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Amanda's Experience

Experience description:   

I am divorced from my first husband, with whom I had 3 children.  The eldest, Pedro, died at the age of 19 in 2004.  One night, he didn't come home to sleep and I went right out to look for him...in hospitals, calling his friends, his girlfriend...  It was very rough!   Some friends, my current husband and I looked for him all day long.  It was Saturday of Holy Week, a very special day for Catholics.  I belong to a very religious family, as I am also. 

Nobody directed me, but during my search I came to a place of great foreboding with a palpable force of evil.   It was there that I found my son.  He had taken his own life.  We had to wait for the judge to arrive, and while we waited, before anyone came, I saw how he had left from his body.  He was a light, but a light without power, and very worn looking, yellowish.  He was completely disoriented.  He was being assailed by some demons that were like black sheets, opaque, who absorbed the light and were cleverly enveloping my son and keeping him from ascending upwards...although despite their efforts, there was a pathway they could not hide and by which Pedro could have ascended.  I immediately understood that I could help him and I said to him with all my heart, "go up, my son, to up to the light and don't pay any mind to the demons.  You can do it."  I gave all my strength and support to him so he could free himself with the little strength he had left.  His soul was very disoriented and spent. 

Looking back on it, it seems like I gave birth to him a second time.  In Spanish, we call birthing "giving light."  I "gave him light" again that day. 

I don't know how long that experience lasted.  I lost all notion of time and I understood that time is nothing.  It has no value. It is a constant that we have here on earth, but it does not exist for our spirits. 

Since people were starting to arrive, I lifted up their spirits and began to lead in reciting the rosary.  I think we said the rosary 3 times before the judge arrived so that the combined strength of everyone could help him.  Another thing I understood  was the power of prayer, not only for ourselves, but also for them.  It's what is called "the communion of saints."   We are all part of a whole with those who are in heaven, in purgatory and on earth.  We can all help each other and be helped if we pray with our hearts and with strength.  I also understood that the devil exists and that he is very active and intelligent and takes every opportunity to do evil to us.  From that moment on, I had a great pain in my heart.  Like a dagger...something sharp and deep that was afflicting me from that Sunday morning until Monday, as I will tell you later on. 

I called a priest at once so he could help me help my son towards to right pathway.  When he arrived, I blessed him and felt something of peace, not the horror and fright I had experienced before.  But the pain in my heart persisted. 

Afterwards, a day was spend preparing for the funeral and associated activities.  On Monday we went to the burial.  I was standing by the body the whole time, including during the night.  I didn't want to leave my son alone.  I asked my loved ones to leave me alone with him for a few hours before they took him away.  This time, while standing in front of my son, I asked God to resurrect him,  that he do something because his death was caused by confusion, a mistake, and that he be returned to me.  I asked him with great faith and I knew that God could resurrect him.  He only needed me to ask.  So, during my prayer, there appeared on my right in the form of a triangle, thousands and thousands of lights moving down from heaven.  The first of these lights was my son.  God had heard my prayer!  He hadn't resurrected him physically, but in spirit. 

There were thousands of lights and they all loved me greatly.  Some were loved ones and friends and others weren't.  But it was as if they all knew me.  The first light was my son.  He was now white, beautiful, full of love and he wasn't tired out.  He came to me and hugged me and told me he loved me.  He entered into me and took away the pain in my heart.  This was a great relief to me because the pain was so great.  It was wonderful, an act filled with love.  Words do not begin to explain my experience.  In Spanish we call this the "ineffable." 

I understood many things, despite the pain of separation, and how everything happened.  I discovered that there is a pathway behind death and we need to be prepared to know about it...and that death is a rebirth, an arrival at a superior state of being infinitely better and that we should prepare with great joy, not with sorrow like we do in our culture today. 

I also know that the souls in purgatory need our prayers.  They need us to pray for them, helping them to find their way towards becoming whole lights.  This experience changed my life, as I'm sure you can understand, but I continued actively working and did not lose my joy of life even though I miss my son.  I had a special relationship with him.  One of affection, tenderness and of kindred spirits.  When I feel pain, I think how nice it is for him to be where he is  and how lovely that he awaits me.  The hard part, the difficulty, is found in this life.  When we arrive on the other side it is a great relief, full of love and peace...  Also, things are done there and everything is very, very good.  I would like to go there, although my current life is happy.  I am a happy, strong person.  My children are fabulous.  I got married again very happily and I like my work.  But every day that passes is one day less before I can go there, although God needs me here because I still have many obligations to fulfill. 

I have had other experiences with my son and with my grandparents with whom I also had a very close relationship until I became much older because they lived for many years.  But I will tell you about all this another time because telling you what I just told you caused me a lot of emotion and it has been a great effort to write it down. 

If you would like, write me in two or three weeks and I will tell you the rest. 



I know without a doubt that I am not crazy and that my experiences are real.  But not everyone understands it this way.  I have spent years wanting to talk with more people who have experienced these things...but not with charlatans.  Rather with serious people.  I have also talked with a priest who is very knowledgeable about these things.  Thank you for your support.