Annette IF's Experience
I simply have to tell it, but after reading so many accounts here, I don't know if my experience fits NDE. So what happened to me actually??? I Know that I wanted to give up, I know that I didn't feel good, I had many fears and problems at home, but I didn't think at suicide, but I was in a state of depression that was robbing my life force, preventing me to cope with the daily problems. One evening we were sitting on the couch when I suddenly felt that somebody touched my arm... I was sure about it, I felt it very clearly... and told my husband about it (he commented, that it was the djinns that are constantly around us in another dimension)...later I went to bed, but I didn't sleep, my toddler slept with me in my bed, I looked after him, I laid down and heard very distinctly a male voice saying: "Now come, open yourself up, and surrender to the adventure....I open my legs, I don't know why, so embarrassing, I bet with "open up" was meant something different.... suddenly I see 2 persons in my sleeping room. Diagonally above me...like standing in the air, in fact not completely but only from the feet up to the hip. One had no shoes and a long white dress, of the other person I saw beautiful boots covered with green brocade, a part of a green gleaming coat and half of a sword, seemingly fixed at the belt. I immediately identified the prophets Jesus and Muhammad. No doubt. Instead of doing something respectful, I thought 'what are you Muhammad needing a sword in the peaceful heaven??? Why so much pomp with the clothes???'
The "Vision" disappeared, I blamed myself and started to sleep later, but with a bad conscience because I thought about this, and that I didn't show regard and respect.
Early in the morning I woke, but was still laying with my child, here it starts again... coming down upon me (from above) the prophet Muhammad!!! Like being in a misty cloud, outside of the cloud everything was completely black. A beautiful young man with black curly hair till the ears, BAREFOOTED and in a poorly white prayer robe...same as my son is using for prayer!!!!! He remained standing in front of me, life size, entirely and genuine like a human and not like a ghost. He had one eye brow raised and his facial expression said: 'you cannot be serious???' I wasn't able to do anything, I didn't greet him, nor said anything at all, I just looked at him until he simply dissolved. I immediately went to my sons room and checked his prayer robe, it had a small hole at the same place as just before the prophet's!
I cannot now recall the exact sequence, I was laughing and was sad, I scared my family, they asked me what was going on, I behaved very strange, I could laugh one moment and some seconds later cry, somebody told me something, but I don't know what he said! Until the evening! I laid down... and see Jesus, his face in front of me!!!! I got such a wonderful feeling of being loved. My body felt like being stroked in waves, I don't know to explain it, it was a kind of waves, energetic waves, waves of warmth as if somebody would run his hand over my body, from feet up to the head, again and again. But it was being felt as extremely pure love. Love here with us is only a word, the love that I was allowed to experience, you cannot even compare it to being in love, maybe a million times stronger! I saw him and was loved by him, so beautiful, I know that I was like paralyzed, I couldn't move, I was unable to make any movement. I know that those love waves were lasting more than one hour, as I was hearing the sura Al Imran, and it lasts more than one hour. I then must have fallen to sleep.
The feeling of being loved, being accepted, being comforted, that's what it was. Beautiful. His face so beautiful, his hair went to his shoulders, they had the color of hazelnut, like streaked with highlights from brown to golden and so beautifully shining! In his face so much compassion and love, you just wanted to be loved by him!
In the evening the love waves repeated, but I didn't see him, but, I don't know how, I saw how small winged beings (I too thought I was crazy) were hammering an opening in my head (a door), through this door, it only opened half, a wonderful light started to shine. I could understand if you wouldn't want to continue reading, but you wanted it honest, so I have to write also about those things that I would prefer to conceal, as they are not easing the matter.
This happened during the day, so I was awake, I didn't dream, but I know that I thought I was going insane. I saw again the face of the prophet Muhammad and beside him the face of a woman, looking as if covered with nacre, very nice to see and a headscarf, but not one as the Muslimas wear them nowadays, but the way we know them from medieval times, or like the nuns, with a stiff bonnet under it, and besides also the face of Jesus. I don't know who the woman was, but I think it was Aisha. I saw myself in oversize walking on the planet earth, in my hand I also had a sword and there I heard very distinctly, lovingly:
Hold your horses!
I had those love waves surrounding me, it was so beautiful being accepted.
Through my head thoughts passed, like "what happened, why me, what was that for, who am I, that I get such honor, I'm just a nobody from a small town, insignificant. I was alternately crying and happy.
My leg hurt and when I laid down to sleep I heard that I was told: turn the other side... I felt pressure points on my leg, in the morning I discovered 2 small blue dots, but my leg didn't hurt anymore.
So many things happened, but I don't know the sequence anymore, but it continued like this. In the evening Jesus came again and I talked with him, not with the mouth, but very clearly through thoughts, it was different as hearing voices like in the beginning of my experience. I know that I was crying terribly, as he was showing me my sins, while he showed me greatest love and compassion that can be classified easily. As compassion came from his loving face. He actually said the words that are also in the Bible:
Better to loose an eye than to be cast into hell...( it suited my sin)
my eye was hurting so much after this, I was rubbing it all the time and begged that they should please let me keep my eye...I don't know how long the pain lasted, I just know that I begged that it was enough and then I heard:
Go to the window and let fresh air come in. That's what I did and the pain actually left.
Now my mood changed. I became mad as hell, I was so mad and disappointed, felt betrayed, and said it loud! I said, one cannot trust anyone of you, how can you after so much love let me feel so much shame. The shame in front of Jesus was so big, I cannot find words for it, never again do I want to experience something like this, and I will not do it again. I actually was so mad that I got cramps of weeping, the crying was extremely hysterical and I was screaming that if it is like this, then I don't want to talk anymore to you Jesus and not to you too Muhammad, if... then only with God!!!!!!! THIS KIND OF TREATMENT IS NOT WORTHY!!!! (this sentence is later important as proof). I know that I felt a stronger presence of persons, like being under observation, I had difficulties going to toilet, to change clothes, to undress getting naked, I felt under observation and felt shame. I didn't like this so I said: I feel watched and that's something I don't like. I heard: we can leave, do you want hat? I got frightened, as in truth I didn't want that at all! My face was held tight so, that I couldn't move away from the mirror, I understood this in the way that I should learn to love myself, I was winding, didn't want to look, my face was swollen of all the crying and for sure I was not pretty (this caused that today I'm not wearing make-up anymore, what would have been unthinkable before, leaving the house without any make-up)
While showering in the tub it happened. I had no light on (but I do this often) I felt an unknown feeling, it was like prickling, but beautiful, starting at my upper legs up to the vagina (yes I know) sliding higher up into the body, I felt so nicely warm, such a wonderful feeling that I never before was allowed to feel. I fell in an ecstasy, love went through me, I was overwhelmed by love, embraced, pure love, not a shameful feeling even though I was moaning because of the emotions. There, someone, a voice was talking, so awesome, that I sank to my knees under the shower just by the sound of it! I heard: so many emotions! so much love! well, you daughter of Islam, so I'm a Diamond for you!!!!(Then a laughter that I sensed as a loving mockery?!!!!!!!!
I know that there was more saying, but I just remember this. How long I was kneeling there I don't know, at the end the feeling went away and I had a strong prickling in my left hand, it was so strong that I feared getting paralyzed if the prickling would reach my heart. It stopped and while climbing out of the tub I heard a male voice that said: don't talk about this to your husband and sisters! What happened in the bath, I knew was God. I have a proof of this for myself.
I was indeed under shock and didn't want to think about the event due to fear (it's impossible that God talked to me!!) but later I got the proof when I admitted the thoughts of what I didn't want to admit.
Before the whole experience started, I was singing a song of Rihanna, I love to sing (for myself) I was singing the song 'diamonds' with a different text, to honor God, the text was as follows...
You are so beautiful like a diamond in the night, so shine brightly for me... and so on... and God asked me the question: am I like a diamond for you!!! Wow wow wow. I went to bed, felt love again, I said I will be purring like a cat and heard as an answer... she is purring like a cat (laughter). I saw Jesus again, from head to waistline, surrounded by a beautiful light and then very close to me only his arms, thus only his arms without him, forming like an embrace, so close that I saw the color, the slightly crimped form of the hair and the beautiful fabric of his white clothes, I know that my first thought was: He has so strong arms (yes truthfully the first thought). I was embraced by him, wow, what a fantastic feeling, I said to myself unbelievable, unbelievable. But he corrected me: not unbelievable, as it is true, rather tell what is not fitting your head :). Caused by the embrace a warmth spread, it went through my whole body, was strongest in my chest area, it was so pleasant, so purely loving! Preferably I would not do anything else than staying in his arms...and now I experienced his humor, as I saw him again from head to waist and he asked with a smile: WAS THIS WORTHY???? and was gone........my hysterical fit of rage and despair was countered with love and embrace, how thankful I am for this. I love him so much. I asked why all this happened, BECAUSE HE WANTED IT THIS WAY, HE WANTED IT THIS WAY.
Now I was in a beautiful light, but I don't know how I arrived there, I even don't know how I left my body, but I must have done it, as I was in the light, I only know that I existed, I was there, but disembodied as if being a thought, a consciousness merged with beautiful, golden, warm, loving light. The light was everywhere, I felt oneness, fusion, if you jump in a pool then you have a nice feeling how the water is enveloping you, the light also enveloped you but it also permeated you, completely everything, the whole body that I didn't see. The light was everywhere, wherever I could see, there was nothing else than the light. No idea how long it lasted, but I had my thoughts back, that is to say I was conscious being in my body, and I begged: please inscribe this feeling in my heart, I don't want to go away, I don't want to go away, as there I was at home. That's the way I was feeling. I asked (I don't know why, you just always think the most honest thought, therefore there are no misunderstandings) will I someday go to the Kaaba??? With a loving amused voice I got the answer : Silly, you were much closer than that!
In a "Vision" Jesus showed me (I don't know the moment anymore, in the light? after? before?) that I need not have fear, I would not go back alone. I saw a scene like a movie in which I was acting, it was just a short episode of a street (beginning and end was black), from the left came a group of people wearing security uniform, similar to police, but in dark blue. A woman came out of the crowd and smiled to me, I was standing helpless near my bicycle that was secured with a coded lock and I could not open it. When I saw the security people I thought that (I only thought it, I didn't talk loud),I hope that they will not control me, as they might find out that I take drugs!!!! (I don't take drugs, but sometimes I smoke pot, and you can ask anybody who is smoking it, such an experience cannot happen from pot, if you now think having found an answer for my experience:)) (again the most honest thought, that you would like to hide far away) This woman had been hearing my thought, she looked at me, pulled her head slightly back and just laughed, then she pointed with her hand to the right, there was a blonde man coming towards me, wearing jeans, and a fisher jacket I believe. He looked at me, didn't talk, opened the lock, there were 3 numbers showing up, that I noted later, but didn't know what they meant or if they have any meaning at all, and then everything was gone, except the hands of the man and mine bound together.
I understood it the way that he was my "angel" or my "spiritual guide".
Until today I very often feel a touch and a heatwave mostly on my arm, and connect it with him.
Some more things happened in relation with dreams, thoughts, verses of the Qur'an and the Bible, songs, but it takes too long to give a detailed view. In any case I want to describe what happened during the day. I had a doctors appointment at a pediatrician (woman), I went there and when I saw her I had to stare all the time at her, which she noticed. In her eyes I saw acute confusion. The hair of the doctor was shining in colorful electric streams, it was very beautiful to look at and I know that I thought, wow how beautiful she is. Everything of her was beautiful. She is an elderly woman with many wrinkles in her face and I thought, wow, how beautiful is her face, beautiful and alive! On the way back home, I heard: don't go straight home, I made a little detour and stopped, or better I was turned as it was another direction, on a wall was a Jewish star, a panel in honor of, and as a memory of victims dying in war, above this engraved in the wall, Jesus spreading his hands. I pass this place quite often but never looked at this. I heard very clearly: YOUR SISTERS AND BROTHERS, go back to your first thoughts!
During the day I heard clearly wing beats, but didn't see anything, I just thought that somebody was flying away, very peculiar sound, many wing beats at the same time, but from a being or angel. Why I was thinking, "now, the angel of death has flown away" I don't know....later I heard a voice WELL NOW YOU ARE A WELL GUIDED MUSLIMA AND YOUR RELIGION IS THE ISLAM, BUT NOT FANATICAL.
It was the 15th of
February and I saw Jesus for the last time, he was floating above me wearing a
white robe with a purple sash, spread his hands and only said one word: LIVE.
Then he was gone and I didn't hear any voices anymore and didn't see anything
anymore. Only when I'm hard up, I feel a love wave coming, but not in any way
comparable with the feelings during the experience
At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain I cannot answer this, I guess I was sick, I clearly heard a voice saying (commanding) BREATH! I felt extremely cold, I had a thick winter cover around myself and rubbed myself against the heating, but the shaking would not stop.
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was very emotional, I use the words LOVE, PURITY, TRUTH, BEING ALIVE, to describe feelings :)
Love waves are unknown
in my normal state, to describe the phenomena as a power wave, an electric wave
is just an attempt
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was alert and conscious, everything was extremely real, it also happened during the day when I didn't sleep for sure, when I was brought into the light I probably had no consciousness as I don't know how I got there, but during the time in the light, I had the highest awareness ever.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness same as # 3
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. honestly, I don't know what I did during the day, after the experience I had a lot of work, as my household was untidy, I really had not done much. My family also told me that I behaved strange, was laughing, crying, was laying in bed and was praying.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard voices that were very real
Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body? Yes During the experience I was breathing extremely fast and loud, I didn't want my pubescent daughter to think I would do something sexual, I tried to control my loud breathing, but it didn't work.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? every positive thing that we humans know here on earth
4.Truth/it was a feeling not a word/
6.Feeling of happiness times 1000
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I was in a golden warm loving light, there was only light, wherever you looked, left, up, whatever, everywhere love in the light and oneness, merging with somebody or with everything
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I communicated with Jesus by thought
several times I heard a male voice
I heard an AWESOME but
loving voice that I identified as the voice of God.
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes Jesus, Muhammad and a woman
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I don't know who the group of people (ghosts) I saw was, but they seemed familiar, without being able to remember them.
Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience? Uncertain I saw (felt) my sins, but no life review
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)? Yes Yes this is very clear to me, but it was also already before the experience, that after DEATH we will continue.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist? Yes I heard his voice and felt his love. Today I do not say only 'Allah' but accept the words "Highest being, Almighty, Highest presence, God"
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime? No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist? Yes In the light the experience was very distinct that I was ONE with somebody or with the total, Oneness.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose? Uncertain In a discussion I heard:
bear everything patiently
don't give in to sadness
have no fear
I know that after the
experience, ranting and cursing, brought about a real disgust in me, it even
hurt me having to hear something like this.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships? Uncertain In a discussion I heard:
bear everything patiently
don't give in to sadness
have no fear
I know that after the
experience, ranting and cursing, brought about a real disgust in me, it even
hurt me having to hear something like this.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love? Yes This is now strongly anchored in me, give as much love as you can to everybody. Very important was for me when Jesus called my attention to the Jewish panel, to make no differences between nations and people.
During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives? No
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose? Uncertain I guess it was thought to help me loosing my fear of hell, the fear has gone.
What occurred during your experience included: Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience very clearly : the experience
very few, my sister had
her birthday on 9th of February and I had to ask her later if I had been
congratulating her etc.
Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience: Thank you for this question!
Before the experience I was very religious, that is I tried to do my 5 prayers strictly as per time plan (not to pray would make a bad conscious) I absolutely believed in the Qur'an, I understood everything in the Qur'an. I accepted the Qur'an as the absolute truth and discussions with believers of other beliefs left always disputes or a bad taste. I had great fear, not of death but of hell, when I was reading the Qur'an and there was a place talking about hell (and there are many) I was scared that it meant me ( in my experience I was 'punished' with pain in the eye, but I know that it is functioning differently, I was punishing myself as in my great shame I could not forgive myself my sin, pain was the state, therefore Jesus had so much compassion during this)
Now a year has passed,
I have difficulties praying ( I like to pray when I want it), some things of the
Qur'an I do not understand (but I forgot to write what Jesus said to me!! just
continue reading the Qur'an, if you don't understand just go over it, sometime
you can come back to this place in order to understand). (Very interesting) I
also don't wear a headscarf anymore, what I never would have thought possible. I
wondered that I was being told that I would remain a Muslima (probably so the
family would be kept together), as I now accept all beliefs, I find that I'm
very tolerant (cannot talk about everything with my husband, this is sad, as I
have to hide many, ( my meaning), simply because he is not able to handle, to
understand it, not open enough.)
My experience directly resulted in: Large changes in my life
Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience? Yes Tolerance
somebody is acting bad.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I have the gift to feel touch and can connect with it, heatwave is overflowing me, but I cannot control it myself.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I have been thinking a lot about it, it was not so easy in the beginning, I was helped a lot. I probably had some fears that 'I betrayed Jesus', when I converted to Islam. I also missed him in my life. Now I don't have any fear to say it, say it loud I LOVE HIM SO MUCH
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes 1) still in the time when the experience happened I had tried to send an e-mail to my girlfriend, she didn't know what I wanted. The e-mail is there until today and I also cannot understand it, I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't wrap it in the right words
2) my husband that the prophets visited me, not in detail, when I tried we had a quarrel
3)after all to my sisters, that was a mistake, I better should have listened to what the voice said :) I said to my sister, hey I talked to Jesus and saw him...she didn't want to listen and was threatening with a psychiatrist
4) I told it to my Islamic sister - I had better not done, to her and the Muslimic world I was visited by Satan who turned me away from Islam.
5) an older woman who finds things like this very interesting and is reading many books about this topic, as I also do now :)
6) Am in a group with
FB and we exchange between us (a benefaction)
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I don't think that I was influenced, as I already believed in God and in existence after death... and I was reading a book "90 Minutes in heaven" and know that I was mocking it, hahahaha what's that, a priest coming into heaven and not meeting any God... in some way I was reminded about this during my experience , so that I felt remorse...now I read everything about this topic that I can find, as I'm looking for people with a similar experience. Long time I didn't know whereabouts with me, I indeed found out that people shortly before death had visions, but like this in normal life?, but then I think, 'why did I hear the command to breath and Jesus command: LIVE (??!!)
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was definitely real At the beginning I was even unable to think about what I experienced! I was telling myself that I was going nuts, until I allowed myself to think through sentence after sentence, as the experience happened daily (and is) in my head! I think about it very often. Later I found my proofs (was this worthy, God is a diamond:)
What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time: Experience was definitely real
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes Now I dare more, participate more in life, know more people
Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes Now I understand why God laughingly mocked me: you daughter of Islam....because HE knew what would happen to me. What a change I would undergo.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? 5 years ago I was in a hospital, I lost a kidney....I thought I had a dream and I also told it to the nurse that way, but she said that I got very strong medication... I was out of my body, hanging in the air in sitting Buddha position and looked down on me in bed. I also saw a street where Muslims were walking, I knew that they were dead, a woman with a child looked at me knowingly. They were more gliding than walking and this indeed through my hospital room where I was laying. Colors were the same, furniture was the same... therefore the dream was so wonderful and amazing. Only today, after dealing with the topic I know that I shortly left my body. Therefore I also said that I don't know how I got to the light, as I didn't feel the same as in hospital. I just simply was there :)
Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes I experienced much more as I can write down
What could a national
organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of
interest to you?
maybe we could build
centers where interested persons could exchange?