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Antoine L's Experience

Experience description:   

Around the time of the experience, I had a fairly easy life economically and I was not threatened physically, but I was growing increasingly despaired. 

Wherever I look, I saw only people who seemed to care more about their cell phones than their neighbors. When I watched TV or the Internet, I saw that our leaders want the cybernetization of life to go always further, replacing workers with machines, and connecting the internet to our very glasses or even minds.

I saw my 4 year old niece a few days before, and already, I felt like she loved her phone and iPad more than me. I tried to play with her and she went away to her gizmos. This was a shock because I have played with her since her birth, and she always had been happy of it.  Now, even this was gone. Every family dinner is all about seeing people with their phones and bragging about their new apps. Nobody seemed to care about anybody, and I could not stand it anymore. 

This trend looks like it will not stop. I felt robbed of the only people I loved by technology. My work being involved with technology, I felt like I was on the "wrong side of the force", contributing to this madness, and I eventually became depressed. 

I started to challenge God, asking him how he could let such a nightmare happen. But on the other hand, I also asked him to give me the strength to not commit suicide, which i had started to consider.

This situation lasted for a few months. 

Then, one night, I had a dream that started fairly ordinarily. it showed a classroom in which the teacher was talking about a dead student, but nobody was sad about her death. The name of the student was mentioned but I forgot it. 

Then, the dream went to a black void, and my awareness seemed to change from "dream awareness" to something different, more "real".

Then, a being of light appeared. It looked like a fuzzy human silhouette that radiated an intense, loving light. I could simply not believe the strength of it. The creature radiated with such energy and love that it is hard to explain. It matched quite the idea of what an angel would be for me, so I refer to this being of light as this, an "angel".  

For some time, the being let me bathe in its light. I felt like the power and warmth of this love was infinite. Like it could do miracles. After a moment, the angel started talking in a feminine voice. The voice was very loud, but also very sweet and motherly. 

It was short. I think I forgot some parts of what she said, but a sentence sticks out, that I remember distinctly : "Don't worry. God is working right now, in ways that go far beyond your understanding. Everything will be fine." 

I could not believe this, because I firmly believe our world is horrible and will get worse. I tried to answer, but no sentence could come out of my mouth, as I was just too overwhelmed by the angel's love to say anything. I tried to touch the angel, and I felt like my hand went through her body. At that time, my hand felt even warmer than the rest of my body. 

I still spent a moment in the angel's love. After a while, she started to leave without saying anything. Then I felt like I was the one going away. Strangely I had no problem with leaving this unbelievable love behind.  

As I left, I remember distinctly saying to her : "All right, I'll go back to earth and see what I can do, then...". And then I woke up, deeply moved, with tears in my eyes.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   No 

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     It is hard to describe the warmth and the love.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    While I was in presence of the "angel"

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      Normal consciousness and alertness   I felt my body was different, probably immaterial

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
   Except the "angel", everything was black. The angel was made of light that should have been blinding, but wasn't. But I did not see more details or stuff like that. In fact the figure of the "angel" was quite blurry.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
   The angel had a strong voice that was booming but also loving.

Overall I don't feel like my senses were better. I feel like it was the angel that radiated incredible power and love.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   I felt like I was nothing in comparison to such a magnificent angel and its love. I felt like this being could destroy me instantly if it wanted, but all it did was love and reassure me. I was incredibly happy. When I woke up, I had tears in my eyes.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   The angel herself.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
The angel, obviously. Nobody else.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   Uncertain   Maybe the first part of the dream was a way for the angel to imply that she had lived on earth before. But I have no proof.

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   Some unfamiliar and strange place
All dark except the angel.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   No
Time felt fairly normal. At least as far as dreams go.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   I came to a definite conscious decision to "return" to life
This was weird because even though my life was not threatened at all, I remember clearly saying "okay... I'll go back to earth and see what I can do". 

Does that imply I could have died? I don't know.

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Uncertain   The first part of the dream could imply the angel used to be human. I am not sure, though.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   The angel explicitly mentioned God

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Uncertain   I don't know if that's what you mean, but the angel made me feel that love had power beyond anything I could ever imagine.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Uncertain   It seems that God and the angels are in complete control, despite what the empirical evidence says.

I think it means that the era of madness we are in will be ended. I just wish I knew more on how it will be done.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I read stuff about NDEs, and I already had kind of figured out that religions were born from interpretation of unexplainable mythical experiences.

Still, I definitely would not have expected to live such an experience myself.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   Some parts are very clear. I feel like I also forgot many things. For instance I feel like the angel told me her name but I forgot it as soon as I came back.

I guess this means a fairly normal memory, or maybe I wasn't meant to remember her name.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   The material world just keeps heading in the same direction, so I admit I have a hard time believing the angel. But on the other hand the angel felt so powerful and loving that it is hard to believe she lied... 

I am very confused by this apparent contradiction, which is why I felt like I should talk about it.

My experience directly resulted in:   No changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?  
Uncertain   It's been much harder remaining skeptic. I might slowly become a complete believer that it truly was an angel.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Uncertain   My watch broke. I read somewhere that it could be related. But I really am not sure.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?    
I am deeply troubled by the idea that "everything will be fine". I still can't believe it. But maybe the future will prove those words to be true.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?  
No 

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Yes   I came in contact with NDEs because I am writing a comic that talks about life and death through the prism of astrophysics (it is a scientific fact that planets and then humans are born from stardust, which itself comes from the light of the big bang).

I researched the topic and remembered an old book I read about NDEs. This eventually led me to finding much more about it on the Internet. 

If the experience had not been so strong, I would certainly had dismissed it as my subconscious building up the dream from the info I had read.

Now it is really hard to believe that the angel wasn't an external entity, but I'll admit I still have doubts.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   I was ecstatic after that dream. And spent much time thanking the angel.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was probably real   I watched and read the news since then, and the fact that business goes as usual, (meaning eventually more poverty, wars, and computers replacing people) made me start to doubt again. 

I can't deny the strength of the experience, but I still have trouble believing things will be fine as the angel claimed.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   No  

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I pray more.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Uncertain   Things are definitely not going fine or better in the world. But it's just been a few days, and maybe this will come true on a longer time scale.  

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes   At least as far as I can remember it.

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?        Maybe I need to meet other people who "saw angels".

Maybe my comic could benefit from it, or maybe the organization benefit from the comic, i don't know.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?                  Not really. Thanks.