The whole thing began, believe it or not,
because an older friend visited my home
(flat) where I lived alone (single).
He started telling me about the way to contact the spirit world through the
ouiji Board. I was agnostic
(although born into a Catholic family) I essentially believed
in Humanistic life, evolution theory and had no belief in God or afterlife. I
believed in achievement through ones own self unaided.
The NDE happened about six months into my First year at University. As mentioned my friend (anti religious), visited and suggested that if I did not believe in the Spirit world contacts he would show me how it was done. He cut out letters of alphabet and numbers 1 to 10 (0) and placed them in a circle, on the table, then placed a glass in centre of table (I now urge all others NEVER to try the same thing), we then both placed our fingers (index) on the edge of the glass and he began to call out whether there were any spirits present. We did this for quite a few minutes with no reaction, then suddenly, the glass began to move and spell out names and respond to his questions.
I was still very skeptical and went it was over, still skeptical but curious as I did not notice or feel him actually pushing the glass, yet it moved. When he left I decided that I would prove or disprove it all by conducting the experiment myself. I knew I was hopeless at mathematics so I designed a series of questions to test whether the responses were correct ie if I asked the spirit its name, birth date and date of death and it responded, I would also ask then its age at death and compare figures. i would ask about things that existed in past. I started on my own the same way calling out to the spirits and suddenly the glass began to move and spell out the names, ages, death years of people.
I realized quickly, it was not my pushing the glass, it reacted to my questions. i began to be afraid. I then questioned in my own mind that if these spirits that I did not believe existed then maybe others I had learned of as a child existed. I asked whether there were any good spirits. I was told that they were not there among those I was contacting. that they were not contactable. I asked whether there was a heaven, hell, the answer was YES. I then asked whether Jesus existed. As soon as I asked this the glass moved more quickly across the table and I stopped getting answers to my new questions. It would only spell out. YOU SHOULD NOT PLAY, IT IS EVIL. This was spelled out about six or seven times.
I felt I had moved into something I could not control and I was unaware of how to close things off and keenly aware now that these spirits did indeed exist. I was now in somewhat of a panic and I was very afraid. I went to Church (Catholic), it was Friday and I was thankful that there was a Priest there hearing Confession. I had not been to Church since I was young (ten) and even then very infrequently. I had always lived from young age, as though I could do anything, steal anything (even in Church) from that age. I used to fight, swear, steal you name it.
After the Confession I went at home and lay on the bed. I don't remember falling unconscious or know how I did but I instinctively knew when I was floating up that I was no Longer in my Body. I was in complete darkness for a short time, like a long tunnel, it had as I walked up through it, a small speck of light at the end. The closer I got to the light the brighter and larger the dot became. Suddenly It was intensely bright I could not look at it.
Then suddenly, I found the brightness alter and I found myself standing in an Open Air like Court Room or Church, with people all around , hundreds of them. I knew they were all people that I had offended in some way or another in all my life. I didn't recognize them or even know what I had done to hurt each of them. They were all seated before the throne (which I could not see) as I only saw the people around me facing forward and they were all condemning me. I instantly started to pray to God that I not be condemned by them begging God for His Mercy and telling Him I was sorry for my life actions.
Suddenly I saw a figure of Statue of Jesus ahead in front and above me. I prayed that He save me and cried bitterly for my life. Suddenly, the Statue began to turn faster and faster until suddenly it vanished with huge force and I could not for a long while remember that I existed at all. I was part of an unimaginable, beautiful light. I remembered myself no more. It was only when I knew that I was being returned (sent back) that I suddenly realized my existence. I cried and cried and pleaded bitterly, with such anguish to God that He NOT send me back. I did not want to leave the peace I had been placed in, the light of which I was now a part.
Suddenly I felt that He , God had me in the Palm of His Large Hand, as a grain of sand, and he turned over His palm and I fell to earth, which such speed and light that colors flew by with such force> Like I was dropped from Infinity above the earth. As I descended into my Body, I felt a huge force push me into it and I heard very loudly Gods words to me. A Voice distinctly Male and all powerful "He said "You should look to the sins of your childhood" . I suddenly felt myself hit the earth. My nostrils could smell the taste of earth (raw earth) like you cant imagine it to smell. Not impure but earth as though I was part of the earth. Man made from the earth. I was surrounded by young Puppies and earth, licking my face.
Suddenly, I woke up, sat up in Bed again, in total shock and shame for what I had done wrong and the people I had offended in my life. For many many months I cried, attended Church Service Everyday, sometimes three times a Day. I stopped swearing, fighting, arguing, jealousy, lust, greed everything in my life changed. I could not for a long time look at myself in the mirror for I could see the reflection of all my sins etched into my face. We all think we look so beautiful but I tell you if we saw the difference between what we should look like and what really exists we would all change our lives forever and the chase for beauty would be over (makeup, lipstick, manicures, etc) are all surface short term, hiding the real person.
It took many years before I could look in a mirror without seeing the etched age in my face and before I could face others directly took months because I imagined they too could so easily see the face so covered in lines etched by sin. Eventually through Gods Love and Infinite Mercy I found I put away the sorrow and guilt I felt, but I always remember it. I stopped vainly working to achieve a body that women would admire everywhere. i no longer walked about proudly displaying my athleticism and drastically cut down on sports.
A side effect of the return to my body is that I have had constant pain in my hands, shoulders, neck, feet and fingers since that day. I have had numerous tests for arthritis, all negative. Only recently spondylosis of the neck was diagnosed. I now go to Church at least once a week and pray every day, although much less than I did immediately after the experience. The more I prayed then for about ten years the more I was Blessed with revelations from God in my sleep. Visions of things to come. Visions of Purgatory and Hell. An understanding of what is important in life and what not.
I now place little value on ownership/riches (although I am many times more comfortable now in this respect I don't strive for it Gods has simply given me all that I need. I have completed a number of university Degrees/Certificates, visited many countries, attended many International conferences. I don't swear or drink or smoke or lie or steal and remain celibate ever since the event some 24 years ago. I am far Saintly but I try to be as good as I can. I fall occasionally, short, in one way or another but inevitably God draws me back. I pray everyday now and try to live a simple life. I actually, look forward now to the End of the Age or to the end of my time on Earth. I have had indications of where my life shall go towards the end but I won't write these here as I think it was only for my own knowledge. It is very positive and I know God will bring it about, I just don't see it at present.
Any associated medications or substances with the
potential to affect the experience: No
Explanation: I was a competitive athlete, opposed to all forms of medication/drugs etc
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate? The whole experience took a long time to come to terms with. The visions I saw. the words I was told. The shame I felt.
At the time of the experience, was there an
associated life threatening event? Uncertain
Describe: I was a healthy, young adult, extremely athletic, never been sick in my life, never even been to a doctor since about three (ear infection). I didn't feel unwell, before the experience but I was afraid/shocked by what I experienced prior to the NDE.
What was your level of consciousness and alertness
during the experience?
I was unconscious
Was the experience dream like in any way?
Dream like but much more, like watching a
movie on screen of one life flash by.
A Life review.
Did you experience a separation of consciousness
from your body?
Describe your appearance or form apart from your
I instinctively knew that I had departed
from my body. How I don't
know. The more intense experience was being literally
pushed into my body and back to life.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? High
and Low. Shame and grief followed by intense peace and then a return to shame
and intense sorrow which has gradually faded over many years until now I feel
forgiveness for the past and welcome for the future.
Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?
Describe: A small speck of light which got brighter as I reached the end of the tunnel, then too bright to look at.
Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes
Describe: I saw a multitude of people of all ages, male and female all of whom I had offended in some way during my life.
Did you experience a review of past events in your
review included all these people. I did not see how I offended each but I knew I
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people
or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise
distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? Yes
Describe: As outlined I was in an open air Courtroom or Church before a multitude of people. and Later within and part of the light. A light so intense and beautiful that I no longer knew of my existence until I knew I was going to go back
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes
seemed to stand still I have little concept of how long I stayed at each stage.
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge,
universal order and/or purpose? Yes
Describe: Yes I understood the existence now of God, of His only Son and of the Holy spirit and of the existence of other Spirits about us and of my future work
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical
was no boundary as such between places I was in. Other than I was removed from
each place unto another in a flash of time span.
Did you become aware of future events? Yes
Describe: Over the years following I was enlightened by God, His Son and others about my Life, Continuing to persevere in Prayer and my future and the future relating to events yet to come on earth. and the existence of the Devil/Satan and his powerlessness before God, the Son of God or the Holy spirit and the vital importance of the Holy Sacraments, including confession.
Describe: I was told I had to return, re-look at my life and especially at the sins of my childhood, not to repeat them.
Describe: Not self induced. Only visions of things to come, Wisdom in decisions during my sleep (dream state) and only occurring following intense prayers during my sleep. I continue to pray while I am asleep for long periods and in one of these times I would obtain Gods blessing of a revelation or decision on something worrying me.
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs
following the experience?
Describe: I became firmly committed to the Catholic Church and its Beliefs and especially sure of Gods guiding hand. I altered my entire way of living. Although I must say don't experience, jealousy, hatred or anger as such. I no longer value worldly goods as I once did. I no longer fear death. In fact, I look forward eagerly to its arrival and a return to being a part of the light.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes
Describe: Partly, a few times. Usually I prefer not to. Where I have I have found the other person has changed their life. But generally, I think there must be a desire to believe. An Agnostic as I was would find it difficult to believe.
What emotions did you experience following your
Love, Peace immense Peace beyond
What was the best and worst part of your
Coming back was the worst and remembering
the difference at the time between what I should have been
and what I was.
Is there anything else you would like to add
concerning the experience?
I think and Pray that many others who seek
to find the truth will be Blessed by God. I urge all others Never to try to use
If the whole world had the experience
I felt, there would be no war, no hatred, no jealousy. We would live in peace
Has your life changed specifically as a result of
Describe: My whole Life was turned around in an instant.
Following the experience, have you had any other
events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the
I am still opposed to medication
unless absolutely necessary and I never experienced anything with drugs because
I shun the use of narcotic substances, including alcohol and tobacco. I have not
a cigarette or drunk alcohol for over twenty years > i don't
oppose alcohol but I offer my refrain from it to ensure control of myself and a
penance to God.