. It went upward and diagonally across the ceiling corner. I even said aloud ‘This is wild’. And I KNEW he was no longer inside the shell of the human body. No question about it. I even felt like I was a part of it. Everything seen and unseen was connected in perfection, and a joyous peace. I am also positive that T and another presence were in the room, located in the corner of the ceiling behind my left shoulder. I felt like I could join them. I was connected I sensed knew that T needed to be sure that I was okay with his leaving before he could/would leave to go on. I needed to reassure him. I was amazingly okay with it all. It was more than okay, so I turned my body to the ceiling corner and said aloud, It’s okay. I'm fine. The baby and I will be fine. It's okay if you go. I promise you it is fine. Still with the atmosphere of wonderful peace they were gone.

A nurse and doctor walked in, turned off the machine, called the time of death and quietly left the room. I was calmly aware of it all and amazed at the feeling of perfection in everything, as well as the removal of fear and loss I had dreaded.

A few minutes later (It felt like less than 2 minutes) His oldest daughter's mother walked into the room and my immediate response was, Oh, you just missed him. We spent at least 30 minutes at his bedside sharing jokes about who he was. It wasn't until we left the building about 1 hour later that we realized she had never stopped at the visitors' or nurses desk to ask for his floor or room number. she had simply rushed out to come to the hospital (she knew I was alone that morning). In her haste it never occurred to her that she hadn't asked for information. 

I have never wanted or wished that he come back or question his leaving since. I have shared this experience as best I can with friends and family over the years. I am compelled to write about it tonight. I don't know why

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     Words do not adequately describe the peace and perfection of being with my husband as he passed on. I remain in awe of the experience.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      A few hours before my husband left this world, the doctors came into the hospital room and told us (he and I) that the medical monitors showed that he would go into another lapse of consciousness / coma state which they did not believe he would ever wake up  from, nor survive for more than 12 hours if that long.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    I was highly aware of the perfection of the beauty of the sunny day, the light of day, the sounds, the temperature, the air and my skin, the ‘peace beyond understanding’, the one-ness of the universe, and the wonder of what I saw with my eyes and without my natural sight. Total unearthly peace, calm and perfection that words cannot adequately express. The total absence and fear.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            I was highly aware of the perfection of the beauty of the sunny day, the light of day, the sounds, the temperature, the air and my skin, the ‘peace beyond understanding’, the one-ness of the universe, and the wonder of what I saw with my eyes and without my natural sight. Total unearthly peace, calm and perfection that words cannot adequately express. The total absence and fear.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     Everything was totally clear, perfect.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     Perfect ,peacefully, joyously. I seek and enjoy peaceful nature sounds outside, even though it can't compare to that unearthly describable peace. That peace was different than what we call peaceful. That peaceful is internal and external.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            PERFECT PEACE, PERFECT JOY INTERNALLY AND EXTERNALLY.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           Yes     light of the day was unusually excellent.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     I sensed the other presence and saw without my natural sight the purity of my husband without his body at the time of his passing on.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No       Totally in the moment.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes    

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Uncertain     

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     Unearthly peace. Perfection exist.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes    

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain     

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No      

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I may have shared some of the experience with my family the evening of the passing. I definitely shared the experience by the time of the funeral service.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    The experience cannot be forgotten although the feeling of peace unmatchable unless you are worshipping god by fulfilling your purpose by God.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            Love also passes all earthly understanding. I cannot explain this as well as I would like for lack of accurate words however I know that love is connected to The Brightness, the perfect aura, feeling. Every cell of everything is part of it.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real   

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     I view life, death and love and purpose for being born differently.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?           
Yes    

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes     I experience at least one other ‘vision’ two years ago, unexpectedly during a church service.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        Not at this time.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Uncertain      Words are somewhat inadequate.